I posted a few weeks ago about my FMIL trying to be really involved in our wedding plans and our personal life. We asked her to give us a little space and let us plan the wedding our way, and we'll come to her when we need help (but it's such a simple wedding, we don't really need much help). She isn't offering to help pay, just so everyone knows, my family is paying for everything.
When we first got engaged in November, she made a TON of phone calls and told everyone about our engagement and when the wedding would be, and she told us a lot of people expressed interest in coming out for the wedding. When we showed her our guest list, she made a pretty big stink that we left off her husband's cousins (there are 13 of them, we have 119 people and our venues capacity is 120). My FI and I don't even know these couins, and she hasn't really seen them either. Since we made our guest list and showed it to her (back at the end of December) she has brought it up at least once or twice a week, insisting we add them to the list (there isn't anyone else we can cut out though, everyone on the list is super close to us).
We keep telling her no, we keep saying there isn't room, and we'll send announcements to everyone else after the wedding. She believes if we don't invite them we'll hurt their feelings, because they'll hear about other family members that were invited and feel left out (she also keeps saying, back in the day we invited ALL the family to our weddings, back in the day this is just how it was done, this is how a wedding SHOULD be).
I haven't been talking about the wedding around her anymore because I got tired of the suggestions and opinions. My FI already asked numerous times for her to let this one go and she won't. She's very concerned with appearance, and we're worried she extended an invite to them already and now she's nervous they won't get an invitation and they will think less of her (she's almost been begging out of desperation for us to add them). I've been ignoring her requests and comments, should I do or say more here?
Also, I understand that a wedding is the joining of two families and inviting guests does sort of turn your wedding into a family reunion of sorts.... but I'm starting to feel like she thinks this is her family reunion and not our wedding.
Her family reunion is two weeks before our wedding, and she can't afford to go it. Yesterday afternoon she said (in front of me, to her other son), "We can't afford to go to the family reunion, but it's fine because they're all going to be coming here two weeks after it, so we'll still get to have our family reunion this summer. I just wish person X, Y, and Z could come... it would be so good to see them." She hasn't said anything about being happy for us, being excited for our wedding.. we showed her our invitations last night and she just glanced at them and asked if we included her and her husband in the wording.
Every comment she's made regarding "the wedding" has been about her family, seeing her family, which people in her family she feels we should be inviting, how great it will be for everyone to reunite in August (when our wedding is). Am I wrong to feel a little hurt by this? My family is paying for this wedding because they love me and my fiance, and she has made so many demands, and I feel like they are all about her and what she wants, how she wants to be perceived at teh wedding by her family that will be there... I feel like she wants us to invite more of her family that we don't know so the reunion will be bigger.
Has anyone else experienced something like this and felt hurt because of it? or am I just being really stupid here...
