I'm actually losing sleep over this!

swalker04 · June 2012

My fiance and I want to have a catholic ceremony. We booked our reception site in our hometown, and we have been looking at churches. My church will not let me get married any later than 2pm on a Saturday. Our reception is starting at 6pm..... Thats 4 hrs!!

I can't have 4 hours in between everything! It will probably be 3 hours after the ceremony and receiving line.

Is it OK to have 3 hrs in between? I don't feel like it is!

Avion22 · June 2012

This seems to be a fairly common issue with Catholic weddings. You might try the Catholic board under "Cultural Wedding Boards" to see if anyone has any advice for you.

As a guest, I would be annoyed at a gap that long, especially if I was from out-of-town. But if most of your guests are Catholic, then maybe this would be "normal" to them? I would still ATTEND a wedding with a gap, I'd just be a little annoyed:-)

Yeah...try the Catholic board, I think they'll be more help that I am!

MairePoppy · June 2012

This is commonly referred to as the Catholic Gap. I grew up Catholic. Most of the weddings I have attended were Catholic. The receptions were held immediately following the ceremony, regardless of the time. So try moving your cocktail hour to 3 or 3:30 with dinner at 4. Your guests would rather have an early dinner than wonder around for 3 hours.

I know all our local Catholic churches have Saturday late afternoon/evening mass, so they are not able to do a wedding ceremony later than 2 o'clock.

willywally5 · June 2012

We even ran into this at our Lutheran church. They have a 5:30 service on Saturdays, so the latest they'll allow a wedding is 3 PM. Fortunately, reception venue can work with that, but not all venues will. DD's reception begins at 4. Given the length of the ceremony, receiving line and the ten to 15 mintues it take to get to the receptoin site, that should be just about perfect.

LDubHawksFan · June 2012

I am invited to one this summer back in IA. I'm a little annoyed about a 3 hr gap, but I guess my other college friends and I will find a pub......or if my wedding dress is in I might squeeze in a fitting! haha (highly unlikely!)

Simply Fated · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_im-actually-losing-sleep-over-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:951e3836-2c96-45ee-a574-0378dc481c06Post:17e47be8-c715-4279-a5f6-6b23c08328d5">Re: I'm actually losing sleep over this!</a>:
[QUOTE]It is selfish to have a gap. In my area they are common, the in-town guests go home shower, eat something, take a nap, and then go to the reception.<strong> If you have even one out of town guest they will have to mill around an unfamiliar area for hours.</strong> Just move the recpetion time up. Our recpetion started at 3:30. We still served a full dinner, had a DJ and dancing. Everyone had a good time, no one had to figure out how to kill an afternoon.
Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]
That's what we had to do and it was awful. It might be common in some circles, but it's still rude.

Try to talk to the reception venue and see if you can get the time moved up. Some places will work with you.

sarahsaturday2701 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_im-actually-losing-sleep-over-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:951e3836-2c96-45ee-a574-0378dc481c06Post:036084a0-ffe5-43b0-af42-42cc24ab6faa">Re: I'm actually losing sleep over this!</a>:
[QUOTE]This seems to be a fairly common issue with Catholic weddings. You might try the Catholic board under "Cultural Wedding Boards" to see if anyone has any advice for you. As a guest, I would be annoyed at a gap that long, especially if I was from out-of-town. But if most of your guests are Catholic, then maybe this would be "normal" to them? I would still ATTEND a wedding with a gap, I'd just be a little annoyed:-) Yeah...try the Catholic board, I think they'll be more help that I am!
Posted by Avion22[/QUOTE]

I would agree with this. The gap sucks but I am Catholic and have attended mostly Catholic weddings so it's totally normal to me. If your guests are not used to the Catholic gap they might be pissed though. One of my friend's parents hosted a little gathering at their house in between the ceremony and reception, seemed to work pretty well for them. Maybe you could do something like that?

Summer2011Bride · June 2012

Gaps suck, ,and this is coming from someone who is used to gaps as almost everyone around here, Catholic or not, has one. FWIW, we didn't because I hate them so much!

Growing up Catholic, I am used to the "Catholic gap" because they have early evening services (my childhood church had a 430 service on Saturdays). I think the best course of action is moving up the reception. If you have any sort of receiving line and then a "send off" if you are doing it with bubbles or what not, that takes up some time. Driving to the reception site takes some time. So if your ceremony is at 2 and you are having a full Catholic mass, that would be 3, plus with these other things, I think the earliest you'd have to start cocktail hour is 3:30. Do that for an hour, you and FI can come in at 430 or so, dinner is served by 5. A little early, yes, but I would rather eat early than have a huge gap to fill.

RebeccaB88 · June 2012

Could your church accomodate a morning ceremony, and your reception venue do a brunch/luncheon reception?

swalker04 · June 2012

Thanks Everyone!

It is annoying, and I believe the wedding is more for the guests and families than for the bride and groom. I would be annoyed, unfortunately the hotel hosting our reception could only MAYBE move it up to 4:30pm, and that won't be an option until the hotel knows for sure they are not having an event during the day. One positive is we dont have many out of town guests since we both live where we are having the reception.

