Wedding Recap and Withdrawal

Mostly Venting...

In hindsight, we should have gotten a videographer. We thought it was cheesy and something we would never end up watching but now, neither of us remembers what happened because it all happened so quickly! 

It seems, the parts I recall best are some of the things I would like to forget the most. its been 30 days and married life is great but really no different than the last 5 of 7 years together. The wedding was great, not many complaints. We got really lucky and the forecast for storms changed the night before, we ended up with a gorgeous, warm and sunny day. It was a Catholic ceremony and I am not Catholic, yet, so I didn't know most of the responses and we both blanked out and forgot the "greeting of the families" portion, but we laughed about it with our priest immediately afterwards. No one else noticed, of course. It also turned out that the banquet manager was not the same person as the coordinator as we had been lead to believe so quite a few details were messed up at the reception but mostly minor ones. The only thing that upset me was that they did not follow the diagram I provided for place cards at the captain's table, so my grandparents were not sitting next to me as I had planned. The other stuff had me fuming for a week or so but I wrote my reviews and got over it. You must be wondering what I have to vent about...

It was a black tie event inside of a museum and we had a much larger than average budget (paid ourselves, not parental help), especially for the region (not bragging, just setting the scene) and only about 140 guests. It's important to note that I wore Vera Wang, the Dorothy dress in ivory but with the painted tulle. Also, important to understand that my dad's sister has always been more of a mother figure to me and was especially "there for me" with everything wedding related.

My husband and I stayed in a large hotel suite the night before and in the morning everyone came up to get ready there (BP, mothers and grandmothers) and get hair and make up done. That's when it started. 

My mother ducked out several times to go smoke and when she was around she would not stop repeating how she wanted to look "young", have "a young hairstyle" and "young make-up". She had been a pain leading up to the wedding with her dress because of her desperate desire to look young and other antics. For example, I offered to buy her dress and she refused, but then did not buy the dress she loved because "it was too much money". 

Ceremony begins. Everyone cries except my mother, so some people were looking at her strangely. We start photos and she keeps holding things up because she is worried about how she looks. Everyone leaves and goes back to the hotel before us, we stayed for more photos, then went back and had a small lunch. I couldn't get a hold of my parents because my mom, according to my sister, insisted on going to lunch at a restaurant in the hotel instead of getting room service with us. We are getting ready to leave for the museum and I get a text from my mom asking when she is supposed to leave (there is a party bus for all of them and I have already passed out schedules of arrival and departure times). I tell her in a text and then she calls me and is yelling at me wanting to know what time to leave. Uh, yeah. and my brother texts me right after to tell me that he told her when to leave and she just didn't want to leave that early. I found out later that her and her sister ended up holding up the bus from leaving the hotel so they were all late to the reception (all parents, grandparents, WP and some aunts and uncles).

We get through dinner and cut the cake right away. My mom starts having a fit about something and my dad had to walk her away from the party so, my husband had to go run, literally run, around this massive museum to find my dad for our father-daughter dance. Then the real fun began. My mother began to get completely wasted. She was dancing on chairs. She was shouting. She would dance up behind my dad's co-workers and do what can only be described as vibrate until they noticed and danced away from her. She grabbed my MIL by the arm and pulled her to the dance floor, slurring something about dancing together and then danced away, tripping over her dress that was never properly fitted and strappless, thus falling off of her. She also began going around telling people that she didn't understand why people wouldn't dance with her and, with out realizing I was sitting there, telling people that I was avoiding her and was a b***h. 

People were rolling their eyes at her and telling me how sorry they were. 

The best part, though... back before dinner started, my aunt came to bustle my dress for me. She knew how and had even marked the ties the first time she did it. My mom, who was not interested in my dress until now, insisted on helping. She tied 3 of the 8 ties. She did not tie them correctly at all. I can't even describe the mess completely. She had fabric pulled through this loop in the tulle that ripped the tulle, she had a tie from one layer tied to one in another layer. They kept coming undone and the underside of my dress was apparently showing all night. The best part, once she was drunk, it came undone and she stepped on it, ripping the top layer out at the seam along the entire front of the dress. 

I have a hard time talking to her now. We have never been close but she was so rude and so embarrassing, it makes it hard to even fake it now. What is worse, is she now suddenly wants to chat all of the time and has taken to calling me "baby girl". 

Thanks for letting me rant. I don't expect advice or anything. I just needed to get that out. 


Re: Mostly Venting...

  • So sorry honey. 
  • FWIW, we have two videos of our wedding (one pro, one by FIL). We have been married a year and only watched them right after we got them. We probably will not watch them again.

    As for the rest of it... your talk about money makes you sound bratty, honestly. Being loaded is not a guarantee that your wedding day will go perfectly. I'm sorry your mother acted classless, but that does not reflect on you personally.

    Oh, and about feeling different after marriage... the only thing that changed when we got married was that we started having sex. We already lived together, and nothing else was really any different. A wedding is one day. Marriage is forever, so yes, things will be back to the normal everyday grind.
    image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_mostly-venting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:12Discussion:82b690d1-000f-4a18-bc03-22a67f027b52Post:42ef2c48-28d7-4f68-9acb-a541d120c0e9">Re: Mostly Venting...</a>:
    [QUOTE]FWIW, we have two videos of our wedding (one pro, one by FIL). We have been married a year and only watched them right after we got them. We probably will not watch them again. <strong>As for the rest of it... your talk about money makes you sound bratty, honestly. Being loaded is not a guarantee that your wedding day will go perfectly. I'm sorry your mother acted classless, but that does not reflect on you personally. </strong>Oh, and about feeling different after marriage... the only thing that changed when we got married was that we started having sex. We already lived together, and nothing else was really any different. A wedding is one day. Marriage is forever, so yes, things will be back to the normal everyday grind.
    Posted by artbyallie[/QUOTE]
    I agree with the bolded. How much you spent really has nothing to do with the real issue here: your mother. Clearly she got wasted and made a fool of herself. I'm so sorry that this happened on your wedding day. You know that SHE is the one that looked like a fool & not you. Try to look at the happy moments & be grateful that you are married to the love of your life. 
  • I'm sorry this happened to you. I truly feel bad that your mom was a big part of making your day disappointing.
    However, I do not think it is important to note that you were wearing the Vera Wang Dorothy dress. So, sorry.
    image
  • Sounds like a rough time! Sorry about your mom acting absolutely batty. Best you can do now is move forward
    <a href="http://www.thenest.com" manual_cm_sp="community_badge-_-craftynestie-_-2010129"><img src="http://images.thenest.com/content/tn_sig_crafty.gif" border="0" alt="Visit The Nest!" /></a>

    <img src="[IMG]http://i50.tinypic.com/j628g0.jpg[/IMG]" width=220>
  • So sorry this happened to you. I get where your coming from when you stated that your wedding was over some peoples budget, you wanted to get across that you paid for this wedding buy yourself with no help from your parents. And the mentioning of the Vera Wang dress. If I didn't Google it to see what it looked like I would have thought there was no reason for you to mention it but when I did and read what happened to it, you can obviously see that the dress is nothing but tulle. I don't think she was trying to sound bratty or anything like that she was trying to paint a full picture for everyone to understand her situation.
    TTC #1 since June 2012
  • Thank you sadieboud10, that was exactly my point. I mentioned it because I wanted to illustrate how expensive it will be to fix an expensive and rare dress that my own mother had no regard for. I have also seen countless posts in which people say things to the effect of, "you have to deal with it, they paid for it". I only mention the "larger than average budget", because I wanted to paint a picture of how formal this was and thus how inappropriate the behavior. It was not a backyard wedding.  It was not a lame attempt at a black tie affair. It was in an expensive venue with thusly expensive costs for damages, such as ripped chair pads from people dancing on them in high heals. I guess it' s only okay to discuss money on here if you are saying you stayed under such-in-such amount or got a great deal on whatever item. 

    I never said I was "loaded" or that I assumed that would make the day perfect. I also do not feel like any one thinks anything negative of me. I know she only embarrassed herself. I am just so furious with her that I have a difficult time talking to her now. Our relationship has always been superficial and at the moment, its hard to even fake it. 

    Also, for those that said I should just be happy about the good, I am, in fact I am pretty sure I said that. I am only upset about my mom and that is actually quite separate from my other wedding feelings, it just so happens that what made me mad at her occurred at the wedding. 

    artbyallie, I never assumed, nor did I state that I ever assumed, that life would be different after married life. I guess I have just been asked a thousand times how it feels to be married so I now tend to slip in a comment about how we have been very happy together for 7 years and the wedding was just a formality and celebration. You, actually, sound bratty to me for calling me names, inferring that I am "loaded", as if success is something to be ashamed of, and for bragging about your piety by stating you and your live-in boyfriend never had sex. 

    Thank you to those who are able to either be understanding or not say anything at all. Usually the point of venting is to just say whatever is on your mind and people listen, not ridicule your statements and make you more annoyed.  

  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 Exit 21 (Jersey!) member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    edited July 2012
    Not sure why people would look at your mother strangely for not crying.  Crying isn't mandatory for weddings.  In fact, I hope no one cries at mine or I'll probably be a wreck then myself.

    Not sure why you would let your mother bustle part of her dress if she was so wasted and you paid so much for it.

    And it's really the party bus driver's fault for making everyone late for one person.  He or she should've left without her.

    Sorry you had to deal with all of this.  But I'm assuming this isn't the first time your mom pulled behavior like this, right? 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_mostly-venting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:12Discussion:82b690d1-000f-4a18-bc03-22a67f027b52Post:d2b957c9-0d12-4c64-b078-3fe59c0d44f8">Re: Mostly Venting...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thank you  sadieboud10 , that was exactly my point. I mentioned it because I wanted to illustrate how expensive it will be to fix an expensive and rare dress that my own mother had no regard for. I have also seen countless posts in which people say things to the effect of, "you have to deal with it, they paid for it". <strong>I only mention the "larger than average budget", because I wanted to paint a picture of how formal this was and thus how inappropriate the behavior. It was not a backyard wedding.  It was not a lame attempt at a black tie affair.</strong> It was in an expensive venue with thusly expensive costs for damages, such as ripped chair pads from people dancing on them in high heals. I guess it' s only okay to discuss money on here if you are saying you stayed under such-in-such amount or got a great deal on whatever item.  I never said I was "loaded" or that I assumed that would make the day perfect. I also do not feel like any one thinks anything negative of me. I know she only embarrassed herself. I am just so furious with her that I have a difficult time talking to her now. Our relationship has always been superficial and at the moment, its hard to even fake it.  Also, for those that said I should just be happy about the good, I am, in fact I am pretty sure I said that. I am only upset about my mom and that is actually quite separate from my other wedding feelings, it just so happens that what made me mad at her occurred at the wedding.  artbyallie , I never assumed, nor did I state that I ever assumed, that life would be different after married life. I guess I have just been asked a thousand times how it feels to be married so I now tend to slip in a comment about how we have been very happy together for 7 years and the wedding was just a formality and celebration. You, actually, sound bratty to me for calling me names, inferring that I am "loaded", as if success is something to be ashamed of, and for bragging about your piety by stating you and your live-in boyfriend never had sex.  Thank you to those who are able to either be understanding or not say anything at all. Usually the point of venting is to just say whatever is on your mind and people listen, not ridicule your statements and make you more annoyed.  
    Posted by lkirby85[/QUOTE]

    <div><div style="font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;background-color:initial;background-image:none;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;color:#1f1f1f;font:normal normal normal 11px/14px Arial, sans-serif;text-align:left;line-height:normal;">Ditto PP. I don't get the crying thing.<div>
    </div><div>And if she effed up your bustle so bad why didn't you just have your aunt fix it, if not right then, minutes later? I googled your dress, it's very pretty, but I saw several for sale, so I don't know about rare. </div><div>
    </div><div>I'm pretty sure any venue would charge for damage to furniture, not just ones in which black tie events are held. Also, if her behaviour was that shiitty, it wouldn't be appropriate at ANY wedding, whether it be black tie or backyard BBQ. Just because you spent a gajillion dollars doesn't make it worse.</div><div>
    </div><div>I agree with PPs, you come of sounding bratty, the part I bolded especially. The details weren't all necessary. Sorry you had a rough time with your mom though.</div></div></div>
  • edited July 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_mostly-venting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:12Discussion:82b690d1-000f-4a18-bc03-22a67f027b52Post:d2b957c9-0d12-4c64-b078-3fe59c0d44f8">Re: Mostly Venting...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thank you  sadieboud10 , that was exactly my point. I mentioned it because I wanted to illustrate how expensive it will be to fix an expensive and rare dress that my own mother had no regard for. I have also seen countless posts in which people say things to the effect of, "you have to deal with it, they paid for it". I only mention the "larger than average budget", because I wanted to paint a picture of how formal this was and thus how inappropriate the behavior. It was not a backyard wedding.  It was not a lame attempt at a black tie affair. It was in an expensive venue with thusly expensive costs for damages, such as ripped chair pads from people dancing on them in high heals. I guess it' s only okay to discuss money on here if you are saying you stayed under such-in-such amount or got a great deal on whatever item.  I never said I was "loaded" or that I assumed that would make the day perfect. I also do not feel like any one thinks anything negative of me. I know she only embarrassed herself. I am just so furious with her that I have a difficult time talking to her now. Our relationship has always been superficial and at the moment, its hard to even fake it.  Also, for those that said I should just be happy about the good, I am, in fact I am pretty sure I said that. I am only upset about my mom and that is actually quite separate from my other wedding feelings, it just so happens that what made me mad at her occurred at the wedding.  artbyallie , I never assumed, nor did I state that I ever assumed, that life would be different after married life. I guess I have just been asked a thousand times how it feels to be married so I now tend to slip in a comment about how we have been very happy together for 7 years and the wedding was just a formality and celebration. You, actually, sound bratty to me for calling me names, inferring that I am "loaded", as if success is something to be ashamed of, and for bragging about your piety by stating you and your live-in boyfriend never had sex.  Thank you to those who are able to either be understanding or not say anything at all. Usually the point of venting is to just say whatever is on your mind and people listen, not ridicule your statements and make you more annoyed.  
    Posted by lkirby85[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>I understand you are trying to paint the picture. I think, all you really needed to say is "it's an extremely formal affair" and that due to your mother's inappropriate behaviors "the venue charged an expensive repair fee" (if that's the case). Doesn't matter if the venue isn't very formal, having a drunk mother dancing around is inappropriate anyway.

    I'm sorry to hear about your mothers' behavior. Thanks for sharing, but at least you have a hubby to lean on and depend on. It might even be a fun story to tell 20 yrs later.</div>
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • I did not ridicule anything you said. I didn't call you names, merely said you sounded bratty. And my opinion on that point has not changed. I in no way implied having money was something to be ashamed of, merely stated that it does not ensure a perfect life. And I wasn't bragging about myself, but pointing out the only thing marriage changed for us, which was simply fact. I don't judge you (or anyone) that has pre-marital sex. We personally chose not to, which is purely between us. Hell, we're not even going to expect our kids (when we have them) to stay virgins if they don't want to.

    In summary, congratulations on completely misreading my post.
    image
  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 Exit 21 (Jersey!) member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_mostly-venting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:12Discussion:82b690d1-000f-4a18-bc03-22a67f027b52Post:3981c1fb-3393-4843-b03a-9baa6f30b268">Re: Mostly Venting...</a>:
    [QUOTE]All she wanted to do was vent.....geesh!
    Posted by madimyluv[/QUOTE]

    Venting on a public forum may lead to responses you don't like.  Get over it or don't post.
  • kaos16kaos16 member
    Knottie Warrior 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    In hindsight, wouldn't getting a videographer have just given you a highlights reel of your mom acting like a fool?  Something that I imagine you might want to try to forget.

    It doesn't matter how expensive your dress, venue, cake, ring were(as that seems to be a point you keep focusing on), they are all just things, they don't matter at all . . . what you should be focusing on is the love that you and your new husband have for each other, and your marriage. 

    Try to remember, a wedding is just a party. . . . it's maybe 5 hours of your life.  Remember the good parts of it, forget the crappy ones, and move on. Smile
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_mostly-venting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:12Discussion:82b690d1-000f-4a18-bc03-22a67f027b52Post:3981c1fb-3393-4843-b03a-9baa6f30b268">Re: Mostly Venting...</a>:
    [QUOTE]All she wanted to do was vent.....geesh!
    Posted by madimyluv[/QUOTE]

    Agreed!  Ladies on TK seem bipolar lately...
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_mostly-venting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:12Discussion:82b690d1-000f-4a18-bc03-22a67f027b52Post:3ec310d1-c463-4df4-8805-6bc710595aab">Re: Mostly Venting...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Mostly Venting... : Agreed!  Ladies on TK seem bipolar lately...
    Posted by Jinxed329[/QUOTE]

    Dude, one No-no on this site; do not use mental illness pejoratively. Bipolar is not something to swing around like an insult. Congrats for looking insensitive.

    OP, I agree with the others, it wouldn't matter if your mother got trashed at a backyard wedding (I have been to a very beautiful, elegant backyard wedding, by the way. You sound really snobby) or a "lame attempt at black tie" (again, snobby) or at the frigging Plaza. They all exude the same amount of no class. And you are never wearing that dress again, why fix it?
  • I think that stinks about your mother, I am sorry you had to deal with that. I am also sorry that as women we can't support eachother more and everyone has to read into everyones statements way more then we should.

    Im getting married in just over a year and I am sooo excited. So many people are like "have you signed up on the knot?". So I come on here to read a few things.... and honestly I am nervous to come back or even post anything again... I am even nervous to post this ... I thought it would be a more supporting enviroment.
    image


    Anniversary
  • Excuse me all the ladies that are complaining about the venting: you didn't have to read it! It's an online forum, if people need to vent, let them vent! To OP: I'm so sorry you had to go through all that at your wedding
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • I'm sorry your mother did this to you.   While reading it: i have to say it reminds me a lot of my best friends mother.  She has a substance abuse problem...not to say that thats what your mother has: but something is definitely going on.  It just set off some alarm-bells for me while reading it: this is not the normal "just bad behavior".   

    Regardless: Im sorry she was such a distraction on your special day.  I dont understand why all these ladies on this board are attacking you.  I too am footing the bill for my "over-average" cost wedding, and it stresses me out, but its something that i'm going to do, because its special to me.  And if my mother ruined something that I budgeted, saved and tried so hard to make beautiful:  I would be upset too.  BTW, that vera gown is gorgeous, and a perfect choice for a museum wedding.  

    And my own vent:

    If i hear one more person say:  "its just one day"  " over in 5 hours"  "no one cares but you" "waste of money"  I'm going to scream.     Because it isn't  a little thing.  And a wedding day is something different to everyone.  And maybe it is 'one day':  but it is a very important one, to mark one of the biggest choices/celebrations of your life. And you dont get to do it twice....just once.   I just wish the ladies on this board would respect everyones choices on how they create or invest in their day, and not criticize.  We are strong women.  Why cant we support eachother?  
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards