HELP! :(

lailabean202 · August 2012

Hi everyone!

I'm new to the boards and this is a bit of a rant/plea for suggestions. (Sorry it's long

I am getting married in one month to my amazing fiance. He is asian american, and I, am just plain old american (not asian). We are having a destination wedding where his parents live. His dad, who is great, speaks little to no english and my fiance struggles to explain himself to him sometimes. I, can't understand his dad at all.

One issues is our guests. Our wedding is big (350 people, most of which who are friends/family that his dad has invited on his own - I just sent him a stack of 300 blank invitations). Everyone in his family keeps telling me that no one is going to rsvp to me, so I have to trust his dad to make sure he knows exactly how many extra people are coming (which makes me nervous). This also causes a problem for a whole lot of other things. For one, my venue wants to know how many kids, and it's virtually impossible for me to get that answer; I'm also trying to do a seating chart. I had planned to to assigned seats for the folks we knew were coming, and a free for all for his dad's guests since I have no idea who they were.

However his dad told us he would make a seating chart for his guests. Now I feel nervous; I have no idea what he plans to do or how he intends to seat people...or how this will effect where Im puting people....and do I need name cards for them now? How do I get their names? How do I know how many kids he's inviting? Because of the language barrier, I can't ask him myself, so I have to rely on my fiance who is very touchy about the subject. Last time I complained that the planning was difficult due to all of this, he kind of freaked out. My fiance has a complicated history with his family, and the wedding process has made him feel kind of bad because it reminds him he can't communicate well with his dad, and also has little relationship with him. So getting the guy to help me is like pulling teeth.

Basically, I feel like his dad is planning half the wedding while I'm trying to plan the other half and we aren't communicating. It's really stressing me out. His father got two priests...and an MC; the MC is fine, because I want someone to translate at the reception (but I already have a DJ....ANd I don't know who this other MC is or how they are going to work together). His dad also wants my parents to sit with him and his grandparents at their table, which is a nice thought, but my parents can't talk to them...and we're having a four and a half hour reception (o.0). Considering that out of all these people, I only have 7 family members coming, I think it's fair to let them all sit at the same table; but I don't know how to break this to his dad without offending him.

Sorry it's so long, I guess I'm just very stressed right now and unsure how to handle his dad's expectations, etc. and still make the wedding happen smoothly.

calliopeia2013 · August 2012

Honestly, it sounds like you gave up control pretty early in the process, and now you're going to have to live with having given up control. I'm really not sure what else to tell you.

fallbride1109 · August 2012

Is there an FMIL in the picture that could help? Or a FSIL--anyone else on his side?

Honestly, you may just have to plan for 350 and forget about a seating chart. Not ideal I realize but what else can you do? It's not worth stressing over and I'm sure your FI (who probably couldn't care less about a detail like that) is tired of dealing with it. It's not a huge deal in the grand scheme of things.

Maybe try the Asian Weddings board as well. This sounds to me that there are a lot of cultural issues involved that we may not be aware of or familiar with. Good luck!

theelusive1 · August 2012

Our son was married in another country. We did not speak the language. We asked a friend of hers to come and translate. He had to work overtime, so that did not work. We smiled a lot and knodded our heads. They were in the same situation as we were. We had a great time, the translator came late. I suggest you try to arrange for one. Before the wedding we had a friend of ours translate for us during the planning stages. Maybe you could find a college student or teacher that could help you out a bit. Both families have learned enough of each others language to communicate pretty well. One thing we had the translator tell them early on is that if we say a cuss word we really did not mean it. They all laughed and told her to say the same to us. Good Luck in your planning.

heylady87 · August 2012

I think you have to give up on the seating chart. It isn't a big deal, and so many people want to sit where they want and with whomever they want. I wouldn't worry. As for the MC to translate, give him your DJ's contact info and vice versa. Tell them how you want your reception to go, and let them figure it out. My DJ, bless his heart, directed the entire reception, and it was so awesome.

OwningAHome1981 · September 2012

I think b/c it's a destination wedding, you wont have near 350 guests. Destination weddings are tough for a lot of people and b/c of that, the turn outs for them are usually less.

Aileanm · September 2012

I sugest not panicing and letting his dad do most of it. Then have a small gathering formal celebration in your home city maybe a month later? This lets you do it your way. (of course this is assuming you have a healthy budget.

HELP! :(

Re: HELP! :(

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