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Father of the Bride problems

chelseamc201chelseamc201 member
First Anniversary First Comment
in Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum
My dad haven't been on good terms for the past couple of years and things are getting worse now between us. My wedding is in less than a month. He is invited to the wedding and as far as I know he his coming. 
The way things are right now, I do not want him to walk me down the aisle to give me away. I do not feel that the symbolizm it shows applies to our relationship. I have one reletive that is pressuring me to resolve things with him and tells me I will regret not having him walk me down the aisle. Which may be true. 
At this point, I know if I have him walk me down, I will not be happy. At a time which is supposed to be my happiest. I know my fiance will not be happy either if he sees my dad walk me down. I was thinking having my younger brother walk me down, or I just walk down the aisle myself. I would like to patch things up in time for the wedding. But if they don't work out, I know having my dad walking me down the aisle would put me in a bad mood and some memebers of my family are making a big deal about it.
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Re: Father of the Bride problems

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    MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    Don't have him walk you if you don't want him to.  

    I don't see why your younger brother would walk you.  I assume he didn't raise you or have that kind of relationship with you either.

    If relatives bring it up say "that is a very personal decision between me and Father.  Thank you for your thoughts, but the matter is not up for public discussion."  Then change the subject.  
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    AurorasEnvyAurorasEnvy
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    I'd probably try and patch things up, but walk yourself down.  I feel that way your dad won't be as offended (if he is going to be) because no one has "replaced" him.
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    ootmother2ootmother2 member
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    You're a big girl, walk yourself  down the aisle.

    Simple and leaves no room for nosy questions
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    travistanyatravistanya member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_father-of-the-bride-problems?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:7fce6d74-1c16-4007-aa9d-d792454236e5Post:56c6bb68-bf63-4928-a827-484774baf02d">Re: Father of the Bride problems</a>:
    [QUOTE]Don't have him walk you if you don't want him to.  <strong> I don't see why your younger brother would walk you.  I assume he didn't raise you or have that kind of relationship with you either.</strong> If relatives bring it up say "that is a very personal decision between me and Father.  Thank you for your thoughts, but the matter is not up for public discussion."  Then change the subject.  
    Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]

    I don't agree with the bolded statement. Lots of women have their sons or brothers walk them down the aisle. My cousin had her brother because her father died of cancer the year before. He didn't raise her and no one cared that he didn't. It was a sweet sentiment that made all of us tear up.
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    MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_father-of-the-bride-problems?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:7fce6d74-1c16-4007-aa9d-d792454236e5Post:618bbfda-aadc-467c-9c2e-b00dadb90a1c">Re: Father of the Bride problems</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Father of the Bride problems : I don't agree with the bolded statement. Lots of women have their sons or brothers walk them down the aisle. My cousin had her brother because her father died of cancer the year before. He didn't raise her and no one cared that he didn't. It was a sweet sentiment that made all of us tear up.
    Posted by travistanya[/QUOTE]

    <div>She specifically said she didn't want her dad to walk her because she didn't have a father-daughter relationship with him.  </div><div>
    </div><div>There's no rule or expectation that it needs to be a "father figure" in general, but many women do want that for an escort.  Based on OP's post, it looks like that's what she's looking for.</div>
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    transcriber87transcriber87
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    I too don't have hardly any kind of relationship with my father...My mom raised me alone from the time I was 5 and he was a "see you on your birthday and christmas" kind of father...I am proudly being walked down the aisle by my mother, she is my best friend, confidante and I am so excited! She is also my maid of honor. 
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    travistanyatravistanya member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_father-of-the-bride-problems?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:7fce6d74-1c16-4007-aa9d-d792454236e5Post:2e60df2d-add4-444e-b51c-d5abf9c10239">Re: Father of the Bride problems</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Father of the Bride problems : She specifically said she didn't want her dad to walk her because she didn't have a father-daughter relationship with him.   There's no rule or expectation that it needs to be a "father figure" in general, but many women do want that for an escort.  Based on OP's post, it looks like that's what she's looking for.
    Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]


    Sorry, I took it the other way. I know she didn't really want her father to walk her down but she said something about having her brother do it. I was just advocating that a brother was fine if she wanted him.
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    mbrischouxmbrischoux member
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    You answered your own concern:  You willnot be happy on the day that should be your happiest.

    You aren't going to patch things up in a month, especially since this month will be so busy that you won't have real time to bond.  I do believe that you should both put in the effort to resolve thing between you so you both can be at peace with each other, but to rush that for the sake of one day won't help your relationship with him.  Take real time to mend your relationship so that you can both be at the very least at peace with each other.

    As for those saying you'll regret him not walking you down later, you'd also regret not feeling joyful for that important moment of your day.  This is none of their business. 

    Anyone can walk you down, or you can walk by yourself.  Feel joyful on that day and take real time to create peace with your father afterwards.

    And enjoy your wedding.
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    Don't feel like you have to walk down the aisle with your Dad just because someone says it's something you'll regret. Your relationship with your father is your business. Make the decision that will make you happiest. It's virtually impossible to make everyone happy so don't bother trying.
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    keostrowskikeostrowski member
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    It's your day and you can have anyone you choose to walk you down the aisle.  However, if you do end up patching things up with your dad, you may regret not asking him to walk you down the aisle for the rest of your life.

    And, who knows - maybe asking him to do so will be the very thing that helps to better your relationship.

    I understand the details of the situation are left out, but what matters is that you're happy on your day.  But remember, he's your dad.  Will you be just as happy when someone else is escorting you down the aisle and you see your dad in the pews?
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    chelseamc201chelseamc201 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    Thank you everyone for your imput. 

    I was orignally thinking about having my brother walk me down, because I wanted him in the wedding somehow, and he couldn't be an usher. I actually helped raise him ( I was 13 when he was born, and our mom died about 5 years ago.) That's kinda where things with my dad and I started getting hairy. I won't get into details here because this is a wedding board, not so much a family issues history board. And with family memebers telling me how I need to patch things up, I've been telling them it's none of their concern.

    But upon thinking, and my BIL helped me decide. I am going to have my Godmother walk me down. She has been more of an influence in my life, plus she has helped A  LOT with my wedding. Thinking about how having her walk me down, vs. anyone else, she seems the most appropriate for the moment.


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    OwningAHome1981OwningAHome1981 member
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    It breaks my heart to hear people not getting along or speaking to their parents. I don't know what I'd do without mine. I'm glad you figured this out it sounds great and I wish you all the best.
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