Double duty BM gifts...?

minko1986 · November 2012

Hi ladies!

I'm having a mix and match BM dresses, and they can choose whatever dress they like as long as it's in a similar color I want. Because of that, I was planning on to buy some semi-matching earrings in pink (I think it will be pink) for them to wear. Pink isn't none of my BM's favorite color, but they are more indifferent about pink. So here is my question....

I was planning on to have the earring double duty as BM gift. I was going to create a DIY mug (where you draw on the mug and then bake) for them as well. Is having the earrings double duty as a BM gift a bad idea? I'm on a tight budget, and my friends know about it too.. Someone told me that gifts should be something that BMs enjoy, but what about all those typical BM gifts with monograms or big BM or those sort that are typically "accepted" as BM gifts? Am I the only one who doesn't want to receive those monogramed glasses and totes as BM gifts? Should I just let the BMs wear whatever jewelry they want and get something else instead...?

Thanks for your help!!

mandi195 · November 2012

Generally speaking, if you give them jewelry or anything else they are required to wear for the wedding, it is not a gift.
That said, the earings wouldn't really be a "gift" for them, so much as for yourself, so that they look the same for your photographs. I would shop for each girl individually, as you would for their birthday (this applies to both the Christmas and BM gift). Also, they should be two seperate gifts. If you cannot afford to do both, I'd go with the BM gift over the holiday.

Peledreamsofrain · November 2012

The earrings are to please yourself, therefore they are not gifts to anyone else. There's nothing wrong with providing them for your BMs to wear, just don't pass it off as a gift. The mugs sound like a fun idea. You can certainly add to them and give a multiple item gift, or just leave it at the mugs. Think of what you'd get the girls for their bday or xmas. Take the wedding out of the decision making.

kmmssg · November 2012

Agree with the others about the earrings - those are for your wedding so they aren't gifts.

Take advantage of the awesome sales over the hoiday season and shop for each girl personally like it was her bday or Christmas. Don't do matching gifts. Last year I bought myself a nice set of 30.00 wine glasses (4) for 9.99. That and a bottle of wine would make a killer gift for me if I were a BM. Cheap too.

Kate61487 · November 2012

ditto PPs - the earrings aren't a gift for them; especially since you're saying none of them would be jumping up and down over pink. Earrings can be a gift, but they shouldn't be matching and they should be based on the girls' individual tastes. And no one (including you) will notice their jewelry in photos. Swear to God I couldn't tell you what jewelry ANY of my girls were wearing.

I personally think the mug is kind of goofy. I don't get gifting a singular piece of glassware - I have dishes, I like them, they match, they fit in my cabinets. I really don't have the extra cabinet space for a painted wine glass or a personalized mug. I'd take the $20 you were going to spend on the earrings and mug and shop for them all individually.

minko1986 · November 2012

Oh I see. Because of all those monogrammed BM gifts, I for some reason thought BM gifts had to be related to wedding. LOL. Thanks for leading me to the right path!!! Like someone said, I think I'll take advantage of the holiday sales in a few weeks. Thanks!!!

Kate61487 · November 2012

Yeah the monogrammed wedding gifts are an unfortunate symptom of the wedding industry trying to feed more money into itself. They try to convince you that you need "Bridesmaid" t-shirts and bags and all this other stuff that's totally unnecessary. You'll be fine, just don't buy into it ;-)

leighlee12 · November 2012

I dont think its a bad idea. Maybe you can switch the earrings to ones they would actually like? and get them each earrings that would fit their personality and would actually wear again. But people understand you aren't made out money. If your bridesmaids are in it for the gifts they shouldnt be in your wedding party anyway. I think you can do what you want. Who cares if the "gifts" are also things to be worn at the wedding. If the earrings are bought for specifically each bridesmaid who cares. I think its ridiculous people say the gifts shouldnt be things you want them to wear during the wedding. I have been in plenty of weddings. Besides one or two things in the gift most of the items were worn during the wedding. I could care less. I wasnt there for the gifts. Come on people. Geesh.

