Inviting mother of the groom for day-of hair and makeup?

goodmanr · February 2012

I am having a small, destination-type wedding with 50 guests coming to stay for three days at a big property in the CO mountains. With so few guests, my wedding party is very small-- just my sister and best friend. I would LOVE to spend the day of the wedding just with them and my mom, getting hair, makeup and makeup done. My future MIL is sweet to me, but very high stress and very opinionated. Is it assumed that the mother of the groom will be invited along for the day-of pampering, or is there any wiggle room there? One possibility would be doing a nails-outing a couple days before and including her in that, and then just my mom and two bridesmaids on the day of...or, I could suck it up and include her day-of.

Would hugely appreciate any advice! I am the first of my friends to get married, so not sure of etiquette here. Thanks!

RIFallBride · February 2012

Touchy situation but she should respect your feelings as well as your mother's for the day of. I know my mom would not want to share those moments with my FMIL. I think including her in the nails outing but not the make-up is a nice compromise.

adamar15 · February 2012

I didn't invite my MIL. I just got ready with my MOH and mom. I don't think there's any "rule" that you have to invite her to get ready with you if you don't want her there.

Loopyseven · February 2012

I invited mine to come to the salon with us and stuff but I don't think it is necessary for everyone. My MIL would have taken it as a personal slight not to be included so it was easier to just have her there. I was busy getting my hair and make up done so I knew she was there, but it really didn't make any difference if she was or wasn't for me.

Maggie0829 · February 2012

I didn't invite mine but since she took it upon herself to book her appointment with my stylist and thus doing so took my appointment time I had to include her in my day of hair and makeup (I ended up having the stylist and makeup girl come to my house to make things a bit easier).

I would have preferred her not to be there...I really just wanted to spend the morning with my Mom and BMs but I worked with her and it was decided that she would get everything done first and then go spend the rest of the morning with her son (which I thought she would want to do anyway) to make sure he was up and getting ready.

It was a good compromise and worked out fine.

Jana711 · February 2012

I'm not planning to invite my FMIL to the room where I'll be getting my hair and makeup done. It will just be my mom and my bridal party. Thankfully, she's staying at another hotel so it's not like she could just come downstairs to our room. My FMIL and I just have an average relationship, but I don't want her there because she is very vocal and opinionated, and quite frankly, I don't want to have to deal with her the hours leading up to the wedding.

I think that it depends on your relationship with your FMIL.

rlavach · February 2012

I offered to pay for my FMIL to get her hair & makeup done along with me, my BMs and mom, but she declined since she doesn't trust that my stylist can do her hair. She doesn't speak English & none of us speak French, so I think she's just paranoid that she won't be able to communicate what she wants & will leave looking like a fool.

jemmini6 · February 2012

I had a hair stylist come to my hotel room (at the venue we were getting married at) and let my MIL know what the prices would be if she decided to use her. She did choose to get her hair done, so I called her when the sylist was finished with my hair, she walked over to my room, got her hair done, and then went back to the hotel room H was getting ready in. I love my MIL, so it wouldn't have been a problem if she wanted to stay the whole time, but H is her oldest and first son to get married, so she wanted to be with him during most of the getting ready time.

I don't think you are out of line though for wanting it to be just your BM's and mom.

stefaniewattie · February 2012

I offered it to my FMIL and she accepted, were going to a salon and honestly until I read this post I hadnt even thought about not wanting her there..which is weird because we dont have a very good relationship. haha. Im pretty sure she will just be coming to the salon, getting her hair and makeup done and then going to wherever FI is when I go back to my parents house to get dressed.

lyndausvi · February 2012

Everyone has different relationships their MIL so it's not a one answer fits all type of thing.

I invited my MIL and 2 SIL (who were BM's) to the salon. I just said "Hey, we are getting our hair done at 'x' if you want to come along. MIL and one SIL are hair dressers themselves, so they all declined.

My SIL is also a makeup artist so she did my at the house. I invited my MIL along as well. So she saw me get dressed. I have a great shot of MIL and my mom both tearing up as I put on the dress. It was really sweet.

That said, my SILs (brothers' wives) never invited my mom and I do not think she thought twice about it. She was busy entertaining anyway.

ETA - I just noticed it was a DW (mine was also). There are only so many good salons. I think you need to realize there is a good chance of her picking the same place on her own. So even if you don't officially invite her, she might be there anyway.

goodmanr · February 2012

Thanks all SO much for your thoughts-- really helpful to at least know that it's mixed! The thing about it being a DW is that I really don't think she is going to go get her hair and makeup done if she doesn't go with us. We will be up in the mountains a ways from anything, so if she doesn't go with us, she probably won't go. That said, I have NEVER in seven years seen her wear makeup or do anything with her hair, so I'm not sure that she would want to...

So helpful to have opinions! Thanks!

lyndausvi · February 2012

She might not want to go, but it's not unusual for MOGs to step it up a little for their son's wedding.

PhiSigFly · February 2012

My FMIL would definitely feel slighted and be offended if she were not included. She got her hair and makeup done in the bridal suite for FBIL's wedding and told everyone that her son could do so much better than the bride and she was upset that they were getting married. I was very hesitant to invite her to be in the room with me, as I'm sure you could imagine. However, to keep the peace, I offered it and have scheduled her for the last appointment of the day. My photographer wants me DONE by 3pm, and her appointment isn't even until 4:15. She'll be ready just in time for family photos, and I won't even see her until then.

sweetcanadian1979 · February 2012

It is a small DW, i am sure she would feel completely slighted being excluded. Is this how you want to start married life with the MIL? You don't have to be her best friend. Honestly i would just ask her what she wants, maybe she won't want to get it done but will feel good that she is included?

The grooms mother usually gets the shaft when the boys get married. I am not having my MIL but i adore her, only reason she won't be with us is the wedding is 30 minutes away & that is where she lives, makes no sense for her to come here just to go back, she won't feel so rushed this way. If we had a dw she would be with us without a doubt.

lynchaa · February 2012

I am having a hairstylist & makeup artist come to the place we're getting ready, and I had MOH send an email out with all the information on cost including to FMIL, I thin kshe has decided she wants to join in.

Inviting mother of the groom for day-of hair and makeup?

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