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Bridesmaid Selection Dilemma

MamaBoomerMamaBoomer member
First Comment
in Wedding Woes
Okay, so I made the mistake of asking my girlfriends to be my bridesmaids when I called them excitedly with news of my engagement.  Now I have a little bit of a problem....I left out my oldest friend, and I think I would regret not having her in the party.  She has been my friend since middle school, but in the last year, we have not talked much.  I am thinking about un-asking my former housemate so that I can ask my old friend.  My former housemate is a new friend-2 years ago.  She doesn't really keep up with me much either, but she has known me since my fiance and I started dating.  Neither one of them have done anything awful to me.  Will I really lose a friend in un-asking my former housemate?  I don't think I'd be in her wedding.  Help!  Thanks!
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Re: Bridesmaid Selection Dilemma

  • KellyBrian2013KellyBrian2013
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_bridesmaid-selection-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:6ceb92b5-9937-4031-aab8-f0a284962bfdPost:43c4c87c-0c94-4206-b0f1-0792ee247e2d">Bridesmaid Selection Dilemma</a>:
    [QUOTE]Okay, so I made the mistake of asking my girlfriends to be my bridesmaids when I called them excitedly with news of my engagement.  Now I have a little bit of a problem....I left out my oldest friend, and I think I would regret not having her in the party.  She has been my friend since middle school, but in the last year, we have not talked much.  I am thinking about un-asking my former housemate so that I can ask my old friend.  My former housemate is a new friend-2 years ago.  She doesn't really keep up with me much either, but she has known me since my fiance and I started dating.  Neither one of them have done anything awful to me.  Will I really lose a friend in un-asking my former housemate?  I don't think I'd be in her wedding.  Help!  Thanks!
    Posted by MamaBoomer[/QUOTE]

    I didn't vote because neither option is correct.

    You cannot kick someone out of the bridal party unless you intend to permanently end that friendship. Call it what you will (un-asking), but the reality is you are kickign her out.

    Weddings are not tit-for-tat: do not ask someone just because you think they'd include you in their wedding. Ask someone based upon how close they are to you. But again, you've already asked, so you're stuck.

    There is no reason not to ask your other friend - why wouldn't you ask her to be in your bridal party in addition to the other girls?
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  • arbolitaarbolita
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Yes, you will hurt your friendship with the one girl if you un-ask her to be a bridesmaid.  I don't really understand why if you want to ask your oldest friend it means you have to un-ask someone else.  You and your FI's sides don't have to be even.
    image
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  • seansamm62511seansamm62511
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011

    Ask them both! We have 10 girls and 10 guys in our bridal party (20 total!)... some are old friends some are new friends and we couldn't choose between them so we just asked everyone. If you're trying to keep your wedding party small for budget reasons then stick with the group you've already asked. You could always take your oldest friend out for lunch/dinner some where nice and tell her how important she's been in your life and ask her to be involved in your wedding in another way.

    image
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  • kschwarz09kschwarz09 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I had to unask a couple of girls that where going to be in my wedding. they where both fine and still love me just the same.
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  • arbolitaarbolita
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_bridesmaid-selection-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:6ceb92b5-9937-4031-aab8-f0a284962bfdPost:c5421cc8-eb22-422c-9482-0e7722e590b2">Re: Bridesmaid Selection Dilemma</a>:
    [QUOTE]I had to unask a couple of girls that where going to be in my wedding. they where both fine and still love me just the same.
    Posted by kschwarz09[/QUOTE]


    Why did you have to unask them?
    image
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  • baconsmombaconsmom member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_bridesmaid-selection-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:6ceb92b5-9937-4031-aab8-f0a284962bfdPost:c5421cc8-eb22-422c-9482-0e7722e590b2">Re: Bridesmaid Selection Dilemma</a>:
    [QUOTE]I had to unask a couple of girls that where going to be in my wedding. they where both fine and still love me just the same.
    Posted by kschwarz09[/QUOTE]
    Really? Do tell. 
    image
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  • MamaBoomerMamaBoomer member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks for the feedback everyone.  I originally was one that felt you couldn't un-ask a bridesmaid.  The reasoning is probably not momentous enough to unask-but I did not want an odd number.  I wanted to keep the wedding party even, which would make pictures easy.  I'm still mulling over it, so keep the feedback coming!  Thanks!
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  • GBCKGBCK member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_bridesmaid-selection-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:6ceb92b5-9937-4031-aab8-f0a284962bfdPost:a7af4c46-1737-44b1-ac38-9251943f8624">Re: Bridesmaid Selection Dilemma</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thanks for the feedback everyone.  I originally was one that felt you couldn't un-ask a bridesmaid.  The reasoning is probably not momentous enough to unask-but I did not want an odd number.  I wanted to keep the wedding party even, which would make pictures easy.  I'm still mulling over it, so keep the feedback coming!  Thanks!
    Posted by MamaBoomer[/QUOTE]

    You realise that sends a VERY clear message...right?
    "my pictures are more important than you"
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  • MamaBoomerMamaBoomer member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I know, l already admitted it was petty.  I just wanted it to be perfect.  I still have a lot of time to think about it, so I'm not going to be rash (again). 
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  • kac12170kac12170
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    If your fiance un-asked you to marry him, you'd break up. If my friend un-asked me to be in her wedding, we'd probably break up lol.. I would be pretty insulted. How often will you REALLY look at your wedding pictures? I highly doubt, that if you add the old friend, you will look back on your pictures and think "oh, I should have never had an odd number! What a horrible wedding!"
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  • crys-cryscrys-crys member
    Sixth Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_bridesmaid-selection-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:6ceb92b5-9937-4031-aab8-f0a284962bfdPost:68c80555-d26f-4f1b-be0a-88a61ef95993">Re: Bridesmaid Selection Dilemma</a>:
    [QUOTE]I know, l already admitted it was petty.  I just wanted it to be perfect.  I still have a lot of time to think about it, so I'm not going to be rash (again). 
    Posted by MamaBoomer[/QUOTE]

    Nothing ever goes perfectly and expecting your day and wedding to be perfect will just cause unnecessary stress. There is nothing wrong with uneven numbers in the bridal party. If it's that big deal perhaps your FI can add another person to his party.
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  • seansamm62511seansamm62511
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    If you want to keep the number even you could always ask your old friend to be a part of it and then also add another girl
    image
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  • MamaBoomerMamaBoomer member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks for all your input.  I decided to go with my original four-the ones I was excited to share the news with.  I actually called my old friend and felt out the situation, and I felt disappointed (as I always do when I call her) because so much has happened that she didn't bother to tell me about.  We used to talk more often because I called her, but since I don't anymore, I don't hear from her.  So I think my original choice was the one to go with.  She'll still be a friend and will help in other areas, which she offered to do.
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