GoodLuckBear14 · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_double-duty-bm-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:784f3065-9b28-4dfb-a004-739e89dc35e2Post:4d0de9c7-c199-4711-940b-e60ed6efb841">Re: Double duty BM gifts...?</a>:
[QUOTE]I dont think its a bad idea. Maybe you can switch the earrings to ones they would actually like? and get them each earrings that would fit their personality and would actually wear again. But people understand you aren't made out money. If your bridesmaids are in it for the gifts they shouldnt be in your wedding party anyway. I think you can do what you want. Who cares if the "gifts" are also things to be worn at the wedding. If the earrings are bought for specifically each bridesmaid who cares. I think its ridiculous people say the gifts shouldnt be things you want them to wear during the wedding. I have been in plenty of weddings. Besides one or two things in the gift most of the items were worn during the wedding. I could care less. I wasnt there for the gifts. Come on people. Geesh.
Posted by leighlee12[/QUOTE]

Nobody agrees to be in a WP in order to get gifts. That has to be one of the dumbest things I've ever read on these boards. I've been in plenty of weddings also and can tell you that (like Retread mentioned) when I looked at everything I had spent, including a wedding gift, when the Bride's "gift" to me was jewelry to wear in her wedding, it hurt. I honestly would have rather not received any gift at all - which happened in a couple of weddings and I was fine with that. It's like charity donation favors - don't give this to me and pretend that it is a gift. It is really for you.

Peledreamsofrain · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_double-duty-bm-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:784f3065-9b28-4dfb-a004-739e89dc35e2Post:73ad1bbd-44dc-4436-b12a-2f1b2119707e">Re: Double duty BM gifts...?</a>:
[QUOTE]leighlee, the wedding party members are spending their money on their dresses, and probably a shower and bachelorette party and related gifts. That doesn't even include the time out of their lives for the rehearsal, wedding and reception (which, for some, may involve time off work, perhaps without pay, and travel expenses). The bridesmaid's gifts are the thank-you from the bride for this. Giving something that will be used in the wedding is selfish on the part of the bride. That's not a treat for the maids; it's another prop for the bride's pretty day. Certainly some brides have done this. This is no reason why we should follow suit. Would you jump off a cliff just because your friends did? Treat your friends the way you would want to be treated.....and remember that they are doing this out of love for you. Show some love for them.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

This exactly. If the bridesmaids CHOOSE to wear the gift to the wedding, that's one thing. Requiring a 'gift' to be worn like a uniform is not much of a gift and is almost guarenteed to be somthing the girls will NEVER use again in their lives.

I have a seriously ugly clutch (in one of the wedding colors) that was my 'gift' in one wedding, and a seriously ugly choker that was my 'gift' for another wedding (again in the wedding colors and to be worn on the day). I wore both of them exactly once, and they never leave my closet. Not much of a gift, or an honor.

I would have treasured a photoframe of me and the bride together more. Or ANYTHING that had been picked out with ME in mind in the slightest, not the wedding. But meh, life goes on.

OliveOilsMom · November 2012

I have been a BM 5 times now. The gift I hated the most? The one from my SIL. Because even though I told her (after she asked), I don't wear jewelry and I am allergic to nickel (most cheap jewelry), what does she get me? Cheap jewelry that matched the BM gown. Halfway through the day, I had to take off the necklace because it was itchy and giving me a giant red blotch in the middle of my chest. The one earring was almost stuck in my ear and it took over a week to stop being so inflamed. That set was given away to charity with the dress, about a week after the wedding.

All that being said, I did get my BMs necklaces. But they represented each of their own styles and tastes. I also told them they did not need to wear them on the wedding day. My sister and neice did wear their necklaces, but it was their choice.

OP - As PP said, ditch the earring idea and tell your BM to wear whatever jewelry they want. Use the money your saving from the earrings to get them a gift card to their favorite store or something else that they will truly love.

leighlee12 · November 2012

Wow, people on these boards are condescending bitches. OK specifically at least GoodLuckBear14.
This is dumbest thing you have read? Really? Who the hell do you think you are?
You are an old hag- you have to be-obviously, to be bitchy enough to write something as cruel and hurtful as this. "That has to be one of the dumbest things I've ever read on these boards"
Forgive me, I dont sit here on these boards day in and day out, so I dont know how to quote people correctly- I am sure I will get made fun of for that as well.
I read these boards everyone once in a great while and its always the same people responding. There doesnt seem to be any point in continuing to read them because when someone's opinion is not similar to your own, you just treat the person like s*().
I hope you feel good about it.

