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May 2013 Weddings

Is this ok?

Hey all!

My FMIL and FFIL graciously offered to host our rehearsal dinner. The small town we are getting married in is notorious for weddings and venues have to be booked far in advance.

Since FMIL is far away from the wedding location, I found a few places that might work and sent her the info. She really appreciated that and booked/paid the deposit for the one I thought would work best.

FI, my mom and I had a few vendor meetings and took the 6 hour drive to wedding location. While we were there, we ate dinner at the rehearsal dinner place. It wasn't awful, there were some items that were really good, but overall no one would jump online to provide rave reviews. I have a big sweet tooth and there was only one dessert option, bread pudding. I LOVE bread pudding...but this just wasn't fabulous, which was disappointing.

Having said this, I still think this location is just fine and I would never dream of asking her to have it elsewhere, especially since she already paid the deposit. My question is, is it ok to ask FMIL if she can order a few pies from a local bakery for dessert? FI and I both love pie and this bakery has our favorite flavors, rhubarb and peanut butter. Two separate flavors...not rhubarb peanut butter. Lol. This way more people would be happy with dessert and may overlook the meal as a whole?

I just hate thinking of asking her to pay more money than necessary. There will be about 40 there. How many pies would we need? 6? 8? Would it be ok of me to bring the pies if it is inappropriate for me to ask this of FMIL? She really is wonderful and I feel like I hit the FMIL jackpot. I know she would do this for me, I just think it might be inappropriate?
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Re: Is this ok?

  • I think I would just let it go.  I would feel uncomfortable asking for specific food, particularly when they already chose the restaurant that you wanted.  If she asks what you want for dessert (maybe she would ask for food preferences?), then you tell her about the pie.

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  • I don't think you should ask her to do that. But if you really want the extra pies I don't see anything wrong with you and your FI paying for it yourselves.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_is-this-ok?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:5edbb441-529c-47d1-95f2-dabf58c04d37Post:12d434d9-7c2f-469e-9ddb-4eb35b8342b0">Re: Is this ok?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't think you should ask her to do that. But if you really want the extra pies I don't see anything wrong with you and your FI paying for it yourselves.
    Posted by SRRL18[/QUOTE]

    <div>Ditto, unless she asks about it. If you decide to get them, I'd first check and see if the place you're having your RD allows in outside food, as often time places won't (or can't because of health department regulations).</div>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_is-this-ok?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:5edbb441-529c-47d1-95f2-dabf58c04d37Post:12d434d9-7c2f-469e-9ddb-4eb35b8342b0">Re: Is this ok?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't think you should ask her to do that. But if you really want the extra pies I don't see anything wrong with you and your FI paying for it yourselves.
    Posted by SRRL18[/QUOTE]

    <div>This!</div>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_is-this-ok?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:5edbb441-529c-47d1-95f2-dabf58c04d37Post:cf9ac0e7-f08c-4d76-91ec-344c143c0064">Re: Is this ok?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is this ok? : Ditto, unless she asks about it. If you decide to get them, I'd first check and see if the place you're having your RD allows in outside food, as often time places won't (or can't because of health department regulations).
    Posted by rswans[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>I agree with this one.  Some restaurants won't let you.  But then again if you want them and she doesn't ask about dessert, you and your FI could always get them yourselves.</div>
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  • Definitely think you should just bye the pies yourself; I wouldn't ask them to bye anything extra unless it was offered.
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  • Thanks for confirming my thoughts, ladies!

    The problem is that FMIL is very sensitive and if we brought the pies, she would ask why we didn't ask her to get them. I'm just afraid that she will feel like what she is hosting isn't good enough and I don't want that to happen. FI is a super super picky eater (lucky me!) and will not eat bread pudding. I have a few relatives that also don't like it and I don't want them to not have dessert.

    It's really not that big of a deal. I just want everyone to be happy. Do you think I should ask her if it's ok to bring the pies? Would that be a good compromise in this situation?

    Thanks for your thoughts!
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  • Yeah, I agree that if it's something you guys want then you should pay for it- not your FILs.
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  • If the restaurant allows you to bring outside food, then just explain to your FMIL that both you and your FI want to provide your guests with a few more options besides the bread pudding. And then you two should probably provide them instead of asking FMIL to pay.
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  • I know my FMIL would be upset if we bought something without giving her the option. I would probably mention to her that me and FI were thinking about buying our favorite pies and bringing them to the RD and ask her what she thinks of the idea. I don't think it needs to be you beating around the bush asking her to buy them, but just letting her know that's what you're thinking of doing and you want her opinion. Then, if she offers to buy them, tell her you so appreciate her and everything she has done for you two and she doesn't need to do that. If she insists, I would probably let her. But I would definitely clue her in to you guys buying pies before you just show up with them at the RD.
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