Shower/Mother Frustration

roseofdeborah · June 2012

I need to get advice on this situation. I'm still a bit mad, well more hurt than mad. Two of my friends have offered to throw me a wedding shower. One lives an hour away and another lives in dorms. I called my mom today to see if it would be ok if we had it at their house because they are in a central location for our guests. She rudely told me no that she wants nothing to do with it...her reason was because if I had been more active at her (no longer mine) church that people there would have thrown me one and since that's not happening she won't let my friends host it at her place.

Before this she has been amazing and supportive through everything, so this really felt like a slap in the face. Not only do I not know of another option other then my own apartment (my fiance's family is in New Orleans) but now it makes it awkward with her and the rest of the wedding planning that should be with her too. I hate tension and awkwardness.

fallbride1109 · June 2012

Wow. I am so sorry. That was obviously something that she had kept in for awhile and it must have just come out. I mean, it really doesn't even have anything to do with the current situation.

As far as your options, I had mine at a little tea room and it was really nice. Maybe you could do something like that? Is there an aunt or someone you could ask?

Without knowing more about your relationship with your mom I can't really comment. I would probably just say oh, ok, I'm sorry you feel that way and let it go at that. Maybe she will rethink the comment and apologize. Otherwise, I would probably just go on like it hadn't happened, unless you feel you should discuss it further.

Oh and your E-pics were really cute BTW.

roseofdeborah · June 2012

My mom is 70 and typically very sweet, caring about others more than herself. I don't mind that she said no, as if I was 70 I wouldn't want to clean up after a wedding party. It just really threw off the mood for the rest of the planning like you said that she has been holding this against me.

fallbride1109 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_showermother-frustration?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:102Discussion:a4fab89d-57ea-440c-8a54-ffd75eb8fa95Post:43ac2671-0caa-475b-a1b7-79222a037046">Re: Shower/Mother Frustration</a>:
[QUOTE]My mom is 70 and typically very sweet, caring about others more than herself. I don't mind that she said no, as if I was 70 I wouldn't want to clean up after a wedding party. It just really threw off the mood for the rest of the planning like you said that she has been holding this against me.
Posted by roseofdeborah[/QUOTE]

Yes, it is something more deep rooted than just not wanting to host a shower. But I wouldn't let it affect everything else. Do you still attend church? Could that be what is concerning her?

ejheart · June 2012

As far as other options go, do any of your BMs or other friends have a place that they might not mind sharing?

As far as the mom comment, I'm kind of at a loss. That would have really bothered me, too. I actually think that maybe you should discuss it with her rather than ignoring it (because then you'll just be doing the same thing as her...letting emotions/frustration build up). Maybe you should ask her why she would suddenly hold that against you now, if she never did before. I'm betting that if you talk to her about the suddenness of her opinion, she may realize that it's a bit unfair...especially considering her timing.

juliebug1997 · June 2012

I'm sorry that your mom reacted that way.

I agree that you could have it somewhere out. La Madeline has private rooms as do lots of restaurants.

Your BMs could have it at a restaurant and host some appetizers.

karulyne · June 2012

Definitely sounds like she's more upset at you leaving her church than it having anything to to with the shower. Which IMO is not fair, you are entitled to worship or not worship wherever works best for you, it's not her place to dictate that for anyone else, I'm sure she would be upset if the situation was reversed and you tried to guilt her into dropping her church. I don't know that it would be worth having a fight over though, I'm sure she just wants what she thinks is best for you; I'd let it go and find someplace else to have your shower. You would know best whether this is a subject you need to have a heart to heart with her about or if its better to just let it go. As far as your shower maybe you could rent a room someplace, I know the Fort Worth Botanic Gardens will rent rooms or you could find a quiet restaurant, or maybe you could plan to meet at a park or something? I guess it will depend on your friends that want to host, what they feel comfortable spending and what exactly they wanted to do to celebrate. Do you have anyone else in the area that has asked if there was anything they could do to help you with, that would be invited to the shower? It might be worth asking, of course giving them an out if they aren't comfortable with the idea!

aeliza06 · June 2012

Does your apartment (or the apartments of any of your friends) have a community room that you guys could use? If not, Stephie made a great suggestion about finding a tea room or something of the like.

I am sure that is heartbreaking, especially out of the blue. It seems like it stems from something a bit more deep rooted. Hopefully you can get to the bottom of this and make amends before the big day comes. Certainly not something you want looming overhead.

Good luck!

ETA: spelling.

professorscience · June 2012

I wouldn't have your shower at a park if you can avoid it -- too hot!

Downtown Plano has a lot of little antique stores with tea rooms inside that will do morning/afternoon bridal showers. My MOH called a few of them when she was planning my shower. I think the only problem was the capacity (I think we had about 40 guests).

roseofdeborah · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_showermother-frustration?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:102Discussion:a4fab89d-57ea-440c-8a54-ffd75eb8fa95Post:9b4a7b13-6783-400a-896a-6f316c7d0402">Re: Shower/Mother Frustration</a>:
[QUOTE]As far as other options go, do any of your BMs or other friends have a place that they might not mind sharing? As far as the mom comment, I'm kind of at a loss. That would have really bothered me, too. I<strong> actually think that maybe you should discuss it with her rather than ignoring it</strong> (because then you'll just be doing the same thing as her...letting emotions/frustration build up). Maybe you should ask her why she would suddenly hold that against you now, if she never did before. I'm betting that if you talk to her about the suddenness of her opinion, she may realize that it's a bit unfair...especially considering her timing.
Posted by ejheart[/QUOTE]

This...I think this is what I will do. I really appreciate all the comments and ideas. It's hard that both of us are non-confrontational, but after a bit of the shock being gone that's most likely the best thing.

Thanks for the advice on the places! A tea room is a great idea, so is the community room at my apartment. I only have 3 BM's, one out of state and one is hosting a lingerie shower and the other is the one who lives an hour away that wants to help put this together.

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