To Bridezilla or Not to Bridezilla......

goetzr19 · August 2010

So, my parents and I have discussed about having my cousin as a bridesmaid. For a little history--she has no brothers or sisters, has no contact with her dad, her mom passed away when she was 5, was raised by my grandma. I asked her to be a bridesmaid, but I have one HUGE reservation about the reception.

She is the kind of girl who LITERALLY cannot live without her phone. She's constantly texting, going as far as having conversations with her boyfriend who is in the same room. Christmas, birthdays, important gatherings, doesn't matter. I don't want to dictate what people do at my reception, but is there a nice way of telling her that I don't want her texting through the whole thing? I asked her to be a bridesmaid because I want her to be involved in the day. The last thing I want to do during my reception is watch her sulk in the corner texting away on her phone.

Very frustrated......Would like input....but please be gentle ladies!!!

sep72fendr · August 2010

How old is she? If she is over a certain age and you are close, she might realize that being on her phone 24/7 is rude, especially at your wedding.
However, you can't guarantee that she will be aware enough to not be on it.
I think it's your call. If you think she can handle being your BM, then ask her. Even if she does sulk on her phone, my guess is that you'll be too busy to notice...

bethsmiles · August 2010

On your wedding day I doubt you will notice or care.

mica178 · August 2010

You can't really dictate what your wedding party does during the reception. Hopefully she'd know that she should participate and enjoy the gathering rather than text in the corner, but if she makes that choice, so be it. I think you'll be busy enough during the reception that you won't notice much of her actions anyway.

Celles · August 2010

As long as she isn't texing at the altar, I don't think it's worth stressing out about. It's rude, but that's a reflection on her -- not you.

You have to choose your battles. This one really isn't worth fighting.

Belle2Be · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridezilla-not-bridezilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3f7e1dbe-4438-4c6a-beb6-9595e01fdc0fPost:85033782-eeaa-4eb3-946a-c3f6c21e4045">To Bridezilla or Not to Bridezilla......</a>:
[QUOTE]So, my parents and I have discussed about having my cousin as a bridesmaid. For a little history--she has no brothers or sisters, has no contact with her dad, her mom passed away when she was 5, was raised by my grandma. I asked her to be a bridesmaid, but I have one HUGE reservation about the reception. She is the kind of girl who LITERALLY cannot live without her phone. She's constantly texting, going as far as having conversations with her boyfriend who is in the same room . Christmas, birthdays, important gatherings, doesn't matter. I don't want to dictate what people do at my reception, but is there a nice way of telling her that I don't want her texting through the whole thing? I asked her to be a bridesmaid because I want her to be involved in the day. The last thing I want to do during my reception is watch her sulk in the corner texting away on her phone. Very frustrated......Would like input....but please be gentle ladies!!! :)
Posted by goetzr19[/QUOTE]

Worry less about her and more about yourself. What harm is it doing to you if she spends the reception texting? While it's rude, it isn't the end of the world, and you already asked her to be your bridesmaid so it's not like you can take that back.
Not to mention I doubt she'll be the only one with a cell phone, how are you going to enforce that no-one else texts all night?
I'm going to guess that like your crazy uncle who wears jeans or the date of a guest you don't like, someone texting in the corner is also on the list of things that you wont even notice when you are celebrating your nuptuals.:)

goetzr19 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridezilla-not-bridezilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3f7e1dbe-4438-4c6a-beb6-9595e01fdc0fPost:ed84740f-11b5-46d8-aaeb-8c4dfae1ecfd">Re: To Bridezilla or Not to Bridezilla......</a>:
[QUOTE]How old is she? If she is over a certain age and you are close, she might realize that being on her phone 24/7 is rude, especially at your wedding. However, you can't guarantee that she will be aware enough to not be on it. I think it's your call. If you think she can handle being your BM, then ask her. Even if she does sulk on her phone, my guess is that you'll be too busy to notice...
Posted by sep72fendr[/QUOTE]

She's 25. WELL above the age to know that it's rude.

sep72fendr · August 2010

She's 25? Are you effing kidding me? She'll be fine. Don't worry about it/her/the situation. You have better/more important things to worry about than your grown adult woman cousin texting all night. Like your guests who are there to see you and your new hubby.

goetzr19 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridezilla-not-bridezilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3f7e1dbe-4438-4c6a-beb6-9595e01fdc0fPost:316c4f44-dd59-43d0-9887-751630e67578">Re: To Bridezilla or Not to Bridezilla......</a>:
[QUOTE]She's 25? Are you effing kidding me? She'll be fine. Don't worry about it/her/the situation. You have better/more important things to worry about than your grown adult woman cousin texting all night. Like your guests who are there to see you and your new hubby.
Posted by sep72fendr[/QUOTE]

Thanks. :) It's hard for you girls to get the full situation and see what she is like, but it's been on my mind. It's seriously annoying, and if she were just a guest it wouldn't matter in the least. But, being a bridesmaid kind of puts her in a mini-spotlight with us to celebrate, and I just don't want all my pictures to have 4 bridesmaids having fun and one in the corner.

tldh · August 2010

All she has to do is stand and smile for pics. You aren't even going to notice her at the reception - others guests angling for your attention will see to that.

kayboo1218 · August 2010

I have to agree with everyone else, if she does spend the whole time on her phone I promise you will not notice! Don't stress over something like this, you will have much more important things on your mind! =]

thesuninherhead · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridezilla-not-bridezilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3f7e1dbe-4438-4c6a-beb6-9595e01fdc0fPost:316c4f44-dd59-43d0-9887-751630e67578">Re: To Bridezilla or Not to Bridezilla......</a>:
[QUOTE]She's 25? Are you effing kidding me? She'll be fine. Don't worry about it/her/the situation. You have better/more important things to worry about than your grown adult woman cousin texting all night. Like your guests who are there to see you and your new hubby.
Posted by sep72fendr[/QUOTE]
this.

mysticl · August 2010

I can totally see someone who is 25 spending all night texting. I've been in staff trainings were people in their 20s were checking their personal e-mails and texting from their phones. Didn't turn it off even when the boss said something.

But as far as things to worry about I wouldn't. And if she texts all night I doubt there will be photos of it because your photographer won't see that as something fun or interesting to take a pic of. And maybe if she hears enought people mutter about how rude she is she will get the hint about her behavior.

kayakrunhike · August 2010

I know people like this, and it annoys me as well. But she's an adult, and I wouldn't say anything. Like the PPs said, you won't even notice. I actually found out a couple weeks ago that my brother's FI went out to their car during the speeches, etc, and was throwing a hissy fit. My older brother (her FI) and eventually my younger brother had to go out and get her bc she was going to miss dinner. (She was upset bc they got engaged 6 months before us, and still have no wedding date picked, let alone a wedding planned). I never had a clue it happened, and they were all at a table maybe 20 feet away from us.

quotequeen · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridezilla-not-bridezilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3f7e1dbe-4438-4c6a-beb6-9595e01fdc0fPost:aa0d18f2-0f9b-45d8-aa6b-e3ea1a89db14">Re: To Bridezilla or Not to Bridezilla......</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: To Bridezilla or Not to Bridezilla...... : Thanks. :) It's hard for you girls to get the full situation and see what she is like, but it's been on my mind. It's seriously annoying, and if she were just a guest it wouldn't matter in the least. But, being a bridesmaid kind of puts her in a mini-spotlight with us to celebrate, and I just don't want all my pictures to have 4 bridesmaids having fun and one in the corner.
Posted by goetzr19[/QUOTE]

You already asked, so it's too late for that. There's no reason to think that your five BMs are going to be in the same place for pictures throughout the reception such that you would notice there's one missing in photos. I'm sure she will put her phone away for the group photos.

