Registry and Gift Forum

Charity rather than registry

Does anyone have any experience with having family/friends who want to buy "shower"/wedding gifts donate to a charity instead of giving gifts?  This is something that my fiance and I are considering but I have no idea how to go about it.  

Re: Charity rather than registry

  • Like most registry things, tell your parents/close friends so when people ask for registry options, they say "Oh, Katie & Groom really want people to donate to Charity X in their name".  If you have a wedding website, you could also put the information on there, perhaps with a link to donating to the charity.

    As for a shower, it'd be harder to do, since showers sort of are all about the gifts, so I'd either skip it or maybe if someone offers to throw you a shower, you could ask them to just make it a dinner party or something not labelled "shower".
    My blog
    image
    "I will greatly rejoice in the LORD, My soul shall be joyful in my God; For He has clothed me with the garments of salvation, He has covered me with the robe of righteousness, As a bridegroom decks himself with ornaments, And as a bride adorns herself with her jewels." -Isaiah 61:10 NKJV
  • edited December 2011
    Gifts are not required so you shouldn't mention anything about guests donating to a charity in lieu of gifts. If you want, you can donate any gifts of money you receive to the charity of your choice after your wedding.

    ETA: Ditto PP. Your family can mention something if someone asks.
  • This question was asked many times, including just a few days ago. The link below will bring you to that thread.

  • Thanks - especially for the link.

    You're right about the shower - which is why I put the quotations around it.  I actually read something on theknot website, not forum, about charity showers, which seems like an option.

    And you're right that guests don't have to bring gifts; I wasn't going to write anything like that on my invitations.  However, in the typical situation, when a couple registers for stuff that they want, how do people find out where a bride registers?  Could I use this same technique to say that if you a looking for my registry, I am honored that you would like to give us a gift; however we have more than we could ever need.  If you'd still like to honor us, we have set up a donataion through such and such....

    I guess simple question:  how to people who do want to buy gifts find out where the couple is registered?
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_charity-rather-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:7def1da2-10fa-4033-98a7-45daa74dcf61Post:96bf7567-d5bd-4987-8cb2-648d2c286672">Charity rather than registry</a>:
    [QUOTE]Does anyone have any experience with having family/friends who want to buy "shower"/wedding gifts donate to a charity instead of giving gifts?  This is something that my fiance and I are considering but I have no idea how to go about it.  
    Posted by KatieK501[/QUOTE]

    Why can't you just donate any cash gifts you get to the charity of your choice?

    It's a wedding, not a charity fundraiser. If you don't want anything, don't ask for anything. And what ever cash you do get, just donate that to the charity of your choice.

    When people get couples gifts, they want it to go to the couple so they can do what ever they want with it, whether it be to pay for a toaster, a honeymoon or go to charity. Telling the guests to just go ahead and directly give the money away to someone else is kinda rude and, I'll admit, weird. It's like you're taking yourself out as the middle man so save yourself the trouble of having to do it yourself.
    image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_charity-rather-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:7def1da2-10fa-4033-98a7-45daa74dcf61Post:87782652-d93f-444b-ad4b-689d6f165b44">Re: Charity rather than registry</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thanks - especially for the link. You're right about the shower - which is why I put the quotations around it.  I actually read something on theknot website, not forum, about charity showers, which seems like an option. And you're right that guests don't have to bring gifts; I wasn't going to write anything like that on my invitations.  However, in the typical situation, when a couple registers for stuff that they want, how do people find out where a bride registers?  Could I use this same technique to say that if you a looking for my registry, I am honored that you would like to give us a gift; however we have more than we could ever need.  If you'd still like to honor us, we have set up a donataion through such and such.... <strong>I guess simple question:  how to people who do want to buy gifts find out where the couple is registered?
    </strong>Posted by KatieK501[/QUOTE]

    Mutiple ways:
    1. A Google search, or just search the registry pages of popular stores in the area. 
    2. Word of mouth.
    3. A section on the wedding website. 
    4. Listed on the shower invite (I know some people aren't a big fan of this one). 

    Please don't have a shower if you don't want people to bring physical gifts.  A charity shower sounds like nothing but a fundraiser.  If you want to have a fundraising event, don't make it wedding-related. 

    I'm generally of the opinion that the best thing to do is to donate some of what you receive to charity.  You can make a small registry of items you'd like to upgrade and donate your older things.  Having a small registry indicates to guests that you'd like cash, so you can donate a portion--or all--of the cash gifts you receive. 

