Moms and Maids

BM drama

So my one BM is being kind of selfish if you ask me. I am also a BM in her wedding which is the month before mine. I gave her money for my BM dress that she got a Macy's (She lives in the next state over) and I couldn't find the dress near me. So I hate the dress..whatever I bought it for her. She also got the wrong size and I will need alterations. I also sent $75 and the dress is $55 so I have $20 left over which she never offered to send back to me.

Anyway with all that being said, she hasn't even tried to get the BM dress for my wedding. Yes my wedding is 7 months away but she made me get the dress for her wedding?!
I asked her to get a matte black dress. She has a shiny black dress already and wanted to use that but it won't work with the rest of my bridal party. She doesn't want to buy a dress it seems like. She keeps saying she has 2 other dresses that are black in storage and will take a picture of them for me. She has not done so. 
I sent her the link of where my other two BMs got their dresses..at JCPenney for $50. She didn't say anything about it.

Ok so I am buying a dress that was $55 dollars plus now major alterations..which is not bad for a BM dress but I feel like she doesn't want to spend any money on the BM dress for my wedding the way she makes me feel. I know the wedding is 7 months away but she has been making me do everything for her wedding now and I want to start to piece my wedding together.

Am I being retarded?! Frustrated.

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Re: BM drama

  • edited December 2011
    7 months is a lot of time to get all of this stuff done.  Just because she is making you do all of this stuff doesn't mean it is right or that she will do it in return.  You are both planning weddings, it can be crazy.  Also, the whole saying "no one will ever be as excited for your wedding as YOU" is true here and on top of it she is having a wedding.  I would relax, and take a deep breath. 

     Have you talked to her recently?  Maybe she didn't get the email about the dress from JC Penny?  If it's important to you that they know  a piece of information... I would call and follow up instead of getting frustrated.
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Please do not use the 'R word,' in this way. Check this out:

     http://therword.org/action-pledge/

    You should call your friend and tell her she still owes you $20 for the bm dress. Find out if she can return it for the correct size. If it's too late for that, you're going to have to pay for alterations. But really, you should have stuck up for yourself sooner.

    You are being very flexible in allowing your bms to buy a matte, black dress of their choice for your wedding. They shouldn't have a problem meeting your requirements, so what's the rush? The stores are not going to run out of black dresses before your wedding. With the holidays around the corner, it might not be in her budget to purchase a dress that's going to hang in her closet for 7 months.

    I don't know what your friend is asking  you to do for her wedding. The only things bms are required to do are 1. buy the dress, 2. show up clean and sober and on time for the wedding. Anything else is extra. If she is asking you to do things that you can't comfortably do, just say no.

    Good luck.
                       
  • zitiqueenzitiqueen member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bm-drama-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:806670fe-5921-46da-b0ff-5b4511565aeePost:068c7d10-4ccb-45e7-a1a8-cf10440f6f7e">BM drama</a>:
    [QUOTE]So my one BM is being kind of selfish if you ask me. I am also a BM in her wedding which is the month before mine. I gave her money for my BM dress that she got a Macy's (She lives in the next state over) and I couldn't find the dress near me. So I hate the dress..whatever I bought it for her. She also got the wrong size and I will need alterations. I also sent $75 and the dress is $55 so I have $20 left over which she never offered to send back to me. Anyway with all that being said, she hasn't even tried to get the BM dress for my wedding. Yes my wedding is 7 months away but she made me get the dress for her wedding?! I asked her to get a matte black dress. She has a shiny black dress already and wanted to use that but it won't work with the rest of my bridal party. She doesn't want to buy a dress it seems like. She keeps saying she has 2 other dresses that are black in storage and will take a picture of them for me. She has not done so.  I sent her the link of where my other two BMs got their dresses..at JCPenney for $50. She didn't say anything about it. Ok so I am buying a dress that was $55 dollars plus now major alterations..which is not bad for a BM dress but I feel like she doesn't want to spend any money on the BM dress for my wedding the way she makes me feel. I know the wedding is 7 months away but she has been making me do everything for her wedding now and I want to start to piece my wedding together. Am I being retarded?! Frustrated.
    Posted by slpankuch[/QUOTE]

    Did you know the dress was only $55 when you sent her $75?

    How is she making you do everything for her wedding now? Is she making the trip from the next state over to hold a gun to your head until you do these things?

