I love my mom, I really do, but she’s kind of driving me nuts!
She had a bad childhood in which her father was EXTREMELY controlling and manipulative and her parents essentially told her she was a whore for marrying my father and not only did they not pay for the wedding, they refused to go and told other family members not to attend her wedding! So now my mom is the other end the pendulum and wants me to have the PERFECT wedding…only she wants what her idea of perfect is. Everything she’s doing I understand is out of love, but she starts crying if I don’t like her idea’s (she takes it as a personal insult). She is also very old fashioned and was appalled when I suggested we have the ceremony start at 7 so we could only have a cocktails and apps wedding –how dare we not serve dinner?!? Also, she has given me a good budget for the wedding – so any time I want to do or don’t want to do something she disagrees with, she either complains and mopes or tells me “Well don’t you think since we’re giving you this wedding you should want to give your father and I a say?” I’ve already compromised and had a formal sit down dinner, got a ridiculously expensive photographer she liked, invited all her friends I barely know, didn’t say anything when she told me that since she was the mother, SHE got to keep my bridal portrait (didn’t even ask me if I wanted it…) and invited all my barely related family members she demanded to have at the rehearsal dinner – which she’s not even planning, much less paying for!
The latest thing that’s about to make my fiancé and I snap: she’s demanding a seating chart. I know, I know, they’re great to have, but we really don’t want to bother with it. She’s relented with that a little, but she’s demanding reserved seating for the family. Please keep in mind we guaranteed her a table or even two tables for close family like grandparents and such, but she wants every single member of my family to have a reserved seat!! They make up a solid third of the guest list! It would look ridiculous to have a third of the tables reserved for my side, and not for everyone else! So essentially she’s demanding a seating chart again, but in a round about way.
I know since she’s paying for it she gets a say, but she never asks – it’s always a demand. She fights everything tooth and nail and never seems to be willing to compromise. I’m trying to keep in mind that since she’s paying for most of it, she gets a lot of say, but how much say before it becomes her dream wedding and not ours? It’s already a lot more of what she wants than what we originally wanted.
Help!