How long...?

[Deleted User] · December 2010

My boyfriend and I have been together for eleven months now and have been discussing getting engaged for about...ten of those months. I love the idea of getting married on what would've been my parents anniversary, but it doesn't fall on a Saturday until 2014. At that point we'll be twenty seven and I think its a perfect age. He's moving to be with me in April, so there's the possibility of getting engaged anytime after that. I'm just wondering how long is too long for an engagement?

DanielleZZ · December 2010

I don't think any length is too long, just do what feels right for the two of you. Mine was about 18 months.

skyler1108 · December 2010

I personally am having a two year engagement. Sometimes when I talk to people they mention that it is a long engagement and I do agree but it is what worked for us.

I personally think that an engagement should not be more than 2-3 years. This is just my opinion. There will be some people who agree with me and those who do not. You need to do what is best for you.

One thing is for sure though. Do not start planning your wedding until your engaged!

[Deleted User] · December 2010

Thanks for the quick reponses! I've been looking at things and I have ideas of what I like, but of course things will be different by the time we get married. So ideally we should wait until 2012 at the earliest?

LadyArkham · December 2010

I think what people are saying is: there is no standard, ideal time for dating, engagement, or getting married. It's what works for you and your boyfriend.

That being said, in my experience, the sooner you start planning, the sooner wedding thoughts become a bigger part of your life and your relationship, and they can crowd out other things. There's time for everything, so relax, keep lines of communication open with your BF, and enjoy the present!

SeaTea02 · December 2010

I think it is kind of silly to wait until 2014 to get married jsut so you can get married on your parent's anniversary. Are there other reasons you want to wait until 2014?

loves2shop4shoes · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_long-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:39dd85c2-2b35-43cc-ac78-4d72a0e36321Post:91a4f0b7-d87e-43d7-af6f-fb8f4ff0dcdf">Re: How long...?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think it is kind of silly to wait until 2014 to get married jsut so you can get married on your parent's anniversary. Are there other reasons you want to wait until 2014?
Posted by SeaTea02[/QUOTE]

<div>This. If anything, wait to get engaged until you've been together longer...11 months is pretty short.</div>

[Deleted User] · December 2010

I don't think its silly. My Dad passed away three years ago and I think it would be nice to get married on what would've been my parents anniversary. And yes, eleven months isn't long. But sometimes you just know. By the time we get married we will have been together over four years. Also, we're both going back to school. So it will give us time to save as well as work towards degrees and better jobs.

ECI1151 · December 2010

I think the reason you want to wait until 2014 is very nice however, you just have to be aware that getting engaged now and waiting that long will mean that you should not really start planning for like two years. If you are okay with that and think you can wait that long then i say go for it. But I know in my case once I got engaged I was so excited to stated planning and I know I couldn't have waited that long.

Also, you do not have to have your wedding on Saturday. If you want to do it sooner there is nothing unusual about having your wedding on another day of the week.

[Deleted User] · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_long-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:39dd85c2-2b35-43cc-ac78-4d72a0e36321Post:9289c3f3-79d9-40e9-89ef-a0b00f5763c4">Re: How long...?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think the reason you want to wait until 2014 is very nice however, you just have to be aware that getting engaged now and waiting that long will mean that you should not really start planning for like two years. If you are okay with that and think you can wait that long then i say go for it. But I know in my case once I got engaged I was so excited to stated planning and I know I couldn't have waited that long.
Posted by ECI1151[/QUOTE]

Thank you. I really have no idea when it might happen. He's been saving for a bit, but is nowhere near ready to make the big purchase. We each have cousins getting married next September, so he might wait until after that at least. I was just trying to get advice.

ECI1151 · December 2010

Oh okay i thought yall were getting engaged like within the next couple of mo nths. I think it sounds like getting married on your parents anniversary is very important to you and as long as you and FI are okay with wating until thenthat is what you should do.

msgraphics · December 2010

You don't need to become engaged right away but you can keep shooting for 2014. It sounds like you have some other things that need your full attention at the moment. You don't have to be married or engaged to be fully committed to one another. We were dating 4 years before he proposed and will have an 18 month engagement. We waited till he was done with school and in a good job and now we both have time for planning.

[Deleted User] · December 2010

I'm 99% sure it won't happen in the next few months. BUT you never know. And he's very ok with the date. It gives us time to get our lives together. Right now we don't even live in the same state.

ebanezie · December 2010

I am SOO glad to see other long engagements on here! I am having trouble picking a date and I was thinking Oct 2012 but everyone keeps giving me the "why so long?!" speech.
I need time!! We both have a lot going on this year, I went back to school and started a new job....he's moving in at the beginning of 2011 and I just felt like it was too much going to on to have the wedding I want without wanting to pull my hair out lol

missfarar · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_long-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:39dd85c2-2b35-43cc-ac78-4d72a0e36321Post:e7f9b586-9a72-498e-96a8-889466627204">Re: How long...?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think what people are saying is: there is no standard, ideal time for dating, engagement, or getting married. It's what works for you and your boyfriend. That being said,<strong> in my experience, the sooner you start planning, the sooner wedding thoughts become a bigger part of your life and your relationship, and they can crowd out other things. There's time for everything, so relax, keep lines of communication open with your BF, and enjoy the present!</strong>
Posted by LadyArkham[/QUOTE]

I agree with this 100%. FI & I started discussing getting married almost immediately after officially becoming a couple (we'd casually been dating for a year already). Our lives have not had one day without a mention of the wedding since. (Usually, its my fault, but really...it takes OVER my mind!!) Don't try to overthink the engagement or wedding planning just yet!

[Deleted User] · December 2010

Don't rush or anticipate anything. When you do, sometimes you just become let down when your expectations to be engaged by this particular date don't happen. When your BF is ready to propose, he will. It may not be for a few more years, who knows. Like Lady Arkham said, just live and enjoy the present.

No engagement length is too long, it is whatever works for your life and budget planning, etc. We were engaged for about 15 months.

Elle1036 · December 2010

I know couples who were engaged for over 5 years, but that was generally because, at some point during the engagement, something happened to force them to push the wedding back.

In general, I agree with Skyler. If it gets much longer than 2 years, I think it's kinda silly. Do what works for you, but I don't see why you feel the need to be engaged now if you aren't getting married until 2014.

Cristine2011 · December 2010

By the time we get married it will be over 2.5 years because I'm finishing up my bachelor's degree. The long engagement was quite nice, I was able to have my flurry of excitement when it first happened, then I got to cool down and focus on school, and now the excitement for the wedding is mounting again!

Jennifer&Nate · December 2010

FI and I are having about a 1.5 year engagement. I'm enjoying just being engaged...no stress or pressure to throw everything together immediately!

wingedorange · December 2010

For what it's worth, I got engaged this past June (2010), and we aren't getting married until 2013 because I'm in graduate school and I want to get through my comprehensive exams so most of my personal craziness is over before our wedding. Would I like to have a shorter engagement? Absolutely. But it just doesn't make sense for us right now.

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