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Pre-Wedding Party for Out-Of-Town Wedding

ccalupasccalupas
in Pre-wedding Parties

I understand the etiquette for pre-wedding parties - showers, bachelor/ette parties - are to have people invited to both.  We want a smaller wedding, but still want to celebrate with those that we just can't invite because of our budget or those that won't be able to come because of the travel expenses involved and inconvenience.  What do we do? 

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Re: Pre-Wedding Party for Out-Of-Town Wedding

  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_pre-wedding-party-out-of-town-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:5c239267-0952-40a0-ad28-89ab73169558Post:08d99507-1bb5-4174-8071-6970208580a5">Pre-Wedding Party for Out-Of-Town Wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]I understand the etiquette for pre-wedding parties - showers, bachelor/ette parties - are to have people invited to both.  We want a smaller wedding, but still want to celebrate with those that we just can't invite because of our budget or those that won't be able to come because of the travel expenses involved and inconvenience.  What do we do? 
    Posted by ccalupas[/QUOTE]

    You don't have the parties.  One of the consequences to choosing a smaller destination wedding is that you forgo some other things, including pre-wedding parties.

    Etiquette says that only those who are invited to the wedding are invited to any other wedding related.  So if you're not inviting someone to the wedding, they can't be invited to a shower or b-party.

    Life is about choices and then accepting the consequences of the decisions we make.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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  • kmg977kmg977 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    It sucks but dont have the parties.  I had a friend that did this and everyone then assumed they were invited to the wedding.  It was a slap in the face when they then did not get an invite after they helped them celebrate.  If your budgets small and its a small wedding, then your showers and other parties for the wedding are small to.  Good luck.
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  • duckie1905duckie1905 member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Sorry but unless you plan to increase your guestlist size you only invite wedding guests to pre wedding parties.  I understand your desire to celebrate with everyone but you decided to have a smaller wedding.  Accepting that you will either have small or no pre-wedding parties goes along with that decision.
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  • SuMmErKuTiESuMmErKuTiE member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Ditto all the pp's the only people who should be invited to pre-wedding parties are people who will also be invited to the wedding itself. You shouldn't invite people to come celebrate something that they can't even come attend.
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  • alewpandaalewpanda member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    If you still want to celebrate with other people, then throw a reception or get together later.  Do not ask for gifts, only that everyone come and enjoy themselves.  If you're already having a small reception along with the small ceremony, this will be an added expense, but the only way to have a "wedding" party with the people that didn't make it onto the wedding invite list.
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  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited December 2011
    PP is slightly incorrect.

    It's not about requesting gifts.  Just don't call it a "wedding" function.

    People have parties and picnics all the time.  Just don't name a reason for having one.
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  • ashleyhurt86ashleyhurt86 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I guess it sucks for those of us who refuse to put ourselves in massive debt to have a wedding...we don't get any of the other fun stuff too
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