Is it Wrong to Tell Others You're on a Budget?

phyllicia97 · April 2010

I feel like my inner bridezilla is starting to come out. My fiance and I have been catching heat lately for backing out from social events because of our financial situation. We are paying for the wedding ourselves and have been running into others who doesn't "get it" when we mean we are on a tight budget. Because of these incidents, I'm becoming a lot more agitated, irritated and extremely short fused. An incident with mom is the most recent and I'm not having any of it. What do you and fiance do when you are in this type of situation?

fabutan · April 2010

Sounds like a rather stressful situation...that's sad to hear.

No, I don't think it's wrong to tell others you're on a budget... I think everyone knows that planning for a wedding can be super expensive. It should be totally ok to back out of social events, especially since you're paying for the wedding yourselves, so every penny adds up. If people are being judgmental or pressuring you, those are probably not the type of 'friends' you want to be hanging around anyways....

At the end of the day, the wedding is for you and your fiance as a couple. If the money situation is causing strain on your relationship or making you sacrifice things like a down payment for a house, car, etc., and leading to general discontent...it's probably time to rethink priorities, downsize the wedding, or something!

In other words, wedding planning is inevitably stressful and costly, but peace of mind and a stable relationship can be priceless! Hope this helps.

Hang in there!!

Kahalagurl · April 2010

No i think its a totally legitimate excuse. I think its harder for someone who isn't saving for a wedding to understand. and honestly its not just the reception that u have to budget for which everybody may say its one day, don't blow a down payment on it. its all the other wedding related expenses (hotel/car/honeymoon/ etc). We are not on a super tight budget, but i still feel like i don't have discretionary money in our day to day budget becuase every bit will help so we don't have to stress if things come up or what not. I feel like most brides would be on a budget leading up to their wedding and people esp family should be more empathetic.

kaesha · April 2010

I think it's totally fine! When my husband and I first moved back to Canada, we were dirt poor. Like, seriously, dirt poor. We couldn't afford a car, could barely afford groceries... there was a lot of stuff we couldn't do. So we made time to have social engagements that were free. Maybe that's something you two could do to stay in touch with people and make sure they don't feel left out?

carrieoz_76 · April 2010

I only get irritated at ppl who use that excuse if they 1) knew their situation, confirmed a plan with me anyways, then bailed later (I chalk this up to bad planning on their part, not money problems), or 2) still do other really expensive frivolous things but just not with me anymore. If you don't fall into these categories, just keep repeating that you're trying to save money, and leave it at that. Don't explain, and don't budge.

But, as Alyson said, do try to plan activities with your friends/family that are free. A walk in the park or on the water is free and fun and allows time to chat. A day trip with a packed picnic is free(ish), fun and allows quality time. Inviting a friend over to watch a rented movie is super cheap. You don't have to drop off the map completely just to save money (and who wants to? that's no fun at all).

jackcody · April 2010

I agree with Carrie. As long as you don't fit into those two categories, you're completely reasonable, and I think even admirable for having a handle on your finances. We resented our friend a little bit because he fell into category #2: he would go out and spend hundreds of dollars on something very frivolous, and then bail on our friend's birthday (which was just showing up at a pub and one beer to say hi). He blamed it on money problems.

I also agree with finding alternative social activities. My FI & I are paying for most of his family's tickets to Hawaii, so we're super tight on cash. We're renting more movies, instead of going out. I'm learning to cook more, instead of eating out. And we're involving our friends in these cheaper alternatives as well so that we don't get caught having to go out to dinner, etc, in order to be social.

HTH

natalie115 · April 2010

I agree w/ everything already said, but just wanted to add...don't let anyone push you into spending money you don't have or don't want to spend. If they can't be understanding about your situtation then they're probably not people you want to hang out w/ anyways.

nahokulele · April 2010

Totally agree with PPs. I know EXACTLY what you mean. We are also in a similar situation, and it's been hard, but then you know, it's your life, it's your situation, and other ppl can go eat worms if they don't like it, don't understand, or don't agree!

If you can find acceptance, it will help--accepting your situation, accepting that others really just don't understand what you're going through if they haven't gone through it themselves, and just trying to let it all roll off gracefully, without being (a) mean, or (b) a martyr. Not that you are! I'm just describing how I was at first, hee hee.

Easier said than done, I know, but it's good life practice.

destiny1108 · April 2010

We kind of avoided the nights out by telling them "sorry, we're working on our wedding" and just left it at that.

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