Hi There! I'm Denae, and my fiance and I just got engaged (12/12/12, seven years to the day of our first date - I got one that's better at anniversaries than I am!). I knew it was coming since we went ring shopping back in July together, but it was still a wonderful surprise and a perfect evening. I've spent the past week fielding all the "what are your plans?!?!?!" questions, am feeling wedding burnout already, and we haven't even set a date yet! Neither of us are interested in a huge wedding or anything fancy. Probably outdoor, cooler weather, absolute max of 50 people, if that. I'm also not one of those girls that has dreamed about her wedding/dress/details all her life, so I have literally no idea what we're going to do - it's all a blank slate right now other than cheap and small. I'm excited to see what we can put together. 
Now my dilemma: We've talked on and off about getting married and not telling anyone over the years simply for health insurance purposes - I have some pretty hefty medical issues and I must have insurance at all times. In the past it slipped away as an idea, since I had a job and was insured myself, however I've been unemployed since September, and we'd kicked around the idea to get me onto his insurance. Well, after the proposal he asked if I wanted to get married before the end of the year so I can hop on his insurance January 1, and do the wedding ceremony down the road with family and friends. I have no qualms about marrying him, and didn't have an issue with doing so, except for one thing. (Please forgive the longwindedness in advance...I think it turned into me just getting this off my chest somewhere safe!)
I am incredibly close to my father, and an only child. My mom passed when I was 4, and so he and I have been the dynamic duo ever since. My fiance and my father get along about 95% of the time - the only time they clash is when they're both trying to be alpha males, or if I give too much attention to the fiance while the dad is in town. But we have a generally decent balance - fiance asked dad for permission to propose, he said yes, all excited, etc. So it's not so bad. My qualm about doing the whole "secret marriage license" bit was that I felt like I had to talk to my dad first - not for permission, but for guidance - basically to point out if there was any huge flaw in our plan that we just weren't seeing. The fiance wasn't huge on this, but we agreed to talk to our respective parents and ask them to keep it quiet. I honestly didn't think it would be that difficult...
So we talked to the parental units separately, everyone thought it was a fine idea and ok with it (though my dad is understandably grumpy that he won't be there). We're scheduled to get married tomorrow morning (gotta get it done before the end of the world, right?). Then I get a facebook message from the fiance's aunt along the lines of "We heard you were eloping! How exciting! Congratulations!"
Ugh. So much for discretion.
Am I crazy for being upset about this? I really wanted this to be a quiet thing because I am terrified that people will ask things like "Well why bother having a wedding now?" "Or, well they're already married, so this is just a chance to show off or a waste of money." Worse yet, I'm worried that people won't want to come to the wedding! We aren't planning anything big - 50 people MAX and probably less, and if people opt out because we're already married....meh! We both have engagement rings (mine traditionally worn on my left hand, he's wearing his on his right so as not to get asked about marriage), and just want this to be a special thing between us. I'm not sure how to handle all of this. Maybe it's just the overwhelming flood of everything wedding that's been thrown at me the past week, but I'm breaking down already. I want to be excited, but now I'm worried about who knows, who doesn't know, what do I say ("Yes, we're engaged!" or "Yes, we're married!). It's a whole lot of nonsense. Mabye I'm just worrying too much about offending other people?
Thanks for listening!