Adults only on invitations-(Advice please)

kmgulley · May 2011

I'm getting married in July in the evening. We decided early on we did not want chldren there. A cousin started telling me a few months ago she was bringing her daughter, which I kindly told her there would only be adults there. But since she's traveling in for a few days, we could arrange for a sitter at the hotel, if she'd like. She agreed to that. A couple other family members on my FI's side asked if there would be kids and were understanding when I told them no. Our invitations went out Monday and I just received a message from my uncle that his son and wife were bringing their kids and he was concerned about what the invitation stated. He went on about the memories they will have being part of the wedding. Keep in mind I don't know the children. I also feel like my memories of my wedding should be considered. Don't mean to sound like a bridezilla, but no one should assume it's okay. Our save-the-dates never included the names of chlldren I probably should also mention, this uncle is our officiant.

Does anyone have suggestions on how to handle this? I'm stressing!

MrsPaps · May 2011

We are also not having children (minus the 2 in the WP). Stay firm and just say "I'm sorry but due to space constraints, we are choosing to not have kids. Hope to see you then!"
You can do what you did with your cousin where you are hiring a sitter for the night for her child, offer that to your uncle.

We have one couple who may not come because we are not inviting kids.

hz80408 · May 2011

Agreed with Paps. You need to stand your ground and don't make exceptions.

Do realize that some guests may not come because of this, but it's their loss.

kmgulley · May 2011

I guess it just makes it a tough situation, since he's our officiant and doesn't get to see his grandchildren a lot. Ugh!

amyb140 · May 2011

Ugh. I had the same thing - invites went out a couple weeks ago, and we also had decided no kids, except for my nieces who are in the wedding party. My four best friends from college have 18 kids between them, and we only invited about 100 people total!!!

I was so surprised when one of those friends wrote and asked if kids were invited - the invitation clearly said "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith." I know as brides we're all up on the etiquette, but that seems pretty clear to me!! I kindly told her no and why, and she was totally fine. I think they're actually looking forward to a weekend away!

kmgulley · May 2011

Agree! I just figured it was common sense. It's an evening wedding at a hotel, but I also spelled it out in the invitation to be safe. And I'm still not safe!!!

MobKaz · May 2011

For every single precaution that you take, I would advise you to consider one more situation. You may or may not have a situation where the couple, without any forewarning, simply show up at the reception with small children. This happened to us. The logic, from the couple's point of view, was that neither their one year old or 3 year old would require any meal, and therefore, was a non-issue (from their perspective).

I also received an RSVP from a cousin, who added their child's name on the RSVP card, and added, "Mary won't require any meal".

Seriously!

KellyBrian2013 · May 2011

You keep saying you "made it clear on the invitations"... what exactly did you say?

As for what you should do, call the uncle back (or the son... which would be your cousin) and say "I'm sorry that there was a misunderstanding, but the invitation was only for Cousin X and Wife X. We just did not have the budget or space to include everyone we'd like to have there with us, so unfortunately there will be no room for the kids. We hope ou can still make it!"

u_rica77 · May 2011

One thing I learned during my wedding planning is that what you may consider common sense is not what other people consider common sense. We had our wedding downtown on a Saturday night and I thought that it was assumed that it was not an event for children, but after the STDs went out, I heard a few comments about bringing the kids to Chicago for a vacation so clearly not everyone thought that. I wanted to avoid any awkward phone calls after getting the responses back so put on the details card of the invite:

Our reception will be formal and we have planned what we hope will be a very enjoyable adult-only event. We realize some may need to make special arrangements because of this and we appreciate your understanding.

There were a few people that didn't come because they were pissed we didn't invite children- but they were also the people that I felt cared more about showing off their kid then being there for our wedding. I think more people that had kids appreciated the fact that they were able to have a fun evening alone.

I think you should stand your ground- don't let them bully you into changing your mind. I would just say flat out "I'm sorry- we made the decision for the reception to be adults only" and leave it at that. You don't owe anyone an explaination. Also- let your uncle know that you have told everyone else the same thing so it's not like they are being singled out.

kmgulley · May 2011

"Adults only please" were printed on the invites, which is why it came about. Even with that clearly stated, I have still been asked.

Yes, I have since let him know by responding to his email. Haven't heard back...

madonna1012 · May 2011

I know it may be too late but on my invitations, I specified the "Mr & Mrs." for adults only and if I wanted the children to come, I would include "and family". Also, some people may call it rude but we had to keep out guest list to a minimum so on the reponse card, I wrote the number of attendence on the card myself, i.e 2 for a couple or 1 for a single. It just made it easier for calls down the road. Hope this helps!

KellyBrian2013 · May 2011

Not that it can be undone now, but it is considered extremely rude to put "adults-only" or anything of that nature on the invitations. Invitations should be addressed to the people you are inviting and to them only, and no other mention of who isn't invited (adults only meaning "no children") should be made.

But as I said earlier, stand your ground and call them: "I'm sorry that there was a misunderstanding, but the invitation was only for Cousin X and Wife X. We just did not have the budget or space to include everyone we'd like to have there with us, so unfortunately there will be no room for the kids. We hope you can still make it!"

And if they say they can't make it without the kids being invited? "I'm sorry to hear that. You'll be missed!"

gottadance64 · June 2011

I don't think it's rude to say adults only - for this very reason. When you address a card, there are always some boneheads who think they can bring their kids - figuring that you wouldn't address a card to all of their kids. Or maybe they've only been to weddings where kids were always included so it might be unclear to them or unthinkable to them that you would invite them and not their kids. I think a discreet message is appropriate.

Adults only on invitations-(Advice please)

Re: Adults only on invitations-(Advice please)

Choose Another Board

Search Boards