After completing this post and submitting it, I will feel as pathetic as I hope you do, for sinking to your level, but my God, grow up. Everyone can have their opinion without having to feeling tiny and attacked because you dont like their response.
I simply gave my opinion, and shouldnt have to feel stupid because GoodLuckBear14 didnt like it.

mandi195 · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_double-duty-bm-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:784f3065-9b28-4dfb-a004-739e89dc35e2Post:61aeba38-6690-48c4-9833-7b28a3fd7f19">Re: Double duty BM gifts...?</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow, people on these boards are condescending bitches. OK specifically at least GoodLuckBear14. This is dumbest thing you have read? Really? Who the hell do you think you are? You are an old hag- you have to be-obviously, to be bitchy enough to write something as cruel and hurtful as this. "That has to be one of the dumbest things I've ever read on these boards" Forgive me, I dont sit here on these boards day in and day out, so I dont know how to quote people correctly- I am sure I will get made fun of for that as well. I read these boards everyone once in a great while and its always the same people responding. There doesnt seem to be any point in continuing to read them because when someone's opinion is not similar to your own, you just treat the person like s*(). I hope you feel good about it. After completing this post and submitting it, I will feel as pathetic as I hope you do, for sinking to your level, but my God, grow up. Everyone can have their opinion without having to feeling tiny and attacked because you dont like their response. I simply gave my opinion, and shouldnt have to feel stupid because GoodLuckBear14 didnt like it.
Posted by leighlee12[/QUOTE]
sensitive much?

leighlee12 · November 2012

I didnt "assault" her, I insulted her. No I dont feel like going back and deleting it or editing it. I dont care to be on the site anymore.
It's the same old witches responding all the time anyway- I actually like seeing variety of opinions, not the same every time, or people getting crabbed at for a different one.
Calling one stupid is ridiculous as well.
And if I recall reading the "rules" that isnt allowed either.
Report me. I really dont care- if I did I wouldnt have posted in the first place.
Peace out!

GoodLuckBear14 · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_double-duty-bm-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:784f3065-9b28-4dfb-a004-739e89dc35e2Post:3ad81a39-16e2-4506-8b71-83cd14195ddb">Re: Double duty BM gifts...?</a>:
[QUOTE]I didnt "assault" her, I insulted her. No I dont feel like going back and deleting it or editing it. I dont care to be on the site anymore. It's the same old witches responding all the time anyway- I actually like seeing variety of opinions, not the same every time, or people getting crabbed at for a different one. Calling one stupid is ridiculous as well. And if I recall reading the "rules" that isnt allowed either. Report me. I really dont care- if I did I wouldnt have posted in the first place. Peace out!
Posted by leighlee12[/QUOTE]

I didn't call you stupid. I said what you posted was dumb. There is a difference. Your insinuation that people who were hurt by the "gifts" that they were given means that they only agreed to be in the WP for the gift was a <em>dumb statement</em> and I stand by that.

And I think I'm someone who has been on these boards for a long time and got through my wedding without any problems mainly because of the help of the "old married hags" who were here to help me by telling me when I had a really dumb idea or to tell other responders when they had one.

One more thing: Retread used the right word. You can be banned for a personal attack aka an "assault" but cannot be banned for telling someone that their idea is bad or their statement is "dumb". If you really read a lot of what I post, you would know that Retread and I don't always see eye to eye so when she is telling you that you are out of line, you can take it to heart.

Peledreamsofrain · November 2012

Since when is 30 old? I get ribbed at my office for being 'the baby' It's so weird and counterproductive when women attacks another's years of experience. In a man, it's considered valuable.

arendiva · December 2012

I'm thinking I might make gift baskets with spa stuff from bath and body works and get each girl a giftcard to her favorite store. When I was a bridesmaid I received a giftcard and it was much appreciated.

Double duty BM gifts...?

Re: Double duty BM gifts...?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards