Bridesmaid Indecision..

Re: Bridesmaid Indecision..

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  mbcdefg member

  

  April 2011

  I have my cousin who has been like a sister to me all my life, however we fight constantly and can go for months without talking - i feel like she should be there, and there will be lots of problems if she isnt.
  
  You shouldn't make someone a bridesmaid because of guilt, fear, their personal expectations or a childhood promise. If she is one of your closest friends, ask her. If not, then don't, and she can just deal with it. As can the rest of your family. You shouldn't be bullied into making someone a bridesmaid.
  
  and ontop of that she has her 2nd child on the way
  
  So? That has absolutely nothing to do with whether or not she can serve as a bridesmaid. If she can't do it, she'll tell you. Otherwise, don't assume that a pregnancy will somehow make her unable to stand (or sit) there in a dress.
  
  however we have drifted apart this last yr and i get knots in my stomache thinking about all the things i could see her doing to make the most important moment in my life ALL about her.. or to bring me down..
  
  Stop placing so much emphasis on the wedding. Yes, it's an important day, but it's not the be-all and end-all of your life. And don't spend your time worrying about all the "what-ifs" in life because you will drive yourself nuts.
  
  If she acts snotty and you ignore her, she'll stop (or you just won't be paying attention). If you obsess over how she's ruining "your day," then you'll be the one bringing yourself down. She can only bother you as much as you let her.
  
  you probably are all thinking easy! dont invite her.. but its family and im worried of a serious backlash.. but it makes me so uneasy thinking of all the things i could see her doing that isnt supportive..
  
  What do you equate as "not supportive"? Has she said bad things about your FI? Or are you afraid that she's not going to be a helpful and pleasant bridesmaid?
  
  oh! and to beat.. her and another bridesmaid potential are arch enemies so im concerned that if both of them are up there , it will be nasty .. and im concerned if one is and one isnt , it will be nasty .. the last thing i want is a cat fight on my wedding day .. should i stage a intervention with the two of them? they said they both would get along - but i still sense a large amount of hostility coming from my cousin towards my friend..
  
  Look. They're grown women (I assume). As such, it's their responsibility to handle themselves in an adult manner. If they want to be trashy and fight with each other, that is not your problem. It's not your responsibility to make them be friends or get them to behave. It's THEIR responsibility.
  
  If you decide to ask both of them, I think it's fine to mention to each that you asked the other girl. But don't stick your nose into it and stage an "intervention." Because then you make yourself involved in their situation. Just say to the cousin, "I've asked Sally and Jane to be my other bridesmaids," and if the cousin protests just cut her off and say, "I know you and Jane aren't friends. I'm not asking you to be friends. I'm asking you to be civil. All you have to do is get the dress and be in the wedding, so if you feel like your relationship with Jane would make anything more than that difficult, then don't participate in anything other than the ceremony." And then stop talking about it. If the cousin and your friend are together and start fighting, have them escorted out and ignore them. Don't feed into their petty B.S.

  

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  mrsjustinm2b

  

  April 2011

  my arch enemy is the husky with the beady eyes down the street.

  

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  vicki0508 member

  

  April 2011

  *to boot.

  Planning Bio
  

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  LoveYou012410 member

  

  April 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-indecision?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:781009fc-4ba3-4770-ae57-209e4eef9482Post:94449dd2-0dd5-4fc3-951c-5ff93c8aecf5">Re: Bridesmaid Indecision..</a>:
  [QUOTE]I have my cousin who has been like a sister to me all my life, however we fight constantly and can go for months without talking - i feel like she should be there, and there will be lots of problems if she isnt. You shouldn't make someone a bridesmaid because of guilt, fear, their personal expectations or a childhood promise. If she is one of your closest friends, ask her. If not, then don't, and she can just deal with it. As can the rest of your family. You shouldn't be bullied into making someone a bridesmaid. and ontop of that she has her 2nd child on the way So? That has absolutely nothing to do with whether or not she can serve as a bridesmaid. If she can't do it, she'll tell you. Otherwise, don't assume that a pregnancy will somehow make her unable to stand (or sit) there in a dress. however we have drifted apart this last yr and i get knots in my stomache thinking about all the things i could see her doing to make the most important moment in my life ALL about her.. or to bring me down.. Stop placing so much emphasis on the wedding. Yes, it's an important day, but it's not the be-all and end-all of your life. And don't spend your time worrying about all the "what-ifs" in life because you will drive yourself nuts. If she acts snotty and you ignore her, she'll stop (or you just won't be paying attention). If you obsess over how she's ruining "your day," then you'll be the one bringing yourself down. She can only bother you as much as you let her. you probably are all thinking easy! dont invite her.. but its family and im worried of a serious backlash.. but it makes me so uneasy thinking of all the things i could see her doing that isnt supportive.. What do you equate as "not supportive"? Has she said bad things about your FI? Or are you afraid that she's not going to be a helpful and pleasant bridesmaid? oh! and to beat.. her and another bridesmaid potential are arch enemies so im concerned that if both of them are up there , it will be nasty .. and im concerned if one is and one isnt , it will be nasty .. the last thing i want is a cat fight on my wedding day .. should i stage a intervention with the two of them? they said they both would get along - but i still sense a large amount of hostility coming from my cousin towards my friend.. Look. They're grown women (I assume). As such, it's their responsibility to handle themselves in an adult manner. If they want to be trashy and fight with each other, that is not your problem. It's not your responsibility to make them be friends or get them to behave. It's THEIR responsibility. If you decide to ask both of them, I think it's fine to mention to each that you asked the other girl. But don't stick your nose into it and stage an "intervention." Because then you make yourself involved in their situation. Just say to the cousin, "I've asked Sally and Jane to be my other bridesmaids," and if the cousin protests just cut her off and say, "I know you and Jane aren't friends. I'm not asking you to be friends. I'm asking you to be civil. All you have to do is get the dress and be in the wedding, so if you feel like your relationship with Jane would make anything more than that difficult, then don't participate in anything other than the ceremony." And then stop talking about it. If the cousin and your friend are together and start fighting, have them escorted out and ignore them. Don't feed into their petty B.S.
  Posted by mbcdefg[/QUOTE]
  
  you are very right about all of it and i really appreciate everyones help and advice with this :)
  
  thank you!

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  sweet_melissa81

  

  April 2011

  I am going through the exact same thing! I don't think I am going to ask her to participate in my wedding as hard as it will be. She is just too unpredictable and is far too unreliable. If we can't be friends on facebook, how the hell can you be bridesmaid? Just a thought!

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