Who traditionally picks the ceremony site?

JeanaRenee · October 2010

I recently got married and I was having a conversation with a friend of mine, who is in the process of planning her wedding. She has been having a difficult time convincing her fiance to marry in her church. I had always thought it was traditionally the brides choice, however, her fiance does not agree and even thinks we're making it up. So I just wanted to know, who traditionally picks the ceremony site?

aerinpegadrak · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_traditionally-picks-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:8c8a3882-b289-42c3-b1dc-ebc2d47c0cd7Post:d88ae19a-906e-4e12-afd9-8110ae8e929a">Re: Who traditionally picks the ceremony site?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Who traditionally picks the ceremony site? : The couple picks the ceremony site, not just 1/2 of it, as it's both of their wedding.
Posted by megk8oz[/QUOTE]
Ditto to this. You can't get married without a groom, all decisions should be made jointly unless he specifically says, "I don't care about X, do whatever you like for that."

ETA: And trying to bully him to get married in a church if he's not comfortable with that is a really, really bad way to start off a marriage. They need to figure out what role religion is going to play in their lives first, and then figure out what role it's going to play in the wedding.

Belle2Be · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_traditionally-picks-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:8c8a3882-b289-42c3-b1dc-ebc2d47c0cd7Post:d88ae19a-906e-4e12-afd9-8110ae8e929a">Re: Who traditionally picks the ceremony site?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Who traditionally picks the ceremony site? : The couple picks the ceremony site, not just 1/2 of it, as it's both of their wedding.
Posted by megk8oz[/QUOTE]
This.

KaylaSue19 · October 2010

Ditto both meg and aerin. No offense, but that's just silly to assume that the bride has the only say in the ceremony. Its not *her* day, it's their day.

lalap69 · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_traditionally-picks-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:8c8a3882-b289-42c3-b1dc-ebc2d47c0cd7Post:d88ae19a-906e-4e12-afd9-8110ae8e929a">Re: Who traditionally picks the ceremony site?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Who traditionally picks the ceremony site? : The couple picks the ceremony site, not just 1/2 of it, as it's both of their wedding.
Posted by megk8oz[/QUOTE]
This exactly.

katiedidthat · October 2010

Maybe the "tradition" you're thinking of is that in the past it was customary for the ceremony to happen at the bride's church if the families were from two different cities, but I haven't heard of that being the norm for a really long time.

aerinpegadrak · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_traditionally-picks-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:8c8a3882-b289-42c3-b1dc-ebc2d47c0cd7Post:c39adfdd-43b3-44ce-aebd-c7118f188c85">Re: Who traditionally picks the ceremony site?</a>:
[QUOTE]Maybe the "tradition" you're thinking of is that in the past it was customary for the ceremony to happen at the bride's church if the families were from two different cities, but I haven't heard of that being the norm for a really long time.
Posted by katiedidthat[/QUOTE]
Yup, and interfaith marriages were a lot less common, so it was just a matter of the logistics of the location rather than trying to find middle ground on the topic of religion.

trix1223 · October 2010

The couple has to come to a point of agreement about many parts of a wedding. The ceremony site is one of those parts. I don't see why it's a "bride OR groom" decision instead of a "bride AND groom" decision.

LuluP82 · October 2010

Agreed with everyone else. A long time ago, when everyone married ppl of the same faith and the weddings were always held in the bride's hometown and hosted by the bride's parents, then yeah, usually it was at the bride's home church. But now, it's a compromise.

dizzinea · October 2010

i think it's the couples choice , they need to agree

sister2groom · October 2010

Yeah the couple should definitely agree particularly when it's about something as serious as whether or not to get married in a house of worship. This issue also prompts questions about the importance of God in the bride and groom's lives and whether church/not is going to be an issue every Sunday or when kids come around.

Oh, and obviously financial contributors have input.

tldh · October 2010

Ditto Meg and Aerin. If FI is balking at getting married in a church and she is insisting on it, they are probably going to have bigger problems than this, especially if they have kids. The religion question is one that should be settled before there is even a proposal.

Catwoman708 · October 2010

The ones paying are the ones who pick the venue. In the past, it was generally the bride's family paying for, planning, and hosting the wedding and reception, so naturally the venue was up to them.

In the past few decades, it's become more common for couples to pay for their own weddings, so the choice should be mutually agreed upon between bride and groom.

If they disagree, then I think more deference should be given to the one who will be doing the majority of the actual planning/work. When it comes to churches, I think more deference should be given to the one who is the most religious, or whom it's most important to. After all, marriage is not just a legal formality, many also consider it a religious cermony, a holy sacrament.

mysticl · October 2010

Well, my parents were married in the 60's. They are from the same hometown but of different faiths. They got married in my dad's church.

Snufflyfluffy · October 2010

My FI is pretty religious but I am not, well I am not for the same religion as him so it was decided to just have a nondenominational ceremony, that way it wasn't religious at all. If you can't agree then just don't have religion in there at all, the point is that you are getting married, if you want God to be watching he will, whether or not you are in a church or not.

Manwaithiel · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_traditionally-picks-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:8c8a3882-b289-42c3-b1dc-ebc2d47c0cd7Post:236b4a15-8bff-4e4d-93c3-ead47b402ed6">Re: Who traditionally picks the ceremony site?</a>:
[QUOTE]My FI is pretty religious but I am not, well I am not for the same religion as him so it was decided to just have a nondenominational ceremony, that way it wasn't religious at all. If you can't agree then just don't have religion in there at all, the point is that you are getting married, if you want God to be watching he will, whether or not you are in a church or not.
Posted by Snufflyfluffy[/QUOTE]

Non-demoninational means you don't ascribe to any particular Christian denomination (i.e. Catholic, Methodist, Lutheran, etc.) Usually this means you use the Bible solely as your basis for your faith and not the tenets of any denomination. (I happen to be non-denoimnational)

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