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amongthelilies25 · June 2011

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LittleBigO · June 2011

Oh Monica I'm so sorry!! Prayers are coming your way hardcore that His will be done and everything goes according to His plan - as well as peace and clarity for the two of you!! *hugs*

StacyJenniges · June 2011

Oh I'm sorry you are going through this. I will pray that you and your fiance find the correct answer for the two of you and that you make the correct desion that is in God's plan for you.

amongthelilies25 · June 2011

thank you beth!

SuMmErKuTiE · June 2011

I'm sorry to hear about what you've been through and I can understand how upsetting it must be to you. But you also have to look at it from his perspective. He should have some respect for your feelings and what you've been through with your mom, but he also should be his own person who makes his own decisions. A lot of guys can't stand it when a girl dictates what they can and can't do. Him having a few beers with the guys at a bar or a pool hall or at dinner isn't going to hurt either of you as long as it's done in moderation. He's not an alcoholic or abusive when he does have a few beers, so it shouldn't be a big deal.

I hope your heart will soften towards the ideas of those you love enjoying a drink or two. It's hard when you've been hurt by a family member who abuses alcohol time and time again, but most people don't and know how to have one or two and call it a night. Learn to trust your FI that he's not going to abuse it and come to a middle ground with him that both of you can agree on and think is best for your relationship. I hope you feel better about it soon and you won't be fighting as much. *Hugs*

amongthelilies25 · June 2011

*hugs to everyone*

thanks a lot. i know i need to work on it... but it is sooo hard. especially when my FI has lied to me about alcohol in the past. it just makes me feel even more distrust for him.

idk..i pray it gets better.

drama1308 · June 2011

I am so sorry you are dealing with so many issues right now. I have no idea what it must be like for you, but you will certainly be in my prayers!!!! and your FI as well.

I hope you two can over come this and contiue on towards a Godly marriage. Perhaps Satan is really trying to get us to fight with our FIs because we have been fighting too over alcohol. (but not to the extent of you).

ETA: I also know about how hard it hurts when FI has lied in the past. You are most certainly in my prayers!!

[Deleted User] · June 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_fighting-fi-please-pray?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:f4a55d58-dca7-4a3e-82cb-f22762b798cfPost:b4c86450-5071-4114-ae32-b5299def4b1a">fighting with FI.. please pray</a>:
[QUOTE]I have been fighting with my FI for a few days now. We went on a remarkable romantic date and had a picnic by a waterfall and everything. but even during dinner we started fighting again. My mother is an alcoholic.she has struggled with alcoholism my whole life and was only truly sober for about 3 years out of my life (i am 24). I was taken away from my mother by CPS when i was 5 for a little over a year and then taken away again when i was 14. so... yes... i have ALOT of issues with alcohol consumption. I have actually gotten ALOT better with it. My FI likes to drink... he enjoys drinking beer with dinner and watching sports. he likes to go to bars with his friends and play pool. I feel like he doesnt think about my feelings and just does whatever feels good to him. In the past he has lied, sneaked, and omitted about alcohol before he went to ministry school. Then he was gone for 9 months and was getting transformed by God. He comes home and its back to drinking. It truly upsets me. <strong>We fought soo much in the past few days that i even gave my ring back to him and told his family that the wedding was off.</strong> please please PLEASE pray. just pray for God's will... cuz at the moment i am highly confused. i know i need to get over a lot of my fear and insecurity regarding alcohol.. so please pray God will set me free of that too. thanks ladies.
Posted by amongthelilies25[/QUOTE]

I don't post on here often, but I'd just like to mention that a lot of your posts are extreme ups or downs. you hated your invites, you hated your flower girl dress, you changed your *EDIT: colors*, you couldn't talk to your FI while he was at ministry school and so he had to lie about being engaged or talking to you (or something like that), you were fighting when he came home from ministry school... I think you just need to chill out a little bit. I am a Type A person and I tend to stress out and over-dramatize things and I really can see it in your posts. if I'm not careful, I tend to have extreme ups and downs.

seriously, just chill out a little bit. not every fight needs to be a huge blow-up. granted, this is something that can be a deal-breaker. FI used to drink a lot when we first met, and I don't drink at all and I don't want a home where alcohol is normal. had he not gotten his drinking under control (and other things in his life, not just the drinking), we wouldn't have dated, much less got engaged.

you can't keep blowing up and having these crazy roller coaster emotions. you just can't. it's exhausting for you, for your family, for your FI, his family, your friends... and I know this from EXPERIENCE. because I have done it myself. and it NEVER ends well.

and I find it hard to believe that a guy that went to such a strict ministry school that he couldn't "emotionally date" even though he was ENGAGED would be okay with even casual, social drinking. things aren't matching up.

and giving back the ring and telling his family the wedding was off? did you really want to do that? one time FI and I got in such a bad fight that I gave him the ring back. I didn't want to break up, but I wanted him to fight to keep me. it didn't work out that way and we had some major discussions about it. it was not right of me to do that. granted, I was having major hormonal ups and downs with a new birth control and I partly blame that.

this turned out to be a really long post!! but you can only have so many blow-up, explosive, ending-the-engagement/relationship/whatever-and-telling-his-family kinds of fights until he will be done with it. is that really what you want?

I don't mean to offend you, but I had to have some intervention to see the damage I was doing to my relationship with FI because of similar issues. thankfully now, we have less of the explosive fights and more of the take-a-few-breaths-and-really-think-about-what's-going-on type fights. and I'll never, ever give my ring back or mention "break up" or "divorce", no matter how mad I am at him. that's destructive behavior. it destroys trust in a relationship.

good luck! :)

amongthelilies25 · June 2011

thanks for the advice. i do need to work on it.

i erased my post because i do not want to dwell or talk about it anymore.

i appreciate all the input. thanks!

kellya01 · June 2011

Hey monica, I just dropped in to let you know that I'll be praying for you and for your FI. Sometimes we just go through extreme emotional responses, and going through planning a wedding can sometimes elicit the BIGGEST emotional responses our friends and family have ever seen from us. Just work on praying when you feel like you'll react strongly, and ask God for a level heart and peace to step into the next step wherever He deems it to be.

Whatever happens, know that we're here for you. I'm sorry that you are experiencing such major ups and downs. It's tough since you JUST kind of met your FI after being away from him for SO long ... so I can only imagine the emotions you are experiencing! Love you, girl.

Purple&7 · June 2011

I'm so sorry to hear about what's going on. I will say a pray for you and FI and that God's will be done! ((Hugs))

mrandmrsbrist · June 2011

I don't understand or "get" everything you're going through, but know that I am praying for you and your FI.

AshNoel8 · June 2011

I know you don't want to talk about it and that's understandable, but just know that I care about you and you are in my prayers!! Keep your head up girl! We are here for you!

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