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bm-drama-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:806670fe-5921-46da-b0ff-5b4511565aeePost:6e7a4d91-19e9-42e2-a5e4-eefa1962c30e">Re: BM drama</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to BM drama : Did you know the dress was only $55 when you sent her $75? How is she making you do everything for her wedding now? <strong>Is she making the trip from the next state over to hold a gun to your head until you do these things?
    </strong>Posted by zitiqueen[/QUOTE]

    Love!  You are an adult and as an adult have the right to say NO.  If you didn't want to purchase the dress right now then your should have said something.  You also should have told her that you appreciate her taking the time to get the dress for you however, it is in the wrong size and rather than pay for alteration you would like the correct size.  As for her owing you $20, call her up and ask her when she will be getting that money back to you.

    As for your BM dresses, like you said your wedding isn't for 7 months and instead of being a pain in the butt like your friend is being why not show her the correct way when it comes to letting your BMs chose their own dresses.  If she tries to push the shiny dress on you again politely say that you have asked for your BM to wear a matte black dress of their choosing and that is what you are sticking with.  This to me sounds very fair and easy of you and I am not sure why she is being difficult but some BMs just like to be.

    Just remember that whatever stress you are going through with your wedding planning she is going through it as well.

  • slpankuchslpankuch member
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Replying to everyone that had questions:

    I did ask for the money back. She just said okay. LOL and it's been several months since. I sent her $75 because she didn't know the cost of hand. She thought it was $75 but had Macy's card so I guess that brought it down. Reminded her several times.

    She said she called Macy's to see if she could exchange the size and she said they didn't have it. Mind you it's 3 sizes too big.

    No she is not holding a gun to my head to do these things, I am her friend. However, all she talks about is her wedding never asks about mine. She made all her BM make hair, nail, and make-up appointments with deposits already as well.

    As far as the JCP dress. She said it wasn't her style...even though I bought a dress that looks like a cupcake for her wedding BM dress.

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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    If the bride is requiring that everyone get professional hair, nail and makeup, she should be pay for it. You have to learn how to say 'NO!' The next time she tries to bill you for something, tell her to put that $20 she owes you toward it ; )

    I'd love to see a picture of the cupcake dress, if you have a link. Didn't any of the bms speak up?


                       
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    Have you checked to see if they have it online?  If so, order the right size and have your friend just return the other one.

    Your wedding is 7 months away and you're giving your BMs a lot of latitude about what dress they get, so there's really no need to get pissy about your friend not getting the dress yet.  She has plenty of time.  With those requirements she could get a dress the week before the wedding from a department store and be just fine.  The fact that she was demanding enough to have you get your dress 6 months ahead of time is frankly immaterial.  Haven't you ever heard the phrase "two wrongs don't make a right"? 



  • em01092em01092 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    She shouldn't have a problem finding a dress since you were very nice and generous with your requirements, and she has plenty of time to do so. I know it's hard, but you have to just let it go for now. Really, there is no reason to be stressing about this now. 
    April Siggy Challenge-Wedding Escape: Reading HG/dreaming about Peeta.... Image and video hosting by TinyPic Wedding Countdown Ticker Bio-Updated 4/22**
  • nboothe86nboothe86 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Two friends having a wedding a month apart....That should explain it..She's excited for her day, you're excited for yours...If the dress was orginally $75 and she bought it and got a discount from HER Macy's card, thats a saving on her/ I understand you'd want the difference back but is stressing about $20 she saved by a Macy's card worth losing a friendship over...Would you have saved the extra money if you bought the dress?  How man Macy's store are there? Yes she bought the dress in the wrong size, but it isn't her onbligation to return it for another size. You should make time to go pick up the dress she bought, find a Macy's store that has a smaller size and exchange it yourself...
  • slpankuchslpankuch member
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bm-drama-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:806670fe-5921-46da-b0ff-5b4511565aeePost:a5db5d7a-3148-439b-a3d1-58a5fa743f5e">Re: BM drama</a>:
    [QUOTE]Two friends having a wedding a month apart....That should explain it..She's excited for her day, you're excited for yours...If the dress was orginally $75 and she bought it and got a discount from HER Macy's card, thats a saving on her/ I understand you'd want the difference back but is stressing about $20 she saved by a Macy's card worth losing a friendship over...Would you have saved the extra money if you bought the dress?  How man Macy's store are there?<strong> Yes she bought the dress in the wrong size, but it isn't her onbligation to return it for another size. You should make time to go pick up the dress she bought, find a Macy's store that has a smaller size and exchange it yourself...
    </strong>Posted by nboothe86[/QUOTE]

    They only have it in the store at her state...not online. It's a discontinued dress. So no, I can't do that.

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