Ladies, I need some advice about something that is hard to talk about with people I know. Please be frank, I feel like I need a shove in the right direction.
I (and my twin) am the youngest of five, the oldest being only four years ahead of me so we're fairly close. My problem is with my oldest brother -- in my mind, I am not inviting him to the wedding. For the record, my FI is 100% in line with however I want to handle this.
For background info, he is not right in the head. He has some sort of personality disorder, but not something that isn't overcomeable. He is very selfish and rude. At every family occasion, he segregates himself and his wife and when he is around other people he puts most of his energy into insulting people. He has moments when he can be sweet, but they are few and far between. He is very emotionally abusive, especially towards his wife.
But this is the worst thing he has ever said to me and I am having such a hard time getting past it. I haven't spoken to him since early June of this year. We were at a family gathering and there was an incident where I lobbed an empty pop bottle at him and hit him in the face by accident. I was immediately apologetic but he flipped out, charged over and hit me in the mouth with it, then told me if I ever hit him again he was going to "f%&*ing stab me". I won't tell you what I called him, but it would make most people cringe. Starts with a c. I left and went for a walk. I was devastated. My FI was not there -- that never would have happened if he was. My brother and I haven't spoken since.
So this is my crossroads I am at. Half of me thinks that I need to do the mature thing and forget it. Invite him but not necessarily speak to him. At least that way, I will still be in contact with his daughter (my only niece, she's only four months old). But on the other hand, I just feel like that's how anyone and everyone has always handled him and we're not getting anywhere. I feel like maybe not coming to my wedding will get through to him. Maybe. But probably not.
The wedding is two months away, if you made it this far in my post, thank you. I really, really need some advice. Please be honest, what would you do?
ETA: Regarding my niece, I know when there is a child involved that changes things. But the reason he had a baby was to have a bargaining chip. They tried and became pregnant before their wedding because they wanted to beat my oldest sister (oldest of us all, one year above him, married for four years now and TTC for three years) to the punch and give the first grandchild. So that makes me even more torn, that my niece is being used like that.
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