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Additions?

bklg1111bklg1111 member
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in Moms and Maids
So, I have four bridesmaids, and two jr bridesmaids. My sisters, my friend from high school, a girl i work with, and FI's sister and niece. None of them have done anything to help me or anything. One of FI's groomsmen's girlfriends has been more than helpful. She has done way more than anyone else, but we weren't too close when I started planning. I regret now that she  isn't in the wedding.

What can I do to recognize her? 
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Re: Additions?

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    AutumnFairAutumnFair member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_additions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:8b8ed3d6-9805-4ce8-8bc3-2e8292f0a0c0Post:65577bd4-7de7-4aaa-9f5a-1794bf80fc5a">Additions?</a>:
    [QUOTE]So, I have four bridesmaids, and two jr bridesmaids. My sisters, my friend from high school, a girl i work with, and FI's sister and niece<strong>. None of them have done anything to help me or anything</strong>. One of FI's groomsmen's girlfriends has been more than helpful. She has done way more than anyone else, but we weren't too close when I started planning. I regret now that she  isn't in the wedding. What can I do to recognize her? 
    Posted by bklg1111[/QUOTE]

    <div>Remember BM is just a title for people who are very close to and want to honor. Your BMs do not have to help you with anything deal with your wedding, that responsibility is on you and your FI. </div><div>
    </div><div>Obviously your FI's GM's girlfriend is into weddings, the other ways to include her in your wedding is make her a Reader or female Usher. But I personally would just leave her as a guest (an honor to) and write her a heartfelt note telling her how much you appreicate her help.</div>
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    NadiaT1980NadiaT1980 member
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    edited December 2011
    First, if you need help or want your maids involved in a specific way, it is fair to ask. Without giving explanations or expectations, the only thing you might expect is a bridal/bachelorette party.

    Some people are just more into the sort of things that are part of weddings (hence all the TV reality shows about it). So is this girl a wedding-phile or is she genuinely becoming closer to you? Plus, being that she is a girlfriend, would you be ok with her in the WP if she and the BM split before your day?

    There are a few ways you can acknowledge her:
    1) Give her a little thank you gift with a note before the big day
    2) If you have a program printed, give her a special thanks
    3) Ask her to have some other part in the day, like reading (which honestly might be a little strange if you were never close before)

    Don't worry too much. Being invited to you wedding is also an honor, so if she is kind, she is happy to help without expecting much in return. Any thanks you give should be graciously accepted.

    Good luck!
    Nadi
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    em01092em01092 member
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_additions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:8b8ed3d6-9805-4ce8-8bc3-2e8292f0a0c0Post:f05b676e-3971-4776-b4bd-11d4c8897c67">Re: Additions?</a>:
    [QUOTE]First, if you need help or want your maids involved in a specific way, it is fair to ask. Without giving explanations or expectations,<strong> the only thing you might expect is a bridal/bachelorette party.</strong> Some people are just more into the sort of things that are part of weddings (hence all the TV reality shows about it). So is this girl a wedding-phile or is she genuinely becoming closer to you? Plus, being that she is a girlfriend, would you be ok with her in the WP if she and the BM split before your day? There are a few ways you can acknowledge her: 1) Give her a little thank you gift with a note before the big day 2) If you have a program printed, give her a special thanks 3) Ask her to have some other part in the day, like reading (which honestly might be a little strange if you were never close before) Don't worry too much. Being invited to you wedding is also an honor, so if she is kind, she is happy to help without expecting much in return. Any thanks you give should be graciously accepted. Good luck!
    Posted by NadiaT1980[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>You can hope for these, but if no one provides them, you can't say anything about it. Sure you can be disappointed, but griping about it will just make you seem entitled and selfish. The only requirements of a BM are to show up in the dress agreed upon, sober, and smile for pics. A lot of women would never consider doing this bare minimum and do really get into planning parties and showers, but others are not into weddings or do not have the time/money/energy. 

    </div><div>It is fine to ask your BMs (aka friends) for help, but you can't rightfully get mad at them if they cannot afford/manage to do so. </div><div>
    </div><div>I do agree with PP about thanking her in the program or giving her a little something. </div>
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    bklg1111bklg1111 member
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    edited December 2011
    I'm not expecting a thing. Maybe just for them to be happy to be a part of the wedding which NONE of them are. 

    It would be great for one of the girls to at least say is there anything you need help with? Like this girl did who has no ties to the wedding or anything. 

    I wasn't complaining about the girls not helping, I was asking how I can recognize this other girl. 

    Thanks.
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    AutumnFairAutumnFair member
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    edited December 2011
    <div><span style="color:#000000;font-family:'Times New Roman';line-height:normal;font-size:medium;" class="Apple-style-span"><div style="font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;background-color:initial;background-image:none;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;color:#1f1f1f;font:normal normal normal 11px/14px Arial, sans-serif;text-align:left;">In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_additions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:8b8ed3d6-9805-4ce8-8bc3-2e8292f0a0c0Post:4194ff30-ce91-490c-b275-def9ec2a2a27">Re: Additions?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm not expecting a thing. <strong>Maybe just for them to be happy to be a part of the wedding which NONE of them are.  It would be great for one of the girls to at least say is there anything you need help with? Like this girl did who has no ties to the wedding or anything.  I wasn't complaining about the girls not helping, I was asking how I can recognize this other girl. </strong> Thanks.
    Posted by bklg1111[/QUOTE]

    <div>Try not to take them not being interested to heart. People have lives, and many times just don't have to the time to help with stuff or there are some people who are generally not "wedding" type of people. Not saying you can't be bummed, but when you bring them into your OP, to me, it was kind of insinuating that you were complaining. If you would have just said what I bolded in your OP:</div></div></span></div><div>
    </div>In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_additions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:8b8ed3d6-9805-4ce8-8bc3-2e8292f0a0c0Post:65577bd4-7de7-4aaa-9f5a-1794bf80fc5a">Additions?</a>:
    [QUOTE]So, I have four bridesmaids, and two jr bridesmaids. My sisters, my friend from high school, a girl i work with, and FI's sister and niece. None of them have done anything to help me or anything. <strong>One of FI's groomsmen's girlfriends has been more than helpful.</strong> She has done way more than anyone else,<strong> but we weren't too close when I started planning. I regret now that she  isn't in the wedding. What can I do to recognize her? </strong>
    Posted by bklg1111[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>You would have gotten your answer without having to be told that your BM are not required to do anything. But since you threw how your BM weren't doing anything and that this girl is doing way more than anyone else, that is why PP thought you were complaining. </div><div>
    </div><div>Once again, either make her a reader or just get her a gift and write a note to her expressing your appreciation for her helping. 

    </div>
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    monique026monique026
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    edited December 2011
    I was in a similar situation, I explained to my friend that I would have loved to make her a bridesmaid and I would've if we'd started being close sooner, so she understood and I had her be a reader along with my close college friend. My bridesmaids wore long red dresses, and the readers wore short dresses in the same color so that it would be obvious that they were included as well.
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