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family ceremony?

futuremrsmurpheyfuturemrsmurphey member
First Comment
in Wedding Vows & Ceremony Discussions
has anyone had a or been to a wedding with a family ceremony?

where the parents have vows to the kid[s] and vice versa?

my fiance is adopting my daughter and we plan to do this?

I am just wondering if it will be awkward. it wont to us.

thanks, got weird reviews from other people. :)
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Re: family ceremony?

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    PeavyPeavy member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    The only two people getting married are you and your fiance, so you two are the only ones for whom vows are appropriate.  The child should not be part of the wedding ceremony.  Frankly, I think it's a little creepy.
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    DramaGeekDramaGeek member
    5 Love Its First Comment

    At a friend's wedding, her now-husband made promises to the kids.  There was no expectation that the kids would make vows to him, but they both wanted to say something.  It was very, very sweet but I think it could have also been very awkward had the children been forced to do it.

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    itzMSitzMS member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment

    You could have a special presentation of a gift to your child(ren) at the reception like a piece of jewelry or a keepsake to remember the day. Maybe a special dance as well. Of course, I would only do this if your child(ren) want to.

    I would keep your marriage ceremony about you and FI though.

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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment

    I think it would be great for your husband to do something special during the cermony to acknowledge your daugher. Like the one poster said maybe present her with a ring or necklace (I would say pendant because she can move it to different length chains as she grows up) that she can keep as a special memory. I do understand where other people are saying kids shouldn't be involved, but my feeling is that he's not just accepting you as his family with the wedding, he is accepting your daughter as part of his family too (even if he wasn't going to adopt her) and you are accepting him as a father figure in her life. So do something special to acknowledge that portion I don't think is wrong. I'm sure I'll get a lot of slack for this, but oh well.

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    calliopeia2013calliopeia2013 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    I'm of the opinion that a wedding ceremony should be between consenting adults.  I'm one of those folks that finds the idea of making kids part of a ceremony, when they may feel pressured into it (after all, most kids will do a lot to make their mom happy?), kind of creepy.  I understand the impulse, and it's a loving one, but I think that any declaration of the blending of families beyond the two people getting married should be done in private.
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    kmmssgkmmssg mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Agree with Retread that a child should NEVER have vows in someones wedding.  It is fine if you guys want to promise her you will always be there for her, but this is your wedding and she should not have to make promises or say vows.  When the kids get involved like that, it is down right creepy.
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    Riss91Riss91 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    I think a wedding ceremony and vows should be separate. If you want to do something special for your children, choose a different date and do something together. Don't smoosh it with your wedding.

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    lpprudencelpprudence member
    First Comment
    I was a MOH at a wedding where the officiant asked the 3 yr old son of the bride if it was cool for her to marry the groom. He gave a thumbs up and the groom gave one back. It was light hearted and did not take away from the couples' vows.
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    itzMSitzMS member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_family-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:fafa1616-c262-418c-9c80-cda288467c6ePost:48b7c691-ca01-4e5a-a41d-da817b2c8729">Re: family ceremony?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I was a MOH at a wedding where the officiant asked the 3 yr old son of the bride if it was cool for her to marry the groom. He gave a thumbs up and the groom gave one back. It was light hearted and did not take away from the couples' vows.
    Posted by lpprudence[/QUOTE]

    Cute story, but I can only imagine what would've happened if the little boy said NO or worse, started crying!!!
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    lpprudencelpprudence member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_family-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:fafa1616-c262-418c-9c80-cda288467c6ePost:c3cf78c7-06f2-45a0-9fd1-202b513e0f8d">Re: family ceremony?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: family ceremony? : Cute story, but I can only imagine what would've happened if the little boy said NO or worse, started crying!!!
    Posted by itzMS[/QUOTE]

    The original plan was for him to say something but he had a meltdown at the rehearsal, so yes it could have been messy. Lots of prep is needed.
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User]
    First Comment
    I have mixed feelings about this. My father is getting re-married in a month and it would definitely be awkard if his fiance wrote vows to me, and I had to say something back it'd be akward even if I didn't have to say anything back.I personally think that the ceremony should just be between the bride and groom. I understand wanting to aknowledge the kid(s) on such a special day, but I think there's a more appropriate time for that. I hope this helps and that you find a way to do what you're looking to do. 
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    zrlindsayzrlindsay
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_family-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:fafa1616-c262-418c-9c80-cda288467c6ePost:da176963-6126-4eb4-820a-6ff10789754d">family ceremony?</a>:
    [QUOTE]has anyone had a or been to a wedding with a family ceremony? where the parents have vows to the kid[s] and vice versa? my fiance is adopting my daughter and we plan to do this? I am just wondering if it will be awkward. it wont to us. thanks, got weird reviews from other people. :)
    Posted by futuremrsmurphey[/QUOTE]
     I am not sure about the vow part but I have 2 children ages 14 & 11 & we will be doing a sand unity with the kids included. A lot of people do things to incorporate the children in the wedding after all this is an event that will change their lives as well. My children are not being forced & actually are happy to be included.
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    Julie2013Julie2013
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    When my husband and I eloped 15 years ago, we had my almost-4 yo son with us. After we said our vows, my husband told my son thanks for letting him into our little family and gave my son a necklace that he's still got today. It wasn't a ceremony and no vows were made, but it was meaningful to us.
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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Having your child at the ceremony is one thing...but I don't think I'd ask the children to say anything that could be construed as a "vow."
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