I need your help,,,not sure about changing my name!!

sarap819 · June 2010

Hey ladies!!
I am currently a teacher and pursuing a Masters of Science degree and continuing onto a PhD program. I want to keep a professional name aka my maiden name. But then I want to take his last name too. What do you suggest?? I do not want to hyphen. But I heard of a thing of having two last names, one professional and one for casual. Does anyone know how that works?? Please help ladies I have 3 months till my big day and graduation is coming fast so I need to know what name to put on my diploma!!

SteveandKris · June 2010

if you're not married before graduation, i'm pretty sure you'll still have your maiden name on your diploma.

that being said, do you really want a bunch of strangers on a website voting on your last name? do your last names work well together? as in Sara (drop middle middle name) maiden name FI last name? Do you want to continue to teach as Sara Last Name and socially be known as Sara FI last name. Generally, I think people will address you as Mrs. Fi's last name, even if you don't legally change it.

Are you published? Also, wedding night is not the deadline for change your name.

Professionally, especially since published, I will be Dr. Maiden Name, but I'm sure that people will call me Mrs. FI's last name. Whether I "legally/officially" change that to Kris maiden name Fi's last name (and drop my middle name) I don't know.

aggiebug · June 2010

If I were you. and you really want to keep your maiden name professionally I think I would not leagally change your name but just socially use his last name. I think it would be a little more odd (and confusing) to officially change your last name but maintain your maiden name professionally.

Most likely your email will be tied to the name on your paperwork (legal name) and your papers should probably go under a legal name not a pseudo name.

So unless you keep your maiden as your middle name and eek by that way. I would either completely take his last name or just do so socially.

Are you going to have kids? do you caer about having a different last name than them?

hckaczyn · June 2010

I have a lot of female professors who go by their maiden name professionally because their husbands also work in the university, to avoid confusion (or for other reasons.) You could just add his name to yours and use one name for certain social circles and your married name for the others.

steffydolly · June 2010

Hyphenating legally allows you to publish maiden and casually go by your husbands last name. It also will save headaches when traveling on the institutions' dime because you will have both names on your id's.

sarap819 · June 2010

Thank you ladies for your input!! I have some time to make up my mind, my diploma is not going to be pressed until October so at least I should know by then! But thanks again for your help!!

rachel_elizabeth1124 · June 2010

Going casually by one last name and professionally by another just sounds confusing and not worth the trouble. Hyphenating will truly give you the best of both worlds.

To be honest, have you discussed this with your FI? How does he feel about it? I think his opinion would mean a lot more than a bunch of people on a message board.

carolynnmarieg · July 2010

It seems like you got the response that you need, but I thought you might care to know that I'm planning to go for:

Carolynn Mare [Maiden Name] [FI's Last Name]

I'm not taking anything away, just adding another one. But I'm getting married before I graduate and my Maiden Name is way more common than FI's Name and I'm as yet unpublished...but then I could still professionally go by Dr. Maiden Name

Good luck, it's a big decision!

CharliO · July 2010

Do what feels right and sounds right. Honestly. We had a courthouse wedding a month ago and I just dropped his last name in front of my first name. No hyphen. I loathe hyphens. I've heard it will make things difficult for me, having two last names - but I don't really care. I like having my last name and I like having his. The way I see it, you can refer to yourself however the heck you want. And you can make it as complicated or uncomplicated as you want.
Read up on Crescent Dragonwagon. A name is just a name. It's not who you are.

shoegal715 · July 2010

Change your last name now to your middle name, that way your degrees still read both your married and maiden names.

Or you can always just assume his name and keep your old name.

goldenaurie · July 2010

Some husbands-to-be feel it is insulting to marry them and not drop your maiden name for theirs. Talk with him and see how he feels. Does his name sounds that goofy that you don't want to use it professionally? I would think you get more respect in a classroom if you are called Mrs. as opposed to Miss. Personally, I would take his name on and drop my maiden name.

sarap819 · July 2010

Well it is not that his name sounds goofy or I dont want his name. It is actually because I am from an immigrant family, I have many siblings, cousins, etc. But yet I am the first to be successful in school and professionally and I feel it is important to carry my maiden name to shine success on my family. My fiance said it was totally up to me because he is understanding of the situation.

vintage610 · July 2010

As far as I know, you can keep both surnames without hyphenating them. Technically, your maiden name just becomes one of your given names. You would be "Mary Jane Smith Jones." Then you could use your maiden name as your publishing and professional name (after all, your publishing name is not always the name you are known to family and friends by. Many authors publish under alternate names i.e. bell hooks), and you can still be called Mrs. Jones personally. This is actually what I plan to do.

samantha buck · July 2010

It's not even a question for me...the female is to take the man's name.

DramaGeek · September 2010

My name is Laura Rae Maiden Married. Maiden Married is my last name, the one I use socially. However, I am also a teacher and my students call me Ms. Married because it's what I'm most comfortable with.

H is now actually pushing for me to drop his name and go back to Laura Rae Maiden since it is what I use the most often. I will say that having two last names, especially without a hyphen, can be a PITA.

I need your help,,,not sure about changing my name!!

Re: I need your help,,,not sure about changing my name!!

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