Light appetizer displays dilemma... help!

Re: Light appetizer displays dilemma... help!

• Rose March member

  

  January 2012 edited January 2012

  How long is the reception? For how long do you intend to serve the appetizers? Typically if they are served outside a meal (I think given that you'll state 'light appetizers' on the invite and the 7pm start time that it's safe to assume that it is) the formula is 5-6 choices and 1-2 of each per person.

  

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• NOLAbridealmost member

  

  January 2012

  I think you should rethink your plans entirely to be honest.   What you're suggesting a tiered reception which is really quite rude.  What happens if some people show up early and the dinner is still going on?  How would you feel to know that you weren't one of the 60 who were special enough to make the cut?  There's really no way to do what you're suggesting without looking terribly rude. I'd be ticked if I was one of the 240 who was left out of dinner and I'd feel awkward to be one of the 60 when I realized there was a second tier of guests. 

  
  

  I'd cut your guest list whatever size you can afford to feed a meal to each guest and then skip the light appetizers afterwards or I'd scrap the dinner, stick with the large guest list push the start time to 8:00 and just do light appetizers for all.   Those are the polite options. 

  
  

  
  

  
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• Sue-n-Kevin member

  

  January 2012

  The brides on the Knot are pretty honest, as you can tell. I agree with NOLAbridealmost above, a tiered reception is not really good etiquette. You are implying the 60 getting a full meal are more important than the other 240 coming later. If I was one of the 240, (and I always arrive early to things), I'd be pretty offended.
  
  You also don't say how late the 7 pm event will last, or whether you are having alcohol. Tiered reception aside, if you are having appetizers at 7:30 and having alcohol, and it lasts about 5 hrs, in spite of an invitation that states it is "light appetizers", 5-6 per person is not enough to fill people who are drinking alcohol.
  If it only lasts 2-3 hrs, no alcohol is involved, and it ends around 10 pm, then 5-6 per person would be OK.
  
  My recommendation: plan the wedding you can afford and treat all your guests equally, same food, same party. Appetizers can often cost more than buffet meals because they take time to create each and every one, and people to do that. Or, rather than a full dinner for 60, plan an appetizer only meal for 300, with 10-12 appetizers per person starting at 7 pm.
  
  Every couple deliberates over budget and guest list size. It's not easy, and sometimes the outer circle of family & friends get left out.
  
  You don't indicate what else is happening at the "app only" event......music and dancing? Tables and chairs?
  
  Good luck.

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• RebeccaB88 member

  

  January 2012

  I have to agree with both S&K and NOLA.  Tiered receptions are beyond rude, and honestly, when I found out that I was one of the unimportant 240, I would consider our friendship to be over.  I mean, either you want me there or you don't, and you can either afford me as a guest or you can't. 
  
  You need to completely rethink this situation and arrange an event where you can invite everyone to every event and host them properly, or cut out the second part of the reception and celebrate with only the original 60 at the ceremony AND dinner.  Really, those extra 240 need to be served the same dinner as everyone else, at the same time, at the same location, whatever that dinner turns out to be.

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• lyndausvi mod

  

  January 2012

  ditto everyone else.

  
  

  BTW - 7:30pm is dinner time.  Tiered reception aside (Yikes) you really should not be having a light appetizers at that hour.  Especially if it's a long reception.

  
  

  I do 5-7 pieces for light apps at an off-meal hour and 12-15 per person for dinner time. 

  
  

  Honestly I do not 'get' want you are proposing.   I planned an DW wedding for 150 people and that was more than enough for me.   I can't even imagine planning a DW plus a tiered reception for up to 300 people back at home. Sounds like a nightmare. Sure people say they want to be apart of the celebration, but I'm fairly sure those other 240 people would be fine and not hold a grudge that you are having a smaller reception.  The average person 'gets' you can't invited everyone to a wedding.

  
  

  I suggest either just having the blessing with the 60 people and calling it a night 

  
  

  OR

  
  

  Having the blesssing/reception for the full 300 people.  If you take the amount you are spending on the 60 person dinner, you might be able to host a nice reception with some heavier apps.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  

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