Wedding Etiquette Forum

No gifts, just cash?

JoanE2012JoanE2012 Exit 21 (Jersey!) member
5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
Hi everyone.  I am recently engaged and am wondering how I spread the word that we don't want engagement gifts, shower gifts, wedding gifts etc.  That we just want cash.  I also don't want to just not register, because people might not get the hint and then we might get gifts that we really don't like or can't use!  I need to get the word out.  Just not sure how.  I figured there must be a proper way to do this.  I don't want to make a facebook announcement!  Thanks ladies.

Re: No gifts, just cash?

  • The only proper way is to spread the word to your parents and bridal party, so when people ask about your lack of registry, they can say "Oh, I think they're saving up for X."

    It would be really presumptuous of you to "announce" anything relating to gifts.

    And if you're not going to register, you should decline showers.
    image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_no-gifts-just-cash?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:fad88dad-9027-487b-a021-88df3979a87dPost:2961b96d-eabe-4095-a8e9-fda36bdb33c5">No gifts, just cash?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hi everyone.  I am recently engaged and am wondering how I spread the word that we don't want engagement gifts, shower gifts, wedding gifts etc.  That we just want cash.  I also don't want to just not register, because people might not get the hint and then we might get gifts that we really don't like or can't use!  I need to get the word out.  Just not sure how.  I figured there must be a proper way to do this. <strong> I don't want to make a facebook announcement! </strong> Thanks ladies.
    Posted by JoanE2012[/QUOTE]

    Nobody else wants you to do this either.  Follow PP's advice.   You can't just ask for cash.  We had a 'normal' sized registry and didn't spread any word and probably 75% of our presents were cash.      
    image
  • Troll, troll, troll...
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  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 Exit 21 (Jersey!) member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    Thank you for your quick replies!  I will definitely take your advice and let my bridal party/mom pass the word and perhaps have a tiny registry.  If all goes well, we'll be able to pay off my ring within a year!
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    It's rude to mention gifts.  So don't.

    If you don't want shower gifts then I suggest NOT having a shower.   As the whole point of a shower is to shower the couple with gifts.    I would refuse to go to a "shower me with cash" shower.

    As far as the wedding, just do word of mouth IF someone asks. Expect you will still get a gifts.    Some people will never give cash and you just have to except that.

    I see where you are from NY.  I'm not sure what part, but IME if you are around the NYC area most people give gifts at showers and cash at weddings anyway.  No need to embarrass yourself when they are more than likely going to give you cash at the wedding anyway.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 Exit 21 (Jersey!) member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_no-gifts-just-cash?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:fad88dad-9027-487b-a021-88df3979a87dPost:b135e5b5-3b18-43d3-9f96-a4d0e9c86277">Re: No gifts, just cash?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to No gifts, just cash? : Nobody else wants you to do this either.  Follow PP's advice.   You can't just ask for cash.  We had a 'normal' sized registry and didn't spread any word and probably 75% of our presents were cash.      
    Posted by andrea2473[/QUOTE]

    No, I would never announce on facebook!  It was a joke towards everyone announcing everything on that site!  I wouldn't do that, especially since many of my facebook friends wouldn't be invited to the wedding.
  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 Exit 21 (Jersey!) member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_no-gifts-just-cash?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:fad88dad-9027-487b-a021-88df3979a87dPost:e4d2b1f3-a723-41ca-881f-1e1cf3fa8a07">Re: No gifts, just cash?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Troll, troll, troll...
    Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

    Hi, I'm familiar with message boards and am not a troll!  I just had an honest question.  I didn't think I would be thought of like that!  Sorry.
    mfl002
  • Well, we've seen this question before and we really try to help new Knotties understand that so many people think asking for cash is inappropriate (see below) and tacky.

