Question: Do you have to send an invitation to someone that you sent a STD to?

KellyRVT · May 2011

Having a small debate with a friend. They want to trim a few people off their guest list but they have already sent some of these people STDs. Are you still obligated to invite them?

nnoble4 · May 2011

Yeah, if you sent them a STD, you gotta sent them an invite. However, if they sent them a STD and didn't put "and guest" they are not really obligated to invite them with a guest.

What if the person is from out of town and has already booked their travel and hotel? That, and once someone has requested you hold the date for something, unless that something is cancelled, it would be pretty rude.

nnoble4 · May 2011

p.s. I swear I'm not stalking your posts....I'm just bored at work ;-)

kleem15 · May 2011

Ok let me ask a similar question... i too am having trouble narrowing down my guest list. What do you put or how do you word the invitation to state that you do not want them to bring a guest, without sounding rude? I ask this bc my FI's cousin was invited to a wedding and on the rsvp he replied "yes plus a guest" The bride then called him and said they couldn't afford for him to bring a guest, which I UNDERSTAND! However, now I feel weird stating that on the invites as we have over 20 single friends that we are inviting!

nnoble4 · May 2011

If we didn't want them to bring a guest, we simply wrote out "Mr. John Smith" and that's it. People should not assume they are given a guest unless it says so. That being said, FI has called up a friend when he was invited to a wedding, after we had been engaged for a while, and asked if he was permitted to bring me. However, this was after I told him he had to ask and not assume.

I think if you get a response that says "John Smith and guest" or a name, the only thing you can do is call them and say, I'm very sorry, but we cannot add anyone to the list for (whatever reason, space, budget, intimacy). Or, you can let it go.

KellyRVT · May 2011

A bride I know actually put on the RSVP card "We have resverved __X__ seats for you." Which I thought was a clever idea. What do you guys think about doing that?

I personally have several people I would like to not invite. They have just fallen off the face of the planet and we have had zero interaction with them for months. I would rather give other people their spots.

nnoble4 · May 2011

I think the "we have resesrved X seats for you" is cute. I've also seen it where they say ___ out of X will be attending or something like that. That does make it pretty clear that they cannot invite another person.

And, I know what you mean about people that have fallen off the face of the earth. I was skeptical about a couple of people, and thankfully, did not send them STDs, so when they did, I didn't have to send them an invite. Here's hoping that those people respond no quickly, then maybe you can send out a second round of invites to others. Though, if you are doing this, be sure to not let people know you've already sent out the invites, or people will know they are on the B list.

BCsGal · May 2011

On our reply cards it said:
M____________________

____ of __X___ invited will attend.

In place of the X I wrote in how many people were invited. For those people we allowed to bring a guest I wrote "and guest" on the inner envelope. If I was inviting children from the family, I made sure I put all their names on the inner envelope as well.
It worked out pretty well for us. I would rather spell it out clearly for people than have people question or whatever (although we still did have some people confused...). I wish we had had all the money/space in the world to give everyone a guest, but we had to face reality.

KellyRVT · May 2011

Haha, we totally have a HUGE B list we aren't telling anyone about. But really, we should know exactly who is and who isn't coming. I have our parents putting out feelers.

Oh, and Andria I know what you mean about stalking , I'm bored at work today too. lol

[Deleted User] · May 2011

STD = invite. Period.

TheBeckmeister · May 2011

Slightly off-topic but.....

I got a wedding invitation the other day to a good friend of our family (almost-cousin, if you will). The invite was addressed to just me. FI and I have been together for 4 years, engaged for 1.5 years. I don't want to assume that FI's invited and respond with his name too, but, um, shouldn't he be invited? Maybe I'll have to make an awkward phone call later. WWYD?

KellyRVT · May 2011

You should call and ask them, or have a relative do it if they are closer. Do not assume they are invited. By the sounds of it, they aren't.

I'm catching a lot of flack for it, but we're only doing +1s for married, engaged and serious LTR. People that have recently started dating someone, which of course changes all the time since they have a year to dump/meet someone, we are not giving a +1 to. We are giving all out of town traveling guests that won't know anyone a +1, but most of our friends all know each other. It's just too much to give everyone a +1.

But, I do think they SHOULD have invited him, if he isn't then you can simply decline.

buckeyesweetz · May 2011

Everyone that gets a STD needs to be invited. It's possible that those that you don't keep in close touch with will decline anyways. I would advise against a B list as well, but thats just my opinion. I think it would be awkward for you if some of your guests found out that they weren't on the A list (due to different RSVP dates or whatever)! Just something to think about!

nnoble4 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_ohio-columbus_question-send-invitation-someone-sent-std?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:112Discussion:2adc69d7-bb04-4633-9120-6c317cdc4fb4Post:0b163fe1-cf72-4f1f-9717-87c25b2b691f">Re: Question: Do you have to send an invitation to someone that you sent a STD to?</a>:
[QUOTE]Slightly off-topic but..... I got a wedding invitation the other day to a good friend of our family (almost-cousin, if you will). The invite was addressed to just me. FI and I have been together for 4 years, engaged for 1.5 years. I don't want to assume that FI's invited and respond with his name too, but, um, shouldn't he be invited? Maybe I'll have to make an awkward phone call later. WWYD?
Posted by TheBeckmeister[/QUOTE]

I would call and simply ask whether he was invited. This is similar to what I made FI do (though it wasn't a family friend, just a friend). They'll either say sure he can come or say, sorry we can't have him in. At least then you'll have a better idea, and you're up front.

KellyRVT · May 2011

Nobody knows there is a B list except you guys and FI. We are sending our invitations out a few weeks early and depending on what the numbers look like there are a few more people we would like to have, but can't reasonably afford if everyone else comes. Don't worry, nobody will know or feel like they weren't wanted in the first place.

kleem15 · May 2011

wow this really helps A LOT gals! Thanks for all the information... these are really great ideas!!! I have a handful of people that I would like to invite, but i just assumed everyone would bring a +1! Im glad it is not neccassary for your guests to bring a date and this would allow me to be able to invite that extra handful of people!

Question: Do you have to send an invitation to someone that you sent a STD to?

Re: Question: Do you have to send an invitation to someone that you sent a STD to?

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