Hey ladies! Got another etiquette question for you. You guys take care of me so much. I have two situations here but they are related so I decided to merge them into one post.
1) One of my bms has a friend who is more of an acquaintence of mine. Recently, my bm gave me the heads up this girl is planning on asking me if she is invited to the wedding. (apparently she goes between not being sure she's invited and assuming she is [making comments like, "this wedding is going to be so great!"] My bm would not acknowledge these comments because she doesn't want to hurt her friend and doesn't think its her place to break the news that she's not on the guestlist). One would think she would be clued in to the situation when she didn't recieve the STD a few months ago, but alas no such luck. I know this question is incredibly rude to ask a bride, but I want to take the high road on answering, because I know this girl is nice and probably has no clue what she wants to ask is rude. I hope she rethinks asking me if she is invited, but if she doesn't I want to be prepared with a tactful response. I know the usual line here on TK is, "We're on a budget, and while we'd love to invite everyone, we're keeping it a small an intimate affair with family and close friends only." Here's my issue. My wedding is not small, well it is but it isn't. We are keeping it to family and close friends, but both FI and my families are big (esp. since my parents are inviting 2nd and some 3rd cousins, and they have a lot of close friends), and excluding our wedding party, FI and I invited about 45 of our closest friends (to be fair this 45 includes our friends' dates who are in serious relationships). All in all, our guest list totals 230+ (though we only expect 150-180 because we already know most extended family won't be flying in). I usually used the "small and intimate" line for those who don't know the details of the wedding, but this girl knows our wedding isn't small. (She knows a lot of mutual friends who are invited, and also some of my bms and gms offered to help FI and I stuff our STDs, so after that weekend my bm had been joking with this girl about how she got a millions paper cuts from all the paper folding and stuffing.) So I know the "small and intimate" line won't work, any suggestions on how to let this girl down lightly?
2) Another friend of mine is not invited but assumes she is. I consider her more than an acquaintence, but less than a close friend. We met and bonded years ago over liking the same band and go to their shows together. We keep in contact online and see each other every few years. (I haven't been able to go to as many shows because of my schedule these last few years, and she's a few years younger than me and has been busy with undergrad and studying abroad). So while I enjoy the times catching up with her, she really doesn't have much of an active presence in my life right now, and she isn't one of those super close friends, as much as I would love to have her at the wedding FI and I had to draw some "cut lines" somewhere (especially since we both have a lot of close friends and close friends' SOs, while still respecting our parents' budget.) Anyways, so a little while ago, she and I were talking online and she asked how planning was going and if I was balancing it with grad school ok. I told her it was hectic but I was doing ok. She then asked when the wedding was again (said she saw it on my FB but didn't remember), and I told her the date. She then made the comment, "Oh ok, I just wanted to make sure I'd be 21 for your wedding so I can drink." The assumption was an awkward position to be in so I just dodged it, didn't acknowlege her comment and changed the subject asking her about her most recent study abroad trip to France. I haven't gotten a chance to speak to her since, but looking back I'm thinking I probably should have nipped the situation in the bud and let her know she wasn't on the guestlist rather than having let her have that false assumption, but I didn't know a tactful way to bring it up and correct her (since it wasn't a direct "am I inviited" question). Anyways, when I talk to her again, I won't bring it up directly and hope she's figured out since she hasn't gotten an STD yet she's not invited, but if she asks again, I would like to have a nice response prepared. Suggestions?
Thanks in advance ladies, and sorry about the length of the post.
Live.The.Moment.
cSc 7.22.10
planning bio
