i am a bridesmaid...

Re: i am a bridesmaid...

• RaptorSLH member

  

  January 2012

  It would be very rude of her to "demote" you, but things like that have happened.  If the references have been clear, specific, and frequent, I would just let it go.  If on the other hand you're gleaning information from a few implied references, there's room for doubt, and I would as her.

  

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• MissOwl

  

  January 2012

  you can also have both a maid of honor and a matron of honor. i do! i would ask her though.

  Linky link to MissOwl's Pinterest

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• Maggie0829 member

  

  January 2012

  Honestly, does it really even matter.  To me titles are dumb and insignificant.  You are still in her wedding and will still be standing up with her on a very important day.  Don't worry about your title because as long as you are there for her and are a good friend that is all that matters.

  
  

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• NowABridesmaid47

  

  January 2012

  No, I agree. Titles do not matter. She is my best friend and I am honored to stand with her on her wedding day. I am wondering, though, because I am not sure what my duties are. I have offered my help with planning and ideas, but I'm not sure if there is anything else I should be doing. I never delegated duties to my bridal party because 6 of the 8 were out of town. The girl she now refers to as her moh has contacted the party about her shower and bachelorette party. So I just don't know how I can be helping with anything now.

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• RaptorSLH member

  

  January 2012

  The only things you have to do are to buy the dress she chooses within the budget she has given you, and show up clean, smiling, and sober wearing it for her wedding day.  The wedding industry will often try to convince you that you must do more, but they are concerned more with money than with friendships.  If your bride forgets that, sometimes the mark of a true friend is willingness to give a reality check.

  
  

  If you wish to do more, you can contact the new MOH about helping to plan the parties she has mentioned.  You can offer to assist the bride with any projects she may be working on, or decisions she is making.  But mostly, remember that she is family and a friend, and continue to be there for her during this exciting but often stressful time.

  
  

  Since you are inclined to take this with good grace, don't think of it as "she thinks I don't deserve the moh title."  Assume the other person is just that close of a friend.  It's not a slight to you, it's a complement to her.

  

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• graysquirrel member

  

  January 2012

  I think that you have a right to get that clarified. If she asked you to be her MOH and then rescinded, that is a zilla move on her part. If she has another MOH, you could always inquire as to how she might be splitting day-of duties like holding the ring and bouquet, then you will know what she has decided.

  

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• balasj

  

  January 2012 edited January 2012

  I wouldn't press the issue with her.  It sounds like your friendship hasn't suffered at all which is most important.  I think you're doing all the right things as MOH or BM by offering to asssit (which is more than many feel they need to or should do) and perhaps a best next step is to reach out to the "other MOH" and see what you can assist with from our of town and let her know you appreciate all that she and the other local girls are able to do.  I would leave the "title" out of it though I know you're curious.  (I suppose you'll see in the program on wedding day!)  And don't feel bad about offering to help!  As long as you leave it at that there's no way that should annoy a busy bride-to-be!

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• lenergyrlah member

  

  January 2012

  If I were a MOH I would be upset if another BM planned a shower behind my back.  If I were a BM, I would be upset if the MOH planned a shower behind my back.  So why don't you send all the BM's an email and ask if any of them are interested in throwing the bride a shower?  That way the other MOH has a chance to say "I'm throwing one" but you're still definitely offering to help.

  

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• Mo2T&O member

  

  January 2012

  You certainly have the right to know if you were demoted or not. Ask her outright why she is suddenly referring to you as bridesmaid. No one would forget that they asked someone to be their matron of honor. It's ridiculous that anyone would think you should ignore it so you don't upset a busy bride. It's rude to demote someone in your bridal party and even more so not to tell them.

  

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