Tuesdays Tips - Resolving Conflict

TysWife2Be · March 2010

So we all know that there are times where we will not agree with our significant other.

What are some ways you resolve conflict with your FI or DH?

TINAMM · March 2010

Try Try not to talk to each other while you are boiling mad! Take a minute get yourself together and then discuss whatever the issue is. Dont say things to one another that may be irreversable. always realize there has to be compromise NOONE can get their way all the time. You must be fair in all your decision making. This did not come easy for us early on in our marriage because I am very spoiled, not an only child but I was raised as one, so compromise was a word I did not have in my vocabulary, and yes it drove my Dh crazy and caused a riff or two but as you get older you realize having things your way all the time isn't that important. Whats important is my spouse feeling he has a voice in our relationship and that I listen to that voice.

sdstephens2010 · March 2010

We make an effort to talk about the issue (after we have calmed down or gotten our thoughts together) the same day,before going to sleep.

ladylum · March 2010

Like pp, we don't talk about it while emotional. We calm down and then revisit when we both can think clearly. COMPROMISE is the word! My sister has been married for nearly 8 years and she stated compromise is the way to go. For those things you can't compromise on, explain why and try to understand each other's view. Agree to disagree.

tamtam7 · March 2010

This is a great Tuesday Tip because I'm trying to figure out how to not physically abuse my FI before the wedding. LOL. There's not much that we don't agree on other than this wedding, and I'm finding it really difficult to deal with him during this time. I try not to talk to him when I'm angry, but sometimes I can't help it. I think we resolve conflict by talking and sometimes arguing it out. Sometimes we just agree to disagree on certain things. I'm finding that it will be best for me to do things myself, rather than nag him about stuff that he obviously don't want to do, because he simply won't do it. OH! The other day someone posted a thread about compromise, well, I realized one thing that we compromise on, and that is cooking. He likes to cook, so he does the cooking and I clean. Hooray for compromise!

csuperstar02 · March 2010

I was catching up on my wedding-blog reading last night, and the happy, nappy bride had a post about an article from Chocolate Brides.com

Thought I'd pass it along for this Tuesdays Tips' session: 10 Tips to Have that Wedding Day Love Last a Lifetime

cincy2011 · March 2010

GREAT article - thanks csuperstar! One way we resolve conflict (if it's something completely silly that one of us is getting irritated over) is to use humor. We know what makes each other laugh and if it's something petty that we're arguing about, one of us will make the other one laugh and then we can talk calmly and move on without holding a grudge.

KSTURGIS · March 2010

Yeah, that whole not talking while your mad does not work in my house. Fi wants it resolved when it happens. Sometime that irks me to no end. But I must admitt, it keeps me from being mad for hours. Most times anyway. lol

Just saying that you understand, a lot of times will squash conflict. You may have different opinions, but when someone feels like you dont understand and arent willing to try understand, that can make an arguement last way too long.

Someone once told me that true love is the most humbling experience. You willl never say sorry so much in your life, until you find the one that you love. Even if you dont mean it every single time. lol

cincy2011 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_tuesdays-tips-resolving-conflict?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:cadfd5d1-363f-444b-a27c-98566f68c5a5Post:6e8d7c33-22c7-4314-b0e7-79515424f433">Re: Tuesdays Tips - Resolving Conflict</a>:
[QUOTE]Yeah, that whole not talking while your mad does not work in my house. <strong>Fi wants it resolved when it happens.</strong> Sometime that irks me to no end. But I must admitt, it keeps me from being mad for hours. Posted by KSTURGIS[/QUOTE]

This is my FI exactly. We will literally have to stop everything and sit down to discuss if there's an issue. He does not want to wait to talk later...and it used to irk the heck out of me also. But now I appreciate it b/c it helps get stuff resolved quickly and at least we are communicating.

tamtam7 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_tuesdays-tips-resolving-conflict?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:cadfd5d1-363f-444b-a27c-98566f68c5a5Post:e6c20204-c63f-4589-b054-927dfe33930d">Re: Tuesdays Tips - Resolving Conflict</a>:
[QUOTE]GREAT article - thanks csuperstar! One way we resolve conflict (if it's something completely silly that one of us is getting irritated over) is to use humor. We know what makes each other laugh and if it's something petty that we're arguing about, one of us will make the other one laugh and then we can talk calmly and move on without holding a grudge.
Posted by cincy2011[/QUOTE]

We often use humor too, but sometimes it aggravates me because I feel like he is making light of the situation, but other times I do overract and it helps to laugh it off.

cincy2011 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_tuesdays-tips-resolving-conflict?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:cadfd5d1-363f-444b-a27c-98566f68c5a5Post:18792ec3-bd00-4ac1-be9a-72bd0238f6f8">Re: Tuesdays Tips - Resolving Conflict</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Tuesdays Tips - Resolving Conflict : We often use humor too, but sometimes it aggravates me because I feel like he is making light of the situation, but other times I do overract and it helps to laugh it off.
Posted by tamtam7[/QUOTE]

Yeah, you do walk a fine line with the humor b/c you don't want to piss the other person off more by making them feel like their opinion isn't important. But if you can find a way to gauge whether the other person would be open to letting go and laughing, then it works well! I love to laugh, so usually when he does something funny I am okay with cracking a smile.

MrsDorris2be · March 2010

I have learned to pick my battles wisely and that everything that gets on my nerves or bothers me does not need to be brought to his attention. It cuts down on alot of unnecessary bickering over little things and the biggest bonus for me is that when I have an issue that I really need to talk about, he really listens because he knows I don't bring up things all the time so if I take the time to bring it up, it must really be important and really be bothering me. Its just like the little boy that cried wolf. If you're always nagging and complaining, when you have a real legitimate issue or concern, nobody takes you serious because they think you are just whining and complaining as usual. Alot of my friends have made comments that I am too passive or let things slide too much, but they are the same ones always fighting with their SI or don't have one. I just feel like there are so many REAL issues that we may have to overcome during our life together, why fight over the small stuff? Learn to just ignore his ass and go have a glass of wine and watch Lifetime or something!!

ladylum · March 2010

I agree MrsDorris2be. Don't sweat the small stuff. Also I read this in a book one time. Ask yourself this question: Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy? Every guy I dated I asked that question and they all said they wanted to be right. Only my FI told me he wanted to be happy. Basically he understood that saying sorry is not a bad thing.

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