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Dress regret???

lisamforrestlisamforrest member
First Comment
in 40-Plus Brides

HELP - I am literally obsessing about my dress and that I don't seem to look good in anything!  I had a bad dress shopping experience and ended up purchasing a strapless, fit and flare, lace and silk organza.  Then I saw a picture of myself in it and I look like a stuffed sausage (or at least I think I do).  I went this past weekend and found a very plain, sweetheart neckline, strapless, full skirt.  I realize I'm not comparing apples to apples but my question is:  is a full skirt too "young" for a 48 year old 2nd bride?  The first dress was very expensive and the second is not (clearly the fabric is better on the first, lace etc.).  I just feel so old, ugly and stuffed sausage.  I am 5'8" and 150lbs and I do work out but unfortunately while, I've been trying seem to be stuck where I'm at so I need to plan that I will look like I do today in 4 months (hopefully at least not worse).  My other fear is that I have alot of freckles on my chest, arms and back and think there is just "too much" going on with the first dress.  The dress is GORGEOUS - I'm just not sure if it is on me.  I am literally in tears over it all, please share any thoughts as I need to move on to other planning!  Should I get a different dress that is not as WOW but that I feel more comfortable in?  Thank you.

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Re: Dress regret???

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    coralee715coralee715 member
    First Comment
    Where what you feel comfortable in.

    ps - freckles are beautiful!

    150# is not fat either.  I'm 5'5" and weigh 245.  I was a 2nd time bride last fall and I wore a strapless a-line and I have never felt more beautiful!
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    lisamforrestlisamforrest member
    First Comment
    and you look beautiful!  thank you for your encouragement.
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    SaraB102SaraB102
    First Comment
    First, take a very slow, controlled, deep breath.  Something about the first dress made you feel good, or you wouldn't have chosen it to begin with.  I am not the most svelte post-40 bride either, but my dress (a fit-n-flare, no less) makes me feel sexy and beautiful and I can hardly wait to see the look on FIs face when he gets a gander of me in it.  What people are going to see on your wedding day, and even years later in photos are two people very much in love and excited to join their lives together.  Bottom line:  If you like the first dress, keep it.  And then do what most brides around here recommend:  STOP LOOKING! :) 

    And yeah, freckles are beautiful.  I don't even mind my age spots showing in my dress. :P
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    handfast4mehandfast4me member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    I never loved my dress. I could never find one I liked bu t fi (now dh) loved it on me so it was ok. Yes, I took him dress shopping with me. I'm 5'6" and was about 140 at that time. My problem was a bit different, I'm a former competitive bodybuilder. So a lot of dresses just didn't look right. I have broad shoulders and a big back and biceps. My advice is to give the dress shopping a rest for a while. I was advised to do that but didn't. I had dress fever and just wanted a dress. I don't regret that dress, but I do regret that I didn't love it. So, take a break, don't look at any dresses for a few weeks, and then when you decide, don't look at any more dresses. You're done. I kept looking and found a few dresses with the "I wish I had seen that" but in the end, I was married to a great guy and that the important thing.
    image Don't mess with the old dogs; age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.
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    lisamforrestlisamforrest member
    First Comment
    Thank you!  I really appreciate your kind words.  You will be stunning!
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    Lisa50Lisa50 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment

    Honestly, with what's coming across as a very negative body image,, do you think it is possible for you to like your appearance in any dress?  I think, if you begin feeling better about your body, you may begin feeling better about the dress you've already chosen.  Best of luck!

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    bezelpupbezelpup member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    I also ended up with a strapless fit and flare even though I would never have thought that would look good on me! I went shopping with all these "rules" about what a 40 year old, second time around bride should wear. And I broke all of them. I was a bit nervous on how form fitted it was but wearing the right slip underneath made a big difference. Have you considered adding thick straps or cap sleeves? That may make you feel less "exposed" if you are uncomfortable.
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    denverbride12denverbride12 member
    First Comment
    I had bad dress regret,went out to a bridal store and violated the cardinal rule of "STOP LOOKING."   One thing I noticed in trying on in the bridal store was that they squeezed me into things that were clearly NOT my size (16 or 18) and expected me to imagine how I would look in the real thing all the time pressuring me to buy something. It's hard to be realistic in that atmosphere. Do step back and look at this situation objectively or find one friend who can.  Were you trying on a ill fitting sample or the actual dress you are going to wear? Alterations can make you look like a princess, seriously. Who took the picture and at what angle? Fuzzy cell phone pictures all suck.  Did you get pressured into buying something or can you remember a moment where you liked the way you looked and felt in that dress?  I realized after going shopping that the dress I bought originally (gently used and an amazing bargain of $200 for a handmade designer gown in my size) was my dress.  Good luck!!
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    lisamforrestlisamforrest member
    First Comment
    Thank you!  I actually bought the sample since they couldn't get the dress in in time for my wedding in June. I'm taking it this afternoon to a seamstress to see if she can address my concerns.  If she can I'm keeping my dress and not looking any more.  I know what you mean about trying to fit in smaller dresses.  I think part of my problem is that I didn't have a good consultant.  For one dress I couldn't even get it past my thighs and she said "I'll hold it up and you can use your imagination".  I was stunned!  It was a $5,000 gown!  I was like "there is NO WAY I am spending that kind of money on a dress I have to use my imagination on and can't even get on!"  You are correct on the pictures - Blackberry isn't best so if I decide to keep the dress, I'm erasing the picture and moving on.  Hopefully my concerns will be addressed today and I'll be once again happy with my selection.  Thanks so much for your kind words.
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    denverbride12denverbride12 member
    First Comment
    I think we are all dying to know how it turned out yesterday!  Please let us know...I hope you were able to come to terms with your dress and that the alterations professional could help you to see it in a whole new light.  Wishing you the best of luck!!! 
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User]
    First Comment
    I love my dress and I knew if I had a picture of myself in it I would obsess and find all the things wrong so my MOH took a picture to show her daughter and then I erased it!
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    lisamforrestlisamforrest member
    First Comment
    Hi everyone!  Sorry for the delayed response.  I took my dress to an alterations person and I am thrilled to let you all know, it is my dress and I'm definitely feeling much better about it!  The alternations are going to be extensive but once I put the dress back on I knew it was my dress.  So excited again.  I am deleting the picture of me in it so I'll just stop obsessing but have kept the one of the dress hanging.  I've started looking at shoes and accessories.  Thanks to all for your encouragement and support!
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    denverbride12denverbride12 member
    First Comment
    So happy it turned out well for you.  You will have to post a picture for us of your dress when you get it back from alterations.  Back to ribbon tying...I am beginning to hate all ribbon!
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    mejai1mejai1
    First Comment
    I would love to see you in your dress! Imagine how FI will feel when he sees you for the first time.  Can't wait to see a pic!
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