Beachy730 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridezilla-not-bridezilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3f7e1dbe-4438-4c6a-beb6-9595e01fdc0fPost:b9caf353-abaf-4aff-8c3e-8b5559545b33">Re: To Bridezilla or Not to Bridezilla......</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: To Bridezilla or Not to Bridezilla...... : You already asked, so it's too late for that. There's no reason to think that your five BMs are going to be in the same place for pictures throughout the reception such that you would notice there's one missing in photos. I'm sure she will put her phone away for the group photos.
Posted by quotequeen[/QUOTE]

Exactly what I was going to say. I don't think after dinner there was one point where all of my BMs and/or me were close enough to be all in one picture. Everyone was having a blast and doing their own thing, which is what you want.

Are you inviting her BF? If its a serious relationship I assume you're inviting him and the plus is that him being there will probably keep her from texting as much. But if she chooses to sit in the corner and text thats her choice and really will not at all affect you unless you let it. If you are worried about her texting at the ceremony you can just say something in the limo if you have one or the back of your ceremony site in general like "okay all cell phones stay in the limo."

Personally, I text a lot (LDR causes that ), and my mom felt the need to point out to me many times that I shouldn't be texting at my wedding. I had no clue where my phone even was, and it only was with us so we could call the reception site when we got there to be let in the back door. And, H and I have been known to text while in the same room, usually when we say something we don't want other people to hear, or saying something about someone there. However I am an adult and know when not to text or have my phone on.

danieliza1127 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridezilla-not-bridezilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3f7e1dbe-4438-4c6a-beb6-9595e01fdc0fPost:55480a44-1324-4ab1-8792-784bc19a5bbd">Re: To Bridezilla or Not to Bridezilla......</a>:
[QUOTE]As long as she isn't texing at the altar, I don't think it's worth stressing out about. It's rude, but that's a reflection on her -- not you. You have to choose your battles. This one really isn't worth fighting.
Posted by Celles[/QUOTE]

I agree with all of that.

srkropf · August 2010

Have a groomsman kidnap the phone before the ceremony and hide it in a car-- or have your grandmother/mom speak with her-- perhaps she will grow up enough to know cell phones are a no no at weddings.

goetzr19 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridezilla-not-bridezilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3f7e1dbe-4438-4c6a-beb6-9595e01fdc0fPost:552fafb7-dc49-44cf-a347-375827614885">Re: To Bridezilla or Not to Bridezilla......</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: To Bridezilla or Not to Bridezilla...... : Exactly what I was going to say. I don't think after dinner there was one point where all of my BMs and/or me were close enough to be all in one picture. Everyone was having a blast and doing their own thing, which is what you want. Are you inviting her BF? If its a serious relationship I assume you're inviting him and the plus is that him being there will probably keep her from texting as much. But if she chooses to sit in the corner and text thats her choice and really will not at all affect you unless you let it. If you are worried about her texting at the ceremony you can just say something in the limo if you have one or the back of your ceremony site in general like "okay all cell phones stay in the limo." Personally, I text a lot (LDR causes that ), and my mom felt the need to point out to me many times that I shouldn't be texting at my wedding. I had no clue where my phone even was, and it only was with us so we could call the reception site when we got there to be let in the back door. And, H and I have been known to text while in the same room, usually when we say something we don't want other people to hear, or saying something about someone there. However I am an adult and know when not to text or have my phone on.
Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]

Yeah, her BF is invited, but he will also be texting away. Ugh.....thanks for all the advice ladies, and I REALLY REALLY appreciate that no one was b*tchy to me about it. I wanted advice, but I was waiting for someone to take my head off over the situation!

wadingmoose · August 2010

I'll be honest, if I had to do it over again, I'd go bridezilla.

I know, this isn't an answer to your ACTUAL question, but I was intrigued by the title.

akmackay · August 2010

My cousin was a BM (age: 15) and she texts constantly. As long as she didn't text during the ceremony I was fine. She was more concerned with trying to figure out how to get drinks than who to text next. Everyone at your reception will be using their phone at one point or another- are you going to tell all of them "no texting at my reception!" no. She will be fine. Like pp'ers said, ask your grandmother to talk to her if you think it's that big of an issue, but I would just let it be.

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