Hi all -
I usually just lurk, but I'm looking for some insight into something. I am trying to counsel a friend and don't feel like I can ask anyone IRL - I'm the only one she's confided in and I don't want anyone to think badly of her or her H.
I'm trying to figure out the difference between having a temper and emotional abuse. Friend's H is great most of the time, but he has a terrible temper and lashes out occasionally, and occasionally at her. He has never touched her in anger - he seems to be all bark and no bite, but the barking is pretty bad.
Friend is very low-key and mellow, and I've never known her to be argumentative, so this is hard for her to deal with. She says her H can never admit to being wrong - to the point of blaming her and screaming at her after she was robbed at a bar one night. He showed absolutely no sympathy for her and blamed her entirely - if she had been more careful she wouldn't have had her purse and wallet stolen.
I don't know what to tell her. He obviously doesn't think he has a problem, and she calls me crying that she thinks her husband hates her. He has told her that she needs to toughen up and just handle it, because his temper shouldn't be such a big deal. He grew up with a father that acted just like he acts now.
What should I tell her? I think counseling is in order, if only for her. When does a bad temper cross the line into verbal/emotional abuse?