how much is too much ?

leagri2813 · January 2013

I feel like I am kinda over doing it for my WP, I am paying for their dresses, plane tickets for 2 of my bm's, paying $40- each- towards getting their hair done as well as giving them a gift. I did figure this into my budget when we orginally planned everything but after reading everyone's posts I see that I'm probably over doing it. My reason for doing this is I love these girls and they have been there for me through alot. Honestly they are as close as someone can be without being blood. I want them to be there by my side on my special day and not have to worry about a dress or anything. I just want them to show up and have fun.
There is still the shoes, jewelry, and the night out with the girls. Is it ok to tell the girls what color shoes and what type of jewelry I'd like and them pick it out in their own budget or should I just get it?

also 2 of my bm's have said they want to go out to a casino 2 nights before the wedding and just have a girls night out. We'd be getting a hotel and probably going to breakfast the next morning. I think its a great idea and I'm all for it. Should I have my bm's who brought it up do all the details, book the room, contact the rest of the wp and everyone cover themselves or should I go ahead and book the room but everyone cover their own bill?

I HATE asking anyone for anything and I think that's why I offered to pay for so much for them already. I think if they know now that they have to cover shoes, jewelry, and their own way for the night out they'd have more than enough time to save for it. my wedding isn't for awhile I know its not tradition to pick you wp til 6 months out but I have known these girls forever! how do I go about telling them about what they need to pay for without sounding like a b!tch?

beardownbchs · January 2013

The only way that you can ask for them to pay for their own shoes and jewelry is if they can wear whatever they want. Maybe, MAYBE give them a color for the shoes but that's it. If you want specifics, then you have to pay for it. Also, is the hair more than $40 and they have to cover the rest? If so, make the hair an option - don't force them to pay to get their hair done.

The night out was their idea - let them pay for it. If I were in any wedding party and we were going out just for the hell of it, I would expect to pay for myself.

freebread03 · January 2013

If you want your WP to wear a certain shoe and specific jewelry, then you need to pay for it. If you are requiring that they get their hair and makeup done, then you need to pay for that too (you noted that you are paying $40 towards this, but didn't indicate if it was mandatory or not). If your friends want to plan a bachelorette party for a few nights before your wedding, that's perfectly fine, but you really shouldn't be involved in the planning, especially requesting that other people come and cover the bill. You also shouldn't be asking your WP to do any of the planning-again, if they want to, that's great, but you really shouldn't be involved.

Its very generous of you to pay for dresses and help with plane tickets, but please don't use that as an excuse to have your WP pay for things that they shouldn't have to (like specific shoes, jewelry, and a party that you are planning).

libby2483 · January 2013

If you tell them exactly what shoes and jewelry to wear, you need to pay for it. If you just say, "Wear whatever pair of silver shoes you would like" and "Wear whatever type of jewelry you would like", you don't need to pay. I honestly think it looks better when all BMs don't have matching shoes and jewelry, so I wouldn't try to micromanage this. It sounds like you have been very generous to your WP, so being flexible about this and having them pay for their own might be the best option.

In my circle, it is customory for each girl to pay her own way for bachelorette parties. If the same is true in your circle, I would have each girl pay for her own accommodations. If it is just a girls night out, either you or the BMs could handle reserving the room and such. Perhaps ask them what they would prefer. However, if it is more a bachelorette party, you shouldn't be handling it yourself, and hopefully the BMs will offer to handle the arrangements.

leagri2813 · January 2013

I totally worded the cost of hair wrong ... the cost is $67 per BM so I'd cover $40 they pay $27 plus whatever they want for tip - I am not making this mandatory by any means. I just wanted to give them a kinda cheap option to get their hair done. If they want to do it themselves then thats fine I don't even care the hairstyle. Honestly though if someone told me they really couldn't afford it I'd pay for it. Its not me wanting everyone to have a certain hairstyle but to not feel left out cuz they couldn't afford something.
As far as the shoes and jewelry go I agree that it should be their choice. I just didn't know that even if it was their choice if I should pay for it too.
The girls night out is more of girls getting together and not a bach party. I don't want it focused on me but on a group of friends who are spending time together. I can't remember the last time we all got together, I think it was 2 years ago before my best friend moved to florida. Since then one girl has moved to texas and kids, jobs and life has just made it kind of impossible to all get together for a night out like we used to. I guess thats why my bm's are kinda involving me in the planning.

CourtAA · January 2013

I don't think you have to pay for shoes as long as you don't give a specific pair. Like, "any black heels/flats" or whatever. I also feel the same way about jewerly. If you ask them all to wear all silver jewerly (or whatever color) I don't think it's a problem.

Plus, if you are paying for all that, I would assume they would be more than willing to pay for their own shoes & jewerly.

But that's just me!

libby2483 · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_how-much-is-too-much?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:2efd549f-03e0-4b85-9329-b4414ecc2c80Post:ef2aab57-7f6a-45ff-b6dc-7b5413f02854">Re: how much is too much ?</a>:
[QUOTE]I totally worded the cost of hair wrong ... the cost is $67 per BM so I'd cover $40 they pay $27 plus whatever they want for tip - I am not making this mandatory by any means. I just wanted to give them a kinda cheap option to get their hair done. If they want to do it themselves then thats fine I don't even care the hairstyle. Honestly though if someone told me they really couldn't afford it I'd pay for it. Its not me wanting everyone to have a certain hairstyle but to not feel left out cuz they couldn't afford something. As far as the shoes and jewelry go I agree that it should be their choice. I just didn't know that even if it was their choice if I should pay for it too. The girls night out is more of girls getting together and not a bach party. I don't want it focused on me but on a group of friends who are spending time together. I can't remember the last time we all got together, I think it was 2 years ago before my best friend moved to florida. Since then one girl has moved to texas and kids, jobs and life has just made it kind of impossible to all get together for a night out like we used to. I guess thats why my bm's are kinda involving me in the planning.
Posted by leagri2813[/QUOTE]

<div>That all sounds fine. It is very kind of you to help your BMs out so much!</div>

hollieandmatt · January 2013

I've been a bridesmaid in several weddings. In each, I've paid for my hair, dress and shoes all myself. Jewelery, however, was always included in the the gift from the bride. As far as the party goes, if it's not a bachelorette party, everyone should be paying for themselves. If it's a bachelorette party, the bridesmaids should be planning it together and splitting the cost amongst themselves with you (the bride) not shelling out a dime. (at least that's how all the weddings I've been a part of have been.)

leagri2813 · January 2013

my biggest dilema with my wedding is that I have only been to 1 wedding. only 1 of my friends are married and she did a shotgun wedding. The wedding I went to was my aunts and it was not your traditional wedding at all. It was more of a family get together. no wedding party, a quick ceremony and the reception was a potluck. So I have only have an idea of how things work with what i've seen in movies and read online lol I am so glad I have these forums to ask my thousands of questions :-)

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