I am so upset. I might DD later because I don't know if I want this part out there forever. And this will probably be long. You've been warned :P
When N came home, we discussed the whole issue again. We decided that we would first ask them what their plans were in Hawaii (to see what they said) and then tell them that we appreciate the trip, but we are planning on spending that time alone because it's our HM. N decided he wanted to do it over Skype (since we always talk with them that way) and he wanted me to be next to him (I thought this was a mistake, but whatever).
We get on Skype and N doesn't handle it well--he's not good in confrontational situations and he gets flustered and forgets what to say. They told us that they're no longer planning the trip and ask us why we're asking. It was a dicey situation and N responded poorly--he said that we were wondering if they were planning on meeting up with us out there (to me, this sounded almost as if we wanted them to meet up with us, which is not the case at all). after an awkward few sentences, we hung up.
BUT they didn't actually hang up, although they thought they did. MIL says "See, I told you they'd be upset. Look at how Noreen acted." First, I didn't act in any way inappropriately. Second, it was her son who brought it up, not me, so why blame me?
So we hang up and I'm like "WTF? Your mom keeps disrespecting me over and over and it's not going to stop until you handle it." N calls her and has another awkward convo, in which she totally dominates the talk, bursts out crying and tells him that he's always hated her.
I feel like I married into an insane asylum.