I thought about having a 11-5 wedding, however my fiance's parents are paying and said absolutely not. Furthermore my church wont marry people before 11! So we would be paying for and losing an hour anyway.

Thanks for the advice. I'm ready to give up and elope or rent out a bar from 3-6! It's a pretty hip college town ... hoepfully people will have fun!

Lisa50 · June 2012

Move your reception time. Or, move the Mass to 11:00 a.m. and have a luncheon reception.

SKPM · June 2012

In Response to Re:I'm actually losing sleep over this!:[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I'm actually losing sleep over this!:Thanks Everyone!nbsp; It is annoying, and I believe the wedding is more for the guests and families than for the bride and groom. I would be annoyed, unfortunately the hotel hosting our reception could only MAYBE move it up to 4:30pm, and that won't be an option until the hotel knows for sure they are not having an event during the day. One positive is we dont have many out of town guests since we both live where we are having the reception.nbsp; I thought about having a 115 wedding, however my fiance's parents are paying and said absolutely not. Furthermore my church wont marry people before 11! So we would be paying for and losing an hour anyway.nbsp; Thanks for the advice. I'm ready to give up and elope or rent out a bar from 36! It's a pretty hip college town ... hoepfully people will have fun!Posted by swalker04You do realize that the Catholic Church will not recognize your marriage if you marry outside of the Catholic Church?nbsp; No elopement for you!nbsp; I'm sure the girls on the Catholic board can help you.nbsp; Almost all of them have this problem.nbsp; You could always serve late luncheon after the ceremony. Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]
I think she meant renting the bar to fill the gap, not to replace the church. Which actually isn't a bad idea, of you can still host something for your guests to fill the gap.

shine882007 · June 2012

We were just informed we will have this problem now as well. We aren't doing a catholic ceremony, but a non-denominational one. Our church has Saturday evening service starting at 530, so the latest we can have our ceremony is 230. We weren't planning on doing dinner until 530, so now we decided to offer appetizers beforehand and do a cocktail hour.

DramaGeek · June 2012

I have been to more Catholic weddings than I can count and have never experienced the dreaded gap. People just start their reception right after the ceremony and serve an early dinner. There's still drinks, dancing and lots of fun.

hoffse · July 2012

We have a similar issue - we're having a gap of about 45 min-hour (mass starts around 2 and the reception officially starts around 4), but we're planning on doing a receiving line/send-off, and the reception is in a different venue several miles away which people will need to find. Guests might get to the reception venue a little early but we think it will time rather well when all is said and done. The reception place knows to start serving drinks as soon as people show up - apps just won't come out until 4 or so. I lost sleep over this too, and finally moved everything up as early as I could to make things fit without rushing. We're going to introduce the wedding party/do the welcome and toasts around 4:45 and then open the buffet line for dinner. It will be a bit early, but people will be busy all day and you know how it is - people eat when they see food, even if it's earlier or later than their normal dinner time. We are actually liking this plan more and more because it means we should be out of there by 8/8:30 and FI and I can have the rest of the night to ourselves, which was important to us. We're early birds, so the late night thing just wasn't happening. And our guests won't be overly inconvenienced. Win-win.

I suggest you move the reception up absolutely as early as they will allow. If it's 4:30, then it's 4:30. If you want to be super polite, you can write on the reception cards that cocktails and appetizers will be served at 4:30 and dinner at 5:30, in case anybody decides to go home in between and wants to skip the cocktail hour.

QueerFemme · July 2012

If the hotel where your reception is doesn't already have a daytime event, why can't you change the start of your reception? It doesn't seem like you should have to wait around to see if they eventually book the day slot. I would seriously consider speaking to management or something about that.

A 3 hour gap is rude, catholic or not. I would probably attend the ceremony or the reception, but not both. If I attended the ceremony and had to wander around for 2-3 hours, I'd already be tired and just want to go home, before your reception even started.

Hosting a 3 hour cocktail hour at a local pub is nice, but if people have nothing to do but stand around and drink for 3 hours... you might have a lot of half drunk people before your reception even starts!

holo37 · July 2012

We had our wedding on Friday to avoid this problem. With enough notice all our guest were able to be there even though it was a work day. Wedding Mass was 5-6pm. However we were not really permitted a lot of time for famiy pictures in the church as they were getting ready for daily Mass at 7pm

pixalicious · July 2012

I'm also stuck with the gap with our wedding, and it's a 4hr gap. Unfortunately due to the Church and venue we chose, there was nothing we could do about it. I know most of our friends will just go somewhere and have drinks before dinner. We've added a lot of "things to do around town" to our wedding website and have been spreading ideas word of mouth.

blueikaos · July 2012

We are having about an hour and a half gap with ours.
Our ceremony is at a Historic Park and we plan to put info on it in the invite- letting people know to enjoy the park and historic buildings before heading to the recepetion.

I'm actually losing sleep over this!

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