Invitation question

sweetcanadian1979 · January 2012

I have a question. I know how it SUPPOSED to be for married couples but..........

My future SIL (his brother's wife) i feel has purposely snubbed me on all occasions lately & i want to snub her back but in a low key way.

My name was NO WHERE on their wedding invitation last year, we had been living together for 4 years, technically i was not invited, but i know they did not expect him to come without me, she just purposefully left my name off.

Our christmas card last year only had his name on the envelope & left my son off the card, as i said living together for 4 years, his parents call my son their grandson & he had always been included before. We were engaged by then.

This year the envelope said Uncle "_____" on it & all 3 of our names on the inside. So i decided to snoop at other envelopes & see if it was a purposeful snub, his other brothers gf's name was on the envelope for their card.

I know this probably seems petty but i have never done anything wrong, we are just not friends, where she is friends with the other gfs, i just can't be bothered but we are civil & i help out if we happen to go there for a meal (twice in 5 years, they have NEVER come to our place for any occasion in the whole 5 years).

Can i put Mr _______ _______ & family to subtly snub her back & maybe make the point that i have caught on to it? I mean at least i am inviting her unlike her not inviting me right? If they weren't married i would just address the invite the way ours was addressed but i know rules change when people are married.

Ps i do not need to know this is petty, i get that, but i am seriously offended here & don't care.

Cn: SIL does not include me on any envelopes of cards nor was my name included for their wedding invitation (not on either envelope) so can i just address it to the BIL & family? Seeing as they are married i can't just put his name.

kate2188 · January 2012

I agree that your SIL was wrong not to invite you. But two wrongs do not make a right. You need to put the specific people invited on the envelope. Don't make her feel the way you did. That is rude and unnecessary. Think of it as a chance to be the bigger person.

Usually pettiness =/= the right or etiquette-friendly thing to do.

RaptorSLH · January 2012

You're not going to get the etiquette board regulars to support you in being rude, however low-key it may be.

As for your question, be aware that if you use "& family," there's room for interpretation as to who exactly is included. This could cause unfortunate consequences, if it is taken to include, say, her parents, or a sister, that you didn't intend to invite.

Cortney1982 · January 2012

Even how tempting it is, I would not do the same. Be the better person. In fact, actually putting her name on the envelope might make her feel guilty and childish which is better than playing her game!

sweetcanadian1979 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invitation-question-28?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e24904fa-4f71-4ec4-8b8e-2953cd595584Post:6da674ab-3f36-4987-82d5-a73bef70e27a">Re: Invitation question</a>:
[QUOTE]You're not going to get the etiquette board regulars to support you in being rude, however low-key it may be. As for your question, be aware that if you use <strong>"& family,</strong>" there's room for interpretation as to who exactly is included. This could cause unfortunate consequences, if it is taken to include, say, her parents, or a sister, that you didn't intend to invite.
Posted by RaptorSLH[/QUOTE]

he has a daughter so i do not think they would take it that way.

kate2188 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invitation-question-28?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e24904fa-4f71-4ec4-8b8e-2953cd595584Post:ef27d793-10ed-41b1-a434-4d23cf734981">Re: Invitation question</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Invitation question : he has a daughter so i do not think they would take it that way.
Posted by sweetcanadian1979[/QUOTE]

<div>Why not just include brother, SIL, and daughter by name? That way it's crystal clear exactly who is invited.</div>

RaptorSLH · January 2012

[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Invitation question : he has a daughter so i do not think they would take it that way.
Posted by sweetcanadian1979[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>You hope.

</div>

mkrupar · January 2012

Why do people think righting someone's action means they have to stoop to their level? C'mon, you said in your OP you know this is petty. Be the bigger person. Suck up your feelings and include her freaking name on the envelope like you know you should.

If you're really truly bothered by the Christmas card thing, when next year rolls around, and you're left off again, have your FI (then H I assume) tell her that it hurts you when she does this. Hell it's still close enough to this past Christmas for him to let her know that it's rude for you to be left off.

Don't be like her, be better than her.

crash2729 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invitation-question-28?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e24904fa-4f71-4ec4-8b8e-2953cd595584Post:ef27d793-10ed-41b1-a434-4d23cf734981">Re: Invitation question</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Invitation question : he has a daughter so i do not think they would take it that way.
Posted by sweetcanadian1979[/QUOTE]

<div>are you inviting the daughter? </div><div>
</div><div>If not "& family" means him, his wife and daughter. There's no reason to snub her "in a low key" way. It doesn't matter what you call it. It's still rude no matter what she did to you. </div>

Mrs.B6302007 · January 2012

[QUOTE]Can i put Mr _______ _______ & family to subtly snub her back & maybe make the point that i have caught on to it? I mean at least i am inviting her unlike her not inviting me right?[/QUOTE]

So you want to know if it's okay to play tit for tat with her? And then justify it with an "at least I'm...." statment?

You should really step back and think about how immature that sounds.

number55 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invitation-question-28?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e24904fa-4f71-4ec4-8b8e-2953cd595584Post:264f075e-585e-4edb-875e-ef820e6f3945">Invitation question</a>:
[QUOTE] Ps i do not need to know this is petty, i get that, but i am seriously offended here & don't care.
Posted by sweetcanadian1979[/QUOTE]

<div>Clearly you didn't need to ask an 'etiquette' board for their opinion then. You know why you are doing this (out of pettiness) and you don't really want to hear other people's opinions (you don't care). </div><div>
</div><div>You are looking for affirmation for poor judgement and behaviour. E doesn't do that very well. </div>

MyUserName1 · January 2012

Take the higher road, be the bigger person, etc.

You'll feel better in the end.

I know it's tempting to be a biyotch too, but in the end it will feel better to know that you have done nothing rude to her. She'll probably complain to the ENTIRE family about it, and then you saying "well, she does it to me!" will make you look childish. I'd let it go. There are far worse things a SIL could do. Some people here have some real horror shows for ILs, so maybe find some of those threads, read them, and feel better.

dumdumfroggie · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invitation-question-28?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e24904fa-4f71-4ec4-8b8e-2953cd595584Post:a249f49e-8204-4499-ba73-f781a5eda465">Re: Invitation question</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Invitation question : Clearly you didn't need to ask an 'etiquette' board for their opinion then. You know why you are doing this (out of pettiness) and you don't really want to hear other people's opinions (you don't care). You are looking for affirmation for poor judgement and behaviour. E doesn't do that very well.
Posted by number55[/QUOTE]

Exactly this. You know this is wrong. Be the bigger person and grow up. Don't look for affirmation for something you know is wrong.

pgcp · January 2012

Unless you are 13, this won't turn out well. It probably wouldn't work out well if you were 13 come to think about it!

The best way to "get back at her" is to out class her. At any and every opportunity be classy. The classier you are, the ruder and tackier she looks. You will come out as the good guy in the end.

redheadfsu · January 2012

Take the high road.

But if she is petty and she realizes you are trying to get her back, then the "and family" could & probably will be her parents and 15 other family members. Because that would be a great way to be petty back.