    And then you said that you were going to use the wedding gift money to pay off your ring within a year - which is not right either. If someone gives you money, you are supposed to go buy a specific thing, then write the thank-you note to the giver naming exactly what you've bought and how everytime you use that thing, you will be reminded of that specific giver (see below):

    Wedding gifts are supposed to be wonderful and heartfelt and long-lasting, mirroring the giver's fervent hope that the couple's marriage be wonderful and heartfelt and long-lasting. By inviting these people to your wedding, you've asked your friends and family to be witnesses to your wedding ceremony, and as witnesses, those people are mentors for your marriage. Their gifts represent their acceptance of your request for their mentorship, and their gifts represent their presence in your lives and hearts forever. When you see/use these gifts, you are reminded that you have a circle of people around you as a couple, people who you can call on, people who have pledged their support of you two as a couple.

    The following ideas do not match with what a wedding gift is supposed to represent, and in fact, just demand that people give you money instead of a wedding gift: a downpayment registry, a honeymoon registry, a donation to your fav charity, a money dance, a money tree, a greenback wedding or shower (where the guests bring cash), a plastic wedding or shower (where the guests bring gift cards), or an outright request for cash.
    Torie8907
  • You can not have a shower if you don't want any gifts.  It is to "shower you with gifts"
    We also are hoping for cash so we registered because I am having a shower, however we will not be sending any registration information with our invites and it is not listed on the website.  People will get the idea
    Anniversary
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_no-gifts-just-cash?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fad88dad-9027-487b-a021-88df3979a87dPost:023b65ef-b6bb-470a-861c-326235fbe267">Re: No gifts, just cash?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thank you for your quick replies!  I will definitely take your advice and let my bridal party/mom pass the word and perhaps have a tiny registry.  If all goes well, <strong>we'll be able to pay off my ring within a year!</strong>
    Posted by JoanE2012[/QUOTE]

    <div>I'm sorry if this bends people the wrong way but I have strong feelings about buying a ring you can't afford.  I understand people buy wedding jewelry on credit but more than a year of payments?! and that's if you get cash as gifts!  I think starting a life together with wedding debt is heart breaking.  I hope you don't expect to always charge things so you can live the "good life"</div>
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Like it was said, you don't even mention gifts unless it is mentioned to you first.  Then it is only polite to say "oh we are saving up to buy a house" or something.  
    You probably shouldn't have bought a ring you couldn't afford in the first place.
  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 Exit 21 (Jersey!) member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    Unfortunately I didn't buy the ring.  My fiance did.  I had no idea he was going to buy me something so grand  Seriously, I only wanted one carat.  We had talked about it and the budget.  But I guess he got caught up in the moment and now what's done is done. We're going to be planning a smaller, budget wedding to help compensate.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_no-gifts-just-cash?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fad88dad-9027-487b-a021-88df3979a87dPost:eeef3e11-4f0e-4f60-b590-4cb997fc1e94">Re: No gifts, just cash?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Well, we've seen this question before and we really try to help new Knotties understand that so many people think asking for cash is inappropriate (see below) and tacky. And then you said that you were going to use the wedding gift money to pay off your ring within a year - which is not right either. <strong>If someone gives you money, you are supposed to go buy a specific thing, then write the thank-you note to the giver naming exactly what you've bought</strong> and how everytime you use that thing, you will be reminded of that specific giver (see below)
    Posted by Kristin789[/QUOTE]

    I disagree with the bolded part. If someone gives you money of their own volition, you can do whatever the heck you want with it. It's a gift, which by definition has no strings attached. It's a nice sentimentality to want to buy a "thing" that can remind you of the giver, but it's certainly not required. Your thank you note could just as easily say "Dear so and so, thank you so much for your generous gift. We are saving towards a house, and we really appreciate it. Love, you".

    Message being, OP, use cash you receive however you choose.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_no-gifts-just-cash?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fad88dad-9027-487b-a021-88df3979a87dPost:60e84589-60a5-4494-8a27-a10af204bb89">Re: No gifts, just cash?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: No gifts, just cash? : You shouldn't do that anyway as doing so is a huge etiquette no-no.
    Posted by ILoveMilkDuds[/QUOTE]
    obviously I disagree that people should always send out registry information with a wedding invitation since that is pretty much telling your guests to buy you something from that list for your wedding.  I think a registry for a shower is completly different than giving one out for the ceremony/reception
    Anniversary
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