The Walk

Witchfire02 · August 2010

That dreaded walk....ugh. Why can't things just be easy?

The problem is that originally I had asked my brother to walk me down the aisle. However, he said that dad should do it. I dispise my father, and though his abuse has made me into a strong woman, I know he doesn't have the right to give me away to anyone.

PLus, the "giving away" thing is a Christian tradition...I'm not Christian. I'm Pagan. However my dad is a Baptist, and therefore believes that he has that right.

So, I did some snooping around and found that some couples walk down the aisle together to be Handfasted. I thought "perfect!" Then, I got to thinking that I really love the idea of my love watching me walking down. That's very romantic.

But then, I'm back to squre one. My fiance doesn't like my dad anymore than I do, but he doesn't want me to walk down alone. I don't know what to do. My brother won't walk me down, and I don't want my dad to do it, but my fiance doesn't want me to walk down alone....

My best friend said that I could have my dad and brother walk down before me, following the BM and GM....but I dunno.

Honestly, I'm fine walking down by myself, I find that to be very empowering. But that causes drama! I want no drama on mine and fiance's day--a day to celebrate our love. I may just tell daddy to stick it and walk down alone. Especially if he tries to start some shizz about not being included...

I'm getting hitched in 88 days....I need some help....type to me peoples.

Light and Love.

~)O(~

dawnie204 · August 2010

What about your mom? Would she be willing to walk you? Or maybe a grandparent?

danieliza1127 · August 2010

I don't understand why your FI doesn't want you to walk down alone.

It sounds like your best option is to walk alone or with someone else you're close to, like your Mom maybe?

Also, I've never heard or believed that the dad walking the daughter down is a religious custom. We had a non-religious ceremony and my step-dad walked me down.

Witchfire02 · August 2010

I had considered that option, but my grandma is too traditional. And my mom...she's shallow and is concerned with how it'll look....But I could ask her.

Even though I'm a Witch and she's an Agnostic, it would be highly symbolic, since knowedge of the fayth is passed down from mother to daughter, traditionally speaking. And I've always been closer with mom than with dad.

I could have her walk me down--but nt necessarily give me away. Depending on whether she'd agree to walking me down.

Thanks for the input. I think there's going to be drama with my dad either way I go. There's no way that he's walking me down...heck I don't even want him to touch the aisle runner.

Light and Love.

~)O(~

Witchfire02 · August 2010

No, only when the father gives the daughter away to her husband, not walking them down. Back in the old days, the father gave the daughter away with dowry.

I believe it is an old Christian tradition, or so I've learned. If anyone else can clarifiy, I'd be willing to listen.

Light and Love.

~)O(~

twilight.rose · August 2010

One of my friends did something like this at her wedding (she just found the wording through Google):

Officiant: This union brings together different family traditions in the hope that a new family tree will become strong and fruitful. Theirs is a personal choice and a decision for which they are primarily responsible, yet their life will be enriched by the support of the families from which each comes. Therefore, I have these questions for you: Do you affirm your continuing support and love to (Bride & Groom) as they grow in their marriage?

Parents: We do.

Officiant: Do you celebrate with them the decision they have made to choose each other?

Parents: We do.

Officiant:Do you offer to them the best of your care and counsel in their times of struggle and your celebration with them in their times of joy?

Parents:We do.

Maybe your dad, or both of your parents, could do something like this instead?

FutureMrsMcDaniel · August 2010

I don't know why you think 'giving away the bride' has anything to do with being a Christian tradition. It's really a Western tradition that dates back to thousands of years ago when women were betrothed, lots of times at birth, to their future husband. Families literally 'gave their daughter away'. Nowadays, if a bride is walked down the aisle, it is more a public statement of support of the marriage from her family.

