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UGH gotta love BM's

So I know I am not the first nor last bride to have BM problems. Luckily mine haven't out right done anything I just feel like none of them are there. My MOH and I are having problems being 3 hours away from each other. We are both getting married and can't do anything to help the other which stresses me out more sometimes. But I have 4 BM's that I thought would help with the extra.

I know it is not their job nor a duty to help me with every little thing. But I would think if a bride specifically asked you to help with something you would. I have asked over and over again but it's not like they are saying no I just get no response. So slowly they have all started to make more of an effort so I thought. Until last night I text all the girls except my MOH and said: "I got my invitations in today and would love if all or some of you could help me put them together here in the next few weeks, Sundays and weekdays work best for me but I can work with everyone's schedule. Just let me know so we can plan something I'd love to get everyone together."

I don't feel like anything I said was harsh or rude. I didn't have anyone text me back yesterday or today. I have even text them again to make sure they got the message and still no reply. This is not the first time this happened I also tried to get a heads up on hair and makeup from the girls so I could let the stylist know so she could plan accordingly and no one text me back except my MOH.

This annoys me because it's not like I am asking for them to go spend tons of money or drop everything to help me I am trying to work with their schedules. I love these girls but I'm starting to lose patience with not getting answers.

Thanks for letting me vent ladies!

Re: UGH gotta love BM's

  • How far away is your wedding? have any of them said anything about other obligations? i guess i would say just give it time. as i have been told, i know that this wedding is the most important thing in the world to you but everyone eles life dosent revolve around it. and i dont mean to sound b*tchy in any way by saying that. but you just need to remember that they may feel like you are asking them to do things that arent their duity. i completely understand where you are coming from but in all likely hood the only time you are going to have everyone together is the rehersal dinner and the wedding day, i know it sucks but its true. i havent been able to get all my girls together, and the only time i will get to see my MOH before my wedding is this weekend when i move her to ohio. good luck maybe just tell them how you feel and ask them if they feel too pushed by you. 
  • bruna29bruna29 member
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited February 2012
    I'm sorry you're feeling this way. You're correct when you say that your BMs don't really have to do anything but buy a dress and show up at your wedding. They are probably just busy, and honestly, I don't mean for this to sound mean or anything, but I wouldn't want to spend my free time making up invitations for someone else's wedding (or putting together favors, etc.). 

    If they are the type of ladies who would understand if you talked to them about this, then have a conversation. Or hey, get together with them for non-wedding related things. They're still your friends; they just might not be into the whole wedding thing.

    ETA: You could also use this time (putting together your invitations) as a time to bond with your FI. Do these activities with him.
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  • I can understand the frustration.  Maybe just leave them alone for a bit so everyone can regroup.  Then plan to get together and make it a no wedding talk get together.  Even I get burned out on wedding sometimes, and that's in regards to my own wedding!

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_ugh-gotta-love-bms?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:751e5c9d-4097-443f-9f28-4f5c90e29be8Post:4daee1fe-f83b-45d4-b4dd-c43679bd5a96">Re: UGH gotta love BM's</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm sorry you're feeling this way. You're correct when you say that your BMs don't really have to do anything but buy a dress and show up at your wedding. They are probably just busy, and honestly, I don't mean for this to sound mean or anything, but I wouldn't want to spend my free time making up invitations for someone else's wedding (or putting together favors, etc.).  If they are the type of ladies who would understand if you talked to them about this, then have a conversation. Or hey, get together with them for non-wedding related things. They're still your friends; they just might not be into the whole wedding thing. ETA: You could also use this time (putting together your invitations) as a time to bond with your FI. Do these activities with him.
    Posted by justdance93[/QUOTE]

    This
  • I'm sure you didn't mean to, but your text message sounds a little demanding. It's a passive aggressive kind of demanding.

    What I did was I picked a date I was going to work on stuff and then i sent out an email to my BMs saying "I'm putting together centerpieces this Saturday starting at 1pm at my place... anyone who comes and helps will be rewarded with pizza and love!"

    A couple BMs came. A couple didn't. Those who did got pizza and hugs. I didn't think any less of those who didn't or feel like they loved me any less. If you want help ASK for it, don't demand or expect it. Or, do as PPs suggested, and get your FI in on this wedding planning action.
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  • Totally unrelated, but LoveMuffins your upcoming vacation describes practically my dream vacation. I just thought you should know.

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  • Instead of trying to arrange a designated time where each and every bridesmaid gets the "honor" of helping you do the tedious work, maybe plan something like "girls craft night" and plan to buy pizza or have a snack and watch a movie while you work on some of your wedding stuff. Try making it fun and enticing for them instead of more like an obligation.
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  • edited February 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_ugh-gotta-love-bms?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:751e5c9d-4097-443f-9f28-4f5c90e29be8Post:dbc79fec-df72-4dc7-930f-711f964be423">Re: UGH gotta love BM's</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm sure you didn't mean to, but your text message sounds a little demanding. It's a passive aggressive kind of demanding.<strong> What I did was I picked a date I was going to work on stuff and then i sent out an email to my BMs saying "I'm putting together centerpieces this Saturday starting at 1pm at my place... anyone who comes and helps will be rewarded with pizza and love!"</strong> A couple BMs came. A couple didn't. Those who did got pizza and hugs. I didn't think any less of those who didn't or feel like they loved me any less. If you want help ASK for it, don't demand or expect it. Or, do as PPs suggested, and get your FI in on this wedding planning action.
    Posted by LoveMuffins[/QUOTE]


    Love this idea!!
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  • You need to lower you expectations for you BMs. I have 3 and only one has offered to help with anything. I haven't asked anyone to help with anything. They have other things going on other than being in my wedding. And trust me, no one will be as excited for you wedding as you are. Your FI is the one that should be helping you with all the tedious work that goes into putting your wedding together.
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