Normal Life...?

atlabs09 · May 2012

Hi all,

Id like your opinion on this situation please:

Ive been with my boyfriend since 2009, is when we met, started talking in 2008. Every snice then, my mom hasnt been eye to eye with me with my relationship with him and with me moving out and getting married one day cause she KNOWS that will happen one day. Dad seems to be fine lol. She said I'll never be able to live on my own and cause of my health issues. I had a liver transplant when I was 3 months old, 1985. So with that I have health issues and medications that Im on for life, anti rejection meds for the liver. With all that said above, does that really HAVE to hold me back in living a normal life married?? I know I have to be careful around people who are sick and with the health insurance can be $$$. But I can do everything myself, eat, bathe, cook, clean, ect. My boyfriend is the same, liver transplant patince but in 2000. It was love at first sight lol. I sometimes feel that I wont be able to make it out on my own cause of what my mom has said to me over the years, but my bf says we will do fine together and I believe him. I currently dont have a job, but he works for his dad. Just hard to get a job these days. Im sure everything will pan out, I hope.lol.

Thanks for reading my post !

atlabs09 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_normal-life?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:0dfcf806-9b45-4515-9cc3-7a25b2cc0f48Post:d2db46e9-38eb-4ca8-8bd2-d2e7241db3ad">Re: Normal Life...?</a>:
[QUOTE]My dad had a lung transplant. Getting his meds ready is a PIA as he takes about 16 pills a day. That being said, yes, I think you could take care of yourself if need be. Having a life partner to help you with things would be nice, though. And if you're married, you won't be alone anyway. So I'm not sure what your mother's point is?
Posted by jcbsjr[/QUOTE]

Wow! God bless him =) Glad hes doing well tho. Idk wht my mom's problem is. I think she sees me as her " baby " and dont want to lose me. I'll be with my MIL and fam to take care of me as well =) Im not engaged yet, but will be soon lol. and yes, I'll be with my bf who has been by my side from day 1 <3 Just taking it day by day and see wht happens. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-wink.gif" border="0" alt="Wink" title="Wink" />

jemmini6 · May 2012

I think your mom is just concerned for you, but she's obviously taking it a little far by saying that you'll never be able to live without them. You are an adult now, and having had to deal with the responsibilities of having a transplant for 20+ years now, I think you are probably more than well aware of what you need to do to keep healthy.

Also, I think the fact that you've both had transplants, it'll probably make it easier because you'll both be able to remind each other when to take your medication, you'll both stay away from germs, meaning he won't bring something home to you, etc.

But like I said, your mom is just being a concerned mom. You'll just need to reassure her that you'll be fine and that you'll both take care of each other.

firsttimersluck · May 2012

I agree with PP.

I think that you are a bit of a "mirical baby" in your mom's eyes since you had such a serious health issue so young. She is probably just worried that if you leave home, she can't protect you any more.

She needs to see that this man can take care of you like she can. That you can take care of yourself and on those days that you can't, he can. That's tough for her... She has probably spent years worrying about you when you leave her site, so the idea of lettting you go all together to be an adult and live on your own must be a bit terrifying.

I don't see why you and your man can live a happy, normal married life. You do have some complications to work with, but who doesn't?

Just reassure her.. Maybe sit down with her and your boyfriend to discuss her worries outright. You're an adult, I'm sure you can handle it

GL op!

julib33 · May 2012

Your mom is just worried

She's a mom, it's her job. I was born over 2 months early and weighed 3 pounds. My lungs weren't developed, I had holes in my heart, and had less than 10% chance of living. I'm still here! Sure, I've had health problems my whole life but it has never stopped me from living "normally". Because I've had problems my whole life it all seems normal to me because I don't know what "normal" truly is.

I'd assume that you're the same way with the liver transplant at 3.

You can live a perfectly "normal" life and be happy with your FI! I've lived on my own for 4 years, graduated college, and am getting married. I don't see why you couldn't do the same

You just need to reassure her and show her that you can be on your own. Accept her support if she's willing to give it while your not under her roof and love her like you always have.
Good luck!

jcsangelpen · May 2012

You're not alone in this. I have a chronic illness and my mom is very protective over me as well. She didn't want me to move out (I did anyway) and she's not thrilled that I am pursuing marriage at my age (23) while my condition is still up and down. You have to do what's right for you--but in my opinion, it seems wiser for us to be married than be single or just dating. More time with a significant other to help us, more security on the legal end... Sure, it can create a big more stress, but it can also provide an atmosphere for health to thrive.

atlabs09 · May 2012

Thanks everyone for your comments!!!!

Right now things are so so. Somedays are good and others are tuff days and Trav is 100% supportive with me. She's def not making my life easier but when the day comes that I move out, its gonna be a HUGE wake up call for her. Only thing we can do now is have our meets when we can and have to see what happens. Only time will tell. Yes it sucks that I can't do a simple sleep over with his family at the campground cause SHE isn't ready for that. I've had my moments this weekend even tho I saw him Sat, would have just been better if I could have be able to share this holiday with him and his family. Whatcha gonna do?? Hoping me begin engaged one day will open things up. Only timee will tell.

Normal Life...?

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