im just curious

ridedatbike · December 2012

I was wodering if anyone here thought there could possibly be a circumstance where they wouldnt have a huge problem with someone having two ceremonies. Ive seen a lot of talk about insurance and buying a house and deployments and all of the responses are negative so it got me wondering about another situation i had heard of that seemed fine to me but I was just wondering....not for approval or anything im just curious

Peavy · December 2012

I can't think of a single situation where two ceremonies would be okay. What is the circumstance you're talking about?

ridedatbike · December 2012

Ah I see I just kind of felt bad for her and like hey I would love to see her have the "wedding" of her dreams I didn't know if anyone had ever seen a situation where they felt that way to

bunni727 · December 2012

I'm having a hard time coming up with anything. Maybe two ceremonies on the same day? Say the bride and groom are two different religions, and want to have their marraige blessed in both faiths? I still think a single blended ceremony is better, but I don't think I'd have a problem attending something like that.

bunni727 · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_im-just-curious?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:a3ffdf97-feb8-4209-af16-6c5e1aed41e7Post:ea04f793-fab3-4335-95de-8c94913302b9">Re:im just curious</a>:
[QUOTE]Ah I see I just kind of felt bad for her and like hey I would love to see her have the "wedding" of her dreams I didn't know if anyone had ever seen a situation where they felt that way to
Posted by ridedatbike[/QUOTE]

No one here, as far as I've read, has any ill-will towards anyone in that respect. I'm pretty sure everyone would like to see everyone get the wedding of their dreams. Problem is, life doesn't always work out that way and we all have to learn to mourn our percieved losses and live a fuller life when we can.

For example: high school sucked for me. It was beyond awful. That doesn't mean I should go back and have a graduation party now that I do have enough friends to invite to one and money to finance it. Going out to Arby's with my family and one friend was special, because it was real, and I would never betray that memory by wanting a do-over.

Peavy · December 2012

And let me add that I think a "vow renewal" within a short time of the marriage - like less than 10 years minimum, and 20 or 25 is more appropriate - is complete BS. It's just an attempt at a do-over wedding, but wives think somehow that calling it a vow renewal is more acceptable. It's not. It's ridiculous.

HobokensFury · December 2012

Maybe 2 different religious ceremonies in the same day. Otherwise no.

ridedatbike · December 2012

OK I mean I see where you're coming from. Ithink I just see things a little differently. This situation involves the combination of a deployment an adoption and a pcs. She was left with no time to finish her wedding plans. Shea ordered the dress and everything hit things didn't work out time wise. I mean if she was to expect a wedding I could see where that would be wrong but to just want to be able to go through with original plans I don't see a problem. Then if everyone around her wants to gibe that to her it seems legit. But I think I get you guys.

ridedatbike · December 2012

I know I would go without any second guessing she's given up so.much and dedicated everything she's got to be the best mom she can be I would be happy to attend

QueenOfTheSea · December 2012

I think that what is "appropriate" or "acceptable" is all a matter of opinion and that there are some grey areas. For example, I am of the Lutheran-Missouri Synod faith and during one of our premarital counseling sessions with our minister we were talking about living together before you are married (because we are living together and not married yet). Our faith frowns upon this, and many ministers in our area refuse to marry you if you are living together! However, some of these same ministers will marry you immediately in a private ceremony, just the 3 of you, so that you are married in the eyes of God and then they will proceed to marry you on the date you set in front of your friends and family. I'm not saying that I agree with this, I would never do this because I want my friends and family to see my actual wedding, not just some fake reach for gifts and attention. I'm just sharing this because to some people and in some religions, things like this are acceptable and sometimes encouraged. Multiple weddings and ceremonies just isn't my style, but not everyone sees things the same way, especially when living in a country with such blended personalities, religions, and freedoms

QueerFemme · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_im-just-curious?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:a3ffdf97-feb8-4209-af16-6c5e1aed41e7Post:b6a132ef-f091-484f-b346-e86cf3329e5d">im just curious</a>:
[QUOTE]I was wodering if anyone here thought there could possibly be a circumstance where they wouldnt have a huge problem with someone having two ceremonies. Ive seen a lot of talk about insurance and buying a house and deployments and all of the responses are negative so it got me wondering about another situation i had heard of that seemed fine to me but I was just wondering....not for approval or anything im just curious
Posted by ridedatbike[/QUOTE]

I'm having another ceremony, eventually. My partner and I had a beautiful wedding. It was still a budget wedding and it wasn't my "dream" wedding, but it was pretty close.

I plan on having a JOP wedding whenever California legalizes same sex marriage. It will just be the two of us, and the officiant at the county clerk. We will tell our families, because they will probably be excited that we can finally get legally married.

Otherwise, no, I can't imagine a circumstance where this would be remotely acceptable. Deployments happen. Kids happen. Health scares happen. If you want to get married to cover the legal issues associated with those happenings, that's a grown up, adult decision you have to make. You chose those legal protections instead of your dream wedding.

ridedatbike · December 2012

No no I mean I just kind of see it differently but I get where you're coming from. Just to be clear though she and her fiance got engaged before he left and chose to wait till he came home.to get married. The last I heard they had planned the wedding and everything around the adoption and his reenlistment happened earlier than planned so when he got back it left them with like a month or some rediculous short period of time to be able to get everything taken care of. Idr what the exact time was but I know she didn't have time to get his family down here and actually go through with their plans. I know this doesn't change your views which is fine I just want to.make sure her dignities protected. BTW I didn't realize they hadn't legalized gay marriage in California yet.

ridedatbike · December 2012

O and I know she was trying to protect her daughter and they both wanted to gibe her the best life possible and this is what it took. She's got this dead beat father

ridedatbike · December 2012

O idk.if they're actually planning anything but im.sure it would be good to.know for her that some people feel this way

ridedatbike · December 2012

Na just curious lol if I wanted validation im sure this isn't the place to look.

unchatenfrance · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_im-just-curious?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:a3ffdf97-feb8-4209-af16-6c5e1aed41e7Post:e6a4ce24-de77-49e9-a88b-a67708d74532">Re: im just curious</a>:
[QUOTE]It is acceptable in France, where it is legally required if you want to be married in the church.
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

<div>That's actually the case in virtually every single European country, because church and state are separate. If you want to be legally married you must have a civil ceremony, and then if you want to, you may have a religious ceremony the same day if you want your marriage to be revognized by the church (the state, in turn, does not recognize the church marriage).</div><div>
</div><div>OP, I agree with PP - unless we're talking the European scenario or two religious ceremonies on the same day in the US, you can't have two ceremonies months apart.</div>

unchatenfrance · December 2012

I wasn't saying that the ceremonies are months apart in Europe but I can see how it sounds that way. :-) Cmgilpin's situation is the only one where one can possibly have two ceremonies months/years apart. In all other cases, two ceremonies only on the same day/two consecutive days are possible.

Barbiiieee · December 2012

I think it is a huge cop out when military brides think they are entitled to do a do-over wedding. My fiance is in the Army, and we've discussed our back up plan should he get deployment orders. We've already booked our venue, and we had it written in our contract that we can either postpone, or move up the date (if it is available) should the need arise. If it happened, and we moved up our date around the deployment, we are well aware there are MANY things we would have to sacrifice, but it is something we've thought about, and something we unfortunately may have to do.

I think in a way, it kind of comes with the territory of being a military bride. Its the life my fiance chose for himself, and the life I chose to share with him. Our love is worth more than all the poofy white gowns in the world to me, and if that is something we end up choosing to forego, it won't make us any less married, or any less in love.

I think that goes for any babies/pregnancy, illness, college tuition or any other excuse people give for feeling entitled to a do over. I think they end up making a mockery of their existing marriage and everyone else's, and just end up looking kind of silly.

Peavy · December 2012

Well put, Barbiieee.

LauraChristin · December 2012

I had two ceremonies. We were originally planning a marriage in the Greek Orthodox Church followed by a reception -both here in America. A few weeks before our wedding, we found out that my (now) husband's mother needed emergency surgery. She lives in Australia. She was unable to travel from Australia. My husband and his mother are both Greek Orthodox. The religious ceremony was not important to me, personally. But important to both of them. My husband and I decided to keep our general wedding plans in place instead of postponing the wedding since most of our guest list was from out of town or out of country and had already booked travel arrangements. We decided to change our ceremony to a civil ceremony with our original reception plans to follow. 7 months later, once my MIL was healthy enough to travel we had a very small Greek Orthodox blessing on our marriage with her in attendance so that we could share that with her. I don't believe we breached etiquette with our two ceremonies in this case.

ridedatbike · December 2012

I didn't intend to make this about entitlement im sorry. It was just anhonest question. But I think wantingand expecting are very different.

im just curious

Re: im just curious

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