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_charity-rather-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:7def1da2-10fa-4033-98a7-45daa74dcf61Post:87782652-d93f-444b-ad4b-689d6f165b44">Re: Charity rather than registry</a>:
    [QUOTE] I guess simple question:  how to people who do want to buy gifts find out where the couple is registered?
    Posted by KatieK501[/QUOTE]
    Word of mouth and, in more recent years, the internet.
    image
  • I would let it get out through word of mouth that you would be thrilled to have a donation in your name to X charity, but also have a small registry so that people who want to bring an actual gift can.

    There are people who are going to want to give you a physical gift because it makes them happy that they are helping you in your married life together by providing something you need; they aren't going to want to give their money to someone else because you don't want it yourself.

    Another alternative is to donate money instead of giving favors and have cheap bookmarks or cheap edible favors like a candy bar at every seat with a wrapper saying "Money has been donated in your name to X charity."  That only really works if favors are part of your budget, though.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_charity-rather-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:7def1da2-10fa-4033-98a7-45daa74dcf61Post:84b75e59-438b-43fe-bc40-ca331c391110">Re: Charity rather than registry</a>:
    [QUOTE]I would let it get out through word of mouth that you would be thrilled to have a donation in your name to X charity, but also have a small registry so that people who want to bring an actual gift can. There are people who are going to want to give you a physical gift because it makes them happy that they are helping you in your married life together by providing something you need; they aren't going to want to give their money to someone else because you don't want it yourself. Another alternative is to donate money instead of giving favors and have cheap bookmarks or cheap edible favors like a candy bar at every seat with a wrapper saying "Money has been donated in your name to X charity."  That only really works if favors are part of your budget, though.
    Posted by IAmLymelady[/QUOTE]
    Please don't make a donation in anyone's name without their permission. That's not any better.
    image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_charity-rather-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:7def1da2-10fa-4033-98a7-45daa74dcf61Post:eba77964-43a0-4f0b-ae6b-48eba1c335e7">Re: Charity rather than registry</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Charity rather than registry : Please don't make a donation in anyone's name without their permission. That's not any better.
    Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

    If the charity is potentially controversial, I would agree with this. But I went to a wedding where the favors were those Livestrong-type bracelets, but they said the name of the charity that was donated to on them, along with a card saying something like "This bracelet represents a donation to X Charity." It was a charity for children with cancer. If someone there had a problem with that, they're probably going to burn in hell.

    Obviously you shouldn't have something like, "This condom represents a donation in your name to Planned Parenthood" or "This plastic water gun represents a donation to the NRA." That's common sense. But if it's a charity for children, an illness, or something equally universal, I don't see why someone would get offended if they had a donation in their name rather than a stupid trinket or bag of Hershey kisses.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic Follow Me on Pinterest
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_charity-rather-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:7def1da2-10fa-4033-98a7-45daa74dcf61Post:09e3da84-beca-41a1-83f6-6585d0ce76ab">Re: Charity rather than registry</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Charity rather than registry : If the charity is potentially controversial, I would agree with this. But I went to a wedding where the favors were those Livestrong-type bracelets, but they said the name of the charity that was donated to on them, along with a card saying something like "This bracelet represents a donation to X Charity." It was a charity for children with cancer. If someone there had a problem with that, they're probably going to burn in hell. Obviously you shouldn't have something like, "This condom represents a donation in your name to Planned Parenthood" or "This plastic water gun represents a donation to the NRA." That's common sense. But if it's a charity for children, an illness, or something equally universal, I don't see why someone would get offended if they had a donation in their name rather than a stupid trinket or bag of Hershey kisses.
    Posted by Ali092011[/QUOTE]
    It's not just about the cause, it's about the organization itself. I can't imagine anyone here not wanting to donate to breast cancer, but the Susan G Koman foundation is actually super controversial around here.

    If you want to donate to a charity, go right ahead with what ever money you have. But please don't put your guests name on it, assuming it's a charity they support.
    image
  • Ali092011Ali092011 member
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    I guess I didn't realize that people actually literally donate in other people's names. I thought it was a kinda "this bracelet represents a donation to ____" sort of thing. I would never make 100 individual donations in each of my guests' actual names. And since favors are optional anyway, I didn't see the problem with it. I get that favors should be "for the guest," but from what I understand, most people don't even notice whether or not they get favors.

    I'm exaggerating about the burn in hell thing. :) But I do think it would be a little ridiculous if anyone got really huffy about money that wasn't even theirs in the first place being donated to a charity that they think is questionable. (Unless the donation was actually IN that person's name, in which case I 100% agree with you and it would bother me.)

    I agree that charities are a really personal thing and not everyone supports the same cause. I just don't see the difference between putting a note on the program saying "We donated to ____ in gratitude for the support of family and friends" and putting little bracelets on each table with a note saying "This bracelet represents a donation to ____."

    ETA: Edited for clarity.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic Follow Me on Pinterest
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_charity-rather-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:7def1da2-10fa-4033-98a7-45daa74dcf61Post:905a6ac1-198a-4190-a4b9-4485f3eb89d8">Re: Charity rather than registry</a>:
    [QUOTE]I guess I didn't realize that people actually literally donate in other people's names. I thought it was a kinda "this bracelet represents a donation to ____" sort of thing. I would never make 100 individual donations in each of my guests' actual names. And since favors are optional anyway, I didn't see the problem with it. I get that favors should be "for the guest," but from what I understand, most people don't even notice whether or not they get favors. I'm exaggerating about the burn in hell thing. :) But I do think it would be a little ridiculous if anyone got really huffy about money that wasn't even theirs in the first place being donated to a charity that they think is questionable. (Unless the donation was actually IN that person's name, in which case I 100% agree with you and it would bother me.) I agree that charities are a really personal thing and not everyone supports the same cause. I just don't see the difference between putting a note on the program saying "We donated to ____ in gratitude for the support of family and friends" and putting little bracelets on each table with a note saying "This bracelet represents a donation to ____." ETA: Edited for clarity.
    Posted by Ali092011[/QUOTE]

    Usually it's a lump sum... like, the bride and groom donates a bunch of money and then tells the guests it was in their name.

    Here's the thing... you said that you would do donations as favors. Now you're saying you wouldn't do it as favors. So I'm confused. Are you saying you would just randomly donate money to a charity... then just randomly tell all your friends, family, and co-workers about it? Why are you telling them this?
    image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_charity-rather-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:7def1da2-10fa-4033-98a7-45daa74dcf61Post:88217e9b-4368-4565-8b1a-232afbf53d92">Re: Charity rather than registry</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Charity rather than registry : Usually it's a lump sum... like, the bride and groom donates a bunch of money and then tells the guests it was in their name. Here's the thing... you said that you would do donations as favors. Now you're saying you wouldn't do it as favors. So I'm confused. Are you saying you would just randomly donate money to a charity... then just randomly tell all your friends, family, and co-workers about it? Why are you telling them this?
    Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

    I guess it depends on the definition of "favor"? I'm not saying anyone should randomly announce that they donated. Someone else mentioned putting an announcement in the program. I was thinking more along the lines of the example I posted above, where each person gets an item that represents the donation, like a small edible treat or something, with a note saying that a donation was made.

    I personally am not doing favors at all. I was asking theoretical questions out of curiousity.

    However you feel about "donation favors" or whatever you want to call them, I think we can all agree that they're at least slightly more acceptable than "registering" for donations?
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic Follow Me on Pinterest
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_charity-rather-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:7def1da2-10fa-4033-98a7-45daa74dcf61Post:35f5c7f3-7420-4442-a7a2-d62cb6d93481">Re: Charity rather than registry</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Charity rather than registry : I guess it depends on the definition of "favor"? I'm not saying anyone should randomly announce that they donated. Someone else mentioned putting an announcement in the program. I was thinking more along the lines of the example I posted above, where each person gets an item that represents the donation, like a small edible treat or something, with a note saying that a donation was made. I personally am not doing favors at all. I was asking theoretical questions out of curiousity. However you feel about "donation favors" or whatever you want to call them, I think we can all agree that they're at least slightly more acceptable than "registering" for donations?
    Posted by Ali092011[/QUOTE]
    It just sounds very AWish.

    "Hey guests, I donated to my charity! Enjoy the stuff they sent me for donating!"

    I really think they're both just as bad.

    The only thing worse (donation-wise) is someone on here who had the idea of setting up a donation box at her wedding for guests to donate cash to her charity. Yeah, AT her wedding.
    image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_charity-rather-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:7def1da2-10fa-4033-98a7-45daa74dcf61Post:b6f0f12a-1007-4bf1-9f46-f9a3feab4ac3">Re: Charity rather than registry</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Charity rather than registry : It just sounds very AWish. "Hey guests, I donated to my charity! Enjoy the stuff they sent me for donating!" I really think they're both just as bad. The only thing worse (donation-wise) is someone on here who had the idea of setting up a donation box at her wedding for guests to donate cash to her charity. Yeah, AT her wedding.
    Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

    Okay, THAT is rude. It's a wedding, not a fund raiser!
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic Follow Me on Pinterest
  • Wow! This is not the first time ive seen this topic discussed here on the knot, But it is the first time I've seem people on this side of the debate!! Props ladies, I completely agree fundraising / charity has no place in a wedding. If you want to donate great! But you don't need to do it for someone else (we are big kids and have our on charities or lack there of because we don't want to) and you don't need to flaunt that you donated. It's like announcing your tithe each week in church, just not acceptable!
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards