Grooms family no support or love

barcarporras2009 · August 2010

I am so hurt and feel overwhelmed. The grooms mother has been working hard to destroy us for many years...then she backed off. Our wedding is September 26, 2010. 34 more days. His family has not RSVP for the wedding...mom, sisters, cousins, aunts. Just a few people have from his side of the family. He wants me to just include his mom, brothers and sisters because he believe they will be there. On another note...3 of his brothers is his best man and groomsmen. They had all the information for tux rentals plus several reminders. No one has gone to get fitted or put down the deposit. they keep saying they will go down....but has not. one brother even lied and said he did it already but Al's Formals confirms no one has gone down. i have even got a call from the tuxedo shop to remind me they need to come in now. I expected the mom problems but was not prepare for the rest. His family has become a thorn in our wedding. Just need advice!!!!

gottahavashorti · August 2010

Call and ask them whether they will be attending the wedding and do so for any other missing RSVPs as well. MIL and BILs didn't bother to send in their RSVP cards, nor did my sister or another BM. Some people assume that they don't need to RSVP because they are close family/friends.

mkrupar · August 2010

Ditto PP - They might not think they have to because they're so close in relation to the Groom. If his brothers don't get fitted and don't have tuxes they won't stand up with your FI on that day. You and he won't look bad, they will. At the end of the day, the most important thing is you two will be married, whether 30 people from his family are there or 10. Keep that in mind and everything else will work itself out.

emilyinchile · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_grooms-family-support-love?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:67d7b746-d86d-4265-b62e-ac86502c5fb8Post:77b569d1-7086-40ad-86b5-79862a9eabc8">Grooms family no support or love</a>:
[QUOTE]I am so hurt and feel overwhelmed. The grooms mother has been working hard to destroy us for many years...then she backed off. Our wedding is September 26, 2010. 34 more days. His family has not RSVP for the wedding...mom, sisters, cousins, aunts. Just a few people have from his side of the family. He wants me to just include his mom, brothers and sisters because he believe they will be there. On another note...3 of his brothers is his best man and groomsmen. They had all the information for tux rentals plus several reminders. No one has gone to get fitted or put down the deposit. they keep saying they will go down....but has not. one brother even lied and said he did it already but Al's Formals confirms no one has gone down. i have even got a call from the tuxedo shop to remind me they need to come in now. I expected the mom problems but was not prepare for the rest. His family has become a thorn in our wedding. Just need advice!!!!
Posted by barcarporras2009[/QUOTE]

I agree with PPs, but I don't think you should be the one to call - this is your FI's family, make him sort it out rather than putting you in the middle. It doesn't matter if he "believes" they'll be there. He needs to support you by picking up the phone and making sure that every person on your guest list has a confirmed yes or no RSVP. He also needs to be the one responsible for making sure all of his GMs have the appropriate attire, although I'd imagine that with over a month left you do have time for them to get their tuxes.

suz62984 · August 2010

I agree with Gotta. Some family members just assume they don't need to RSVP because they are family and it is understood that they are coming. Have FI call since it is his family. Also, have FI call his brothers and let them know that the tux shop needs the measurements by August 31st or they won't be able to get the tuxes. If they get them than they are in the wedding. If not, they have taken themselves out. Guys typically procrastinate with things like this. I wouldn't look at it as they dislike you.

aerinpegadrak · August 2010

NONE of DH's family RSVPed. With the exception of two, they all came.

gottahavashorti · August 2010

Oh, and we also had family RSVP to MIL even though my address was on the RSVP card. MIL told DH who probably would/would not be attending but not that there was a solid RSVP so we still had to contact them. So it's also possible that your MIL knows if the cousins, aunts and uncles are attending but just hasn't told you.

Ditto the others on your FI being the one to handle missing RSVPs on his side of the family and tux problems since it's the GM.

banana468 · August 2010

I think I'd let your FI handle this one on all counts.

I don't doubt that FMIL can be awful, but he needs to be figuring this stuff out with them - as well as letting them know what is and isn't cool to say.

mbcdefg · August 2010

Definitely have your FI handle this. Stay out of it.

On another note, why do you believe that his entire family does not love or support the two of you?

jenn.daniel · August 2010

Have you even hit your RSVP date yet? It seems really early to be worrying about this.

marinabreeze · August 2010

I'm sorry to hear about what's been going on with your FILs. I think, though, that it's still for your FI to deal with (not meaning just sit back on it, either), not for you to deal with. If he's been lackadaisical about it, and is more worried about making them happy than making you happy, then there are bigger problems than just whether or not the FILs will show up to the wedding.

banana468 · August 2010

Just out of curiosity, what does he do now?

Grooms family no support or love

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