There are some cultures where both the mother and father walk the bride down the aisle, such as in a traditional Jewish wedding. In traditional Swedish weddings, the bride and groom walk down the aisle together.

mysticl · August 2010

Everything I've read points to the "giving away" being the transfer of ownership from father to husband. Women used to be property. It has evolved into the father escorting the bride and the "giving away" being more symbolic of her leaving her parents' home and starting her own.

desert*bride · August 2010

You said that you despise your father - there is no way that he should be walking you down that aisle... I think that would ruin the whole thing for you. eff that. tell him that you will be walking it alone [or with your mom or whoever else you find] and that if he has a problem with that, he should not attend. and that goes for anyone else who wants to cause drama for you.

FI and I are walking it together. We are starting on opposite sides of the ceremony site, walking towards each other, meeting at the top of the aisle, and walking down the aisle together. should be pretty sweet and awesome. I'm stoked.

LeahDVM2003 · August 2010

I am having two of my male friends walk me down the aisle, one on each side. My brother/father/mother and whoever else will just have to deal with it, although I did tell them in such a way as to leave not room for a response. No one will "give me away". I'm not a package! If they weren't male, I would probably walk myself, but it's certainly fine, IMO, to have one or two female friends walk you down.

Another idea is to have one person walk you halfway, and then a second.

A third idea is to have several people, who mean a lot to you, and have been there for you, stand along the aisle. Each holds a flower. You start out with no flowers, but as you pass each person, you collect one. The last person ties them for you, and voila', you have a bouquet!

Good luck! Do what's best for you. If they really love you, they'll deal with it. And if they don't love you, their opinions don't matter.

aummer1987 · August 2010

i was at a wedding where when the bride started to come down the aisle the groom left the front to meet her in the middle, then they walked the rest of the way together. It was soooo romantic! That way you wouldnt be walking the whole way down the aisle by yourself - but you still get the romantic feel of walking to your groom.
Your dad's feeling of entitlement aren't your problem and if he really causes a fuss tell him to deal or not to come!

sveva · August 2010

Oh, I kind of like the idea of the groom meeting the bride halfway.
I have also been thinking about different ways to walk down the aisle. I don't have as bad a relationship with my father as you seem to with yours, but I don't think I want him to walk me down the aisle.

If you feel empowered walking alone, then you should do it.

sctfrk1314 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_walk?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:2437b851-cfcb-44df-ac26-be1912fe3ac8Post:8bb6b2e0-9e27-434c-b76c-becc8022af48">Re: The Walk</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't know why you think 'giving away the bride' has anything to do with being a Christian tradition. It's really a Western tradition that dates back to thousands of years ago when women were betrothed, lots of times at birth, to their future husband. Families literally 'gave their daughter away'. Nowadays, if a bride is walked down the aisle, it is more a public statement of support of the marriage from her family. There are some cultures where both the mother and father walk the bride down the aisle, such as in a traditional Jewish wedding. In traditional Swedish weddings, the bride and groom walk down the aisle together.
Posted by FutureMrsMcDaniel[/QUOTE]

<div>This, 100% this. </div><div>
</div><div>The 'giving away' thing is done. No one nowadays thinks for one second that you belong to your dad and he is giving you away. But you could do like my FI and I are doing and change the wording to match the modern meaning. We are having the officiant ask "Who supports this woman in her marriage to this man?" and my dad will say "Her mother and I do." Simple!</div><div>
</div><div>You said that you despise your dad and, yeah, in that instance I can see why you wouldn't want to have him have anything to do with the ceremony. PP have come up with some wonderful ideas, like having you FI meet you or having close friends or your mom walk with you. </div><div>
</div><div>GL!</div>

SEWF · August 2010

I just got engaged a week and a half ago, but I immediately knew who I wanted to walk me down the aisle: my grandfather. Grandpa has six daughters and has never walked anyone down the aisle. Being an only child to a single mother, I decided to have my mom as my MOH. My grandpa has been playfully asking my FI and I when we are getting married for years now (we've been together for 6 years). When I asked him to walk me down the aisle, he got choked up. I've only seen him cry twice in my whole life!

That being said, he's not "giving me away". I will ask for the support of my family, but I'm my own person, and no one has ownership over me, but me. If you want to walk down the aisle alone, do it! It's your wedding!

Good luck!

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