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Asking a Non Bridesmaid to come to a dress fitting and helping me bustle my dress at the wedding

kimberlygokimberlygo member
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in Moms and Maids
I went for my first dress fitting today. My seamstress said I should bring a bridesmaid to my last fitting, so that someone knows how to bustle my dress. None of my bridesmaids are really local.  The closest one lives about 2 hours away via public transportation (we live in NYC and no one has a car). Do you think it would be weird to ask a non-bridesmaid friend to come with me to the fitting and help me bustle my dress at my wedding.  The friend I have in mind is the first and only person I would trust to do it other than one of my bridesmaids.  I just don't want her to feel like a second-rate bridesmaid or a wedding attendant.
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Re: Asking a Non Bridesmaid to come to a dress fitting and helping me bustle my dress at the wedding

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    jagore08jagore08 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Anniversary First Comment
    How is your bustle constructed?  Mine was 8 points and the ties were color coded.  I just had my sister practice bustling it the day before the wedding to make sure we had it right.  It wasn't that big of a deal.  
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    kimberlygokimberlygo member
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    My dress has a weird tulle kick, so its like a diagonal double bustle. It's a not rocket science, but its a little complicated.
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    2012FutureMrsB2012FutureMrsB member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    I have the same issue. My mom and all of my BM's live out of state so I won't see them until a couple days before the wedding. My FMIL is the only other local person, besides a couple of new friends who are not in the WP, but I'm not really close to FMIL, and honestly, I'd rather have my mom or best friends (BM's) do the bustle.

    So . . . I asked my mom about this and she came up with the idea of me hanging the dress up at the bridal salon so the back is showing and then ask the seamstress to show me how to bustle it. Then, when my mom and BM's come to town, I can repeat the process - hang it up so we can see the back and show them how to do the bustle. Sounds like a good plan to me!
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    AlmostMrsStrongAlmostMrsStrong
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    It doesn't have to be a BM. What about your mom or FMIL?
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    RaptorSLHRaptorSLH member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited January 2012
    [QUOTE] I asked my mom about this and she came up with the idea of me hanging the dress up at the bridal salon so the back is showing and then ask the seamstress to show me how to bustle it. Then, when my mom and BM's come to town, I can repeat the process - hang it up so we can see the back and show them how to do the bustle. Sounds like a good plan to me!
    Posted by 2012FutureMrsB[/QUOTE]
    <div>This is what I'm going to do.  I would feel uncomfortable asking a friend who wasn't in the wedding party to do this.  "You're not important enough for me to honor you with a title and have you stand by my side, but I guess you're good enough to help me dress like a maid."  Ugh.  </div><div>
    </div><div>I also agree with Mrs Strong.  If my mother were local or my FMIL had a healthy back, I'd be asking one of them.</div>
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    Simply FatedSimply Fated member
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    I definitely like the idea of having the woman show you how to bustle the dress. This way, you can show who ever is going to be with you at the wedding how to do it. FWIW, I've seen venue bridal attendants bustle dresses many times and they've never had a problem. I myself have figured it out without a lesson. So, don't stress if no one can be there. I'm sure the women who will be with you that day are clever enough to figure it out. :)
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    graysquirrelgraysquirrel member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    If your mom, FMIL, or close female relative is around, I would ask them. I would feel somewhat used if a friend aske me to be her bustle person but not in the WP. I also like the idea of having them teach you how to do it to show others. If you have a video camera or that function on your phone you could even record it for people.
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    AdeleDazeemAdeleDazeem member
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    Bustling a dress is not complicated.  Just have the seamstress show you and then you show whoever you want.  Really... you're way overthinking this.

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    pretzelgrrlpretzelgrrl member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_asking-non-bridesmaid-come-dress-fitting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:6a38185a-272e-4cc1-9368-4f804c9eb08bPost:737f430e-83de-4f07-8e77-ff564284bac5">Re: Asking a Non Bridesmaid to come to a dress fitting and helping me bustle my dress at the wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]I definitely like the idea of having the woman show you how to bustle the dress. This way, you can show who ever is going to be with you at the wedding how to do it. FWIW, I've seen venue bridal attendants bustle dresses many times and they've never had a problem. I myself have figured it out without a lesson. So, don't stress if no one can be there. I'm sure the women who will be with you that day are clever enough to figure it out. :)
    Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

    This is what happened to me...my mom learned how to bustle my dresss but then due to health problems she had to bring my dad home....I figured I would just wear the dress ling but then the venue bridal attendant came over and didi it for me :)
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    calindicalindi member
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    I'm doing this, but I do think it's a bit different because I have no bridesmaids (my brother is my brother-of-honor, and he's located 2000 miles away).  We literally only have 2-3 guests who are local to where I live, so I've asked one of them to come with me to dress fittings.  She feels special because she's included in the process, and she's thrilled to have a 'special job' of doing the bustle.  I am going to give her a gift certificate for a mani/pedi to thank her.

    However, I can definitely see someone getting their feathers ruffled if they aren't in the bridal party but are asked to help you out.  It's all about judging the situation as it really is and doing what will work best in the long run.  These ladies had a great suggestion about seeing how to do it yourself - my Mom suggested having the ladies videotape it in the shop so she could watch it and learn.

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    jemmini6jemmini6 member
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    I don't think it'd be awful for you to ask a non-BM to come with you, but I also don't think it's the best idea since it could come off like a second-rate 'job'.

    Do you have a point and shoot camera that takes video?  Perhaps you can have your seamstress video her doing up the bustle, so it looks like what your BM would see the day of.
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    harpsdesireharpsdesire member
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    edited February 2012
    I was a 'non-Bridesmaid dress fittings helper' for one of my friends, and a 'non-bridemaid centerpiece maker' for another.  Iit did hurt my feelings slightly that I was 'second string', but pretty soon I realized it was nice to at least be included in some way and help out the ladies I care so much about.

    But it does sort of suck to be that girl.  Twice.
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