Change of date?

mtrosales · May 2012

So I've been having struggles [http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_raaaannnnttt] planning my good friend (and also my MOH)'s bridal shower.

Currently, the shower is planned for a Sunday. That particular Sunday is the day of the Indy 500. One of the BMs apparently thinks the race is more important and already told the bride she couldn't be at the shower. Someone else voiced concerns about traffic (really, the location of the shower is not very close to the track).
I don't know if this is passive aggressive or not, but the list is already 30+... and I was glad that we decided on this day because I'd hoped it would cut the final list down.

She very recently (like, today) told me she got the entire bridal shower weekend off.
She suggested changing the day to Saturday. I reeeeeally, reeeeally don't want to. I have not printed or mailed invitations, but was planning to start them this evening.
If we changed to Saturday, there would be no 'traffic concerns,' and the other BM (who I am really not the biggest fan of :x) could come.
Also, the bachelorette party is Friday.

I firmly (attempted firmly, anyway ha) explained to her that I would feel more comfortable keeping the original date... she didn't seem angry, but she didn't seem plesased either. I know her, and I know she was trying very hard not to push it.

After we got off the phone, I immediately felt guilty.

Thoughts? Change the date or keep it?

Sephiroth · May 2012

I understand the bride's reasons for wanting to change the date. What are your reasons for wanting to keep the date as is?

Katelyn89 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_change-of-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f426db1f-9fb6-479c-9abc-6e07ffb5ae7aPost:cb8b4b3a-165b-4216-9d15-3e04988da930">Change of date?</a>:
[QUOTE]So I've been having struggles [ <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_raaaannnnttt]">http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_raaaannnnttt]</a> planning my good friend (and also my MOH)'s bridal shower. Currently, the shower is planned for a Sunday. That particular Sunday is the day of the Indy 500. One of the BMs apparently thinks the race is more important and already told the bride she couldn't be at the shower. Others have voiced concerns about traffic (really, the location of the shower is not very close to the track). I don't know if this is passive aggressive or not, but the list is already 30+... and I was glad that we decided on this day because I'd hoped it would cut the final list down. She very recently (like, today) told me she got the entire bridal shower weekend off. She suggested changing the day to Saturday. I reeeeeally, reeeeally don't want to. I have not printed or mailed invitations, but was planning to start them this evening. If we changed to Saturday, there would be no 'traffic concerns,' and the other BM (who I am really not the biggest fan of :x) could come. Also, the bachelorette party is Friday. I firmly ( attempted firmly, anyway ha) explained to her that I would feel more comfortable keeping the original date... she didn't seem angry, but she didn't seem plesased either. I know her, and I know she was trying very hard not to push it. After we got off the phone, I immediately felt guilty. Thoughts? Change the date or keep it?
Posted by mtrosales[/QUOTE]

What's your reason for not changing it other than keeping the guest list down? I can understand why the bride would want it changed to the date she thought more people can come. Since it seems that Saturday works for more people, why not?

lyndausvi · May 2012

I think your reason for keeping it on a Sunday is lame.

Sephiroth · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_change-of-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f426db1f-9fb6-479c-9abc-6e07ffb5ae7aPost:79475073-a061-4f55-bcc9-9be7026bdc11">Re: Change of date?</a>:
[QUOTE]Hold up, the original date works for the bride, but not one of the BMs? Keep the date.
Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]

I thought the 'she' that was asking for the date change *was* the bride. Now I'm confused!

mtrosales · May 2012

The list is 30+ people, some of which are not even invited to the wedding; others (who the bride has never met), the groom invited verbally.
Friday is the bachelorette party. I'd prefer not to feel rushed, and not have anyone hungover, the day of the shower.

I guess those are my only real reasons.

mtrosales · May 2012

Yeeeah, the bride asked if I'd prefer to change the date.
The BM is going to the race on Sunday, not the bridal shower.

lyndausvi · May 2012

The Indy 500 is on Memorial day weekend. I think you are asking a lot of guests to attend 2 pre-wedding events in the same weekend. Let alone them being 2 days apart AND it's a holiday. At least if it's on a Saturday they can have 2 free days back-to-back.

mbody · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_change-of-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f426db1f-9fb6-479c-9abc-6e07ffb5ae7aPost:bdacdc73-bd26-4b12-aef2-6011e41fafc6">Re: Change of date?</a>:
[QUOTE]The list is 30+ people, <strong>some of which are not even invited to the wedding</strong>; others (who the bride has never met), the groom invited verbally. Friday is the bachelorette party. I'd prefer not to feel rushed, and not have anyone hungover, the day of the shower. I guess those are my only real reasons.
Posted by mtrosales[/QUOTE]
Hold up. Anyone invited to the shower, must be invited to the wedding.

Who is asking for the date change? bride? or BM?
If the bride can make the original date, I'd keep it at that. No one day is going to work for everyone. If you change it to Saturday, other people might not be able to make it than can make it on Sunday.

Sephiroth · May 2012

1) It sounds like a number of people have voiced concerns about the traffic. Just because the bridal shower location isn't itself close to the track doesn't mean that traffic won't substantially affect people trying to get from Unknown Location X to the shower. It's a compelling reason to consider changing the date.

2) The bride would prefer it be on Saturday. That's a compelling reason to change the date. Maybe she has the same concerns about traffic, or maybe she'd prefer to have the other BM there.

3) O/T Why are people being invited to this shower that aren't invited to the wedding?

At any rate, I would change the date. Your reasons do not seem nearly as compelling as the reasons to change it.

mtrosales · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_change-of-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f426db1f-9fb6-479c-9abc-6e07ffb5ae7aPost:73b27678-4908-40bd-ad40-30216a15958e">Re: Change of date?</a>:
[QUOTE]The Indy 500 is on Memorial day weekend. I think you are asking a lot of guests to attend 2 pre-wedding events in the same weekend. Let alone them being 2 days apart AND it's a holiday. At least if it's on a Saturday they can have 2 free days back-to-back.
Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]

I see what you mean. I was put in charge of the shower. Another BM and the bride planned the bachelorette party. I would have preferred to have it sooner than that weekend.
I think she'd prefer the date change so the other BM could be there.
I'm probably just feeling resentful because of the guest list drama. -__-

MyUserName1 · May 2012

Mbody, read the link OP posted. She's more upset about the people not invited to the wedding being invited to the shower than any of us are.

I'd keep the original date, too. Can you come up with a really good reason to tell her why you can't move it?

MattsPenguin · May 2012

I know you didn't ask, but why not have the bachelorette on Saturday night? That makes a bit more sense.

Other than that, I don't know if it's right to not change the date to accommodate everyone.

Kate61487 · May 2012

Assuming you're not going to lose out on any kind of deposit by switching I'd remind the bride that she may not want to be hungover for her own shower, and if she still wants it Saturday you should switch.

Really your driver is that you're not pleased with the size of the guest list, and if that's the case you need to be upfront with the bride about what you can and can't do. If the guest list is too large you need to tell her and cut some people.

mtrosales · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_change-of-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f426db1f-9fb6-479c-9abc-6e07ffb5ae7aPost:45438fca-db4c-4c68-a50b-36a632576d35">Re: Change of date?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Change of date? : <strong> Hold up. Anyone invited to the shower, must be invited to the wedding. </strong>Who is asking for the date change? bride? or BM? If the bride can make the original date, I'd keep it at that. No one day is going to work for everyone. If you change it to Saturday, other people might not be able to make it than can make it on Sunday.
Posted by mbody[/QUOTE]

Please. Explain that to the bride and groom -- because I've tried. Multiple times. I'd posted two threads already [linked to one above].

The bride asked for the date change. She can make the original date.

mbody · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_change-of-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f426db1f-9fb6-479c-9abc-6e07ffb5ae7aPost:b22a802c-3bfb-451a-a37e-2a3e4d51d626">Re: Change of date?</a>:
[QUOTE]Mbody, read the link OP posted. She's more upset about the people not invited to the wedding being invited to the shower than any of us are. I'd keep the original date, too. Can you come up with a really good reason to tell her why you can't move it?
Posted by MyUserName1[/QUOTE]
I didn't see her link in her OP. I skimmed too quickly.

Yikes! I wonder if the bride stepped in at all to talk with her groomzilla to try to talk some sense into him.

OP, I guess since the bride would prefer to have it on Saturday, then I'd change the date for her.

mbody · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_change-of-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f426db1f-9fb6-479c-9abc-6e07ffb5ae7aPost:f2e11c50-3928-4ce9-8836-921c4d919af5">Re: Change of date?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Change of date? : Please. Explain that to the bride and groom -- because I've tried. Multiple times. I'd posted two threads already [linked to one above]. The bride asked for the date change. She can make the original date.
Posted by mtrosales[/QUOTE]
Wow. I did see one of the links yesterday. Sorry you're dealing with that. Oh well though, you warned her. If she doesn't care about totally being side-eyed by those people, then nothing much more you can do.

mtrosales · May 2012

Sigh. I appreciate everyone talking it out with me!
I know my fiance is over it, lol.

mtrosales · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_change-of-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f426db1f-9fb6-479c-9abc-6e07ffb5ae7aPost:59179ed5-3dea-41ed-9cdc-05cb5d8a0ede">Re: Change of date?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Change of date? : How close and what time is the shower? The race is at Noon this year. This means traffic is going to be a PITA around/near the track all morning. They also route traffic after the race if different patterns to make leaving easier, so it screws things up in the afternoon as well. If anyone is coming from OOT and needs a hotel toom, they should jump on it now. I'd change the date to Sat if the bride is OK with it.
Posted by ILoveMilkDuds[/QUOTE]

Shower is in Avon at 2 p.m.
There are no OOT guests, luckily.

mtrosales · May 2012

Would it be weird to do the shower Saturday day, then go out that night for the party?

Aunts and cousins make up most of the shower's list. I'm pretty sure the bachelorette party will only consist of the BP and maybe a couple more of the bride's friends.

MattsPenguin · May 2012

I've gone to at least two where we do the shower in the afternoon, and then relax for a while before going out in the evening for a the bachelorette party. (only friends and mothers went to the BP)

Now for those, most everyone was out of town, so we all relaxed together. I don't know if it would be weirder to go home and spend a few hours between the two.

mtrosales · May 2012

The shower is being held at another BM's house.. so we could just clean up afterward, go home or hang out the rest of the afternoon/get ready together.. then head out. I will run that by her. Then, the BM who is going to the race Sunday can come to the shower afterall.. and no one will be hungover or out of it! ha

LDubHawksFan · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_change-of-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f426db1f-9fb6-479c-9abc-6e07ffb5ae7aPost:7d054f67-562f-473f-9b16-32fb4c2b5f22">Re: Change of date?</a>:
[QUOTE]Would it be weird to do the shower Saturday day, then go out that night for the party? Aunts and cousins make up most of the shower's list. I'm pretty sure the bachelorette party will only consist of the BP and maybe a couple more of the bride's friends.
Posted by mtrosales[/QUOTE]
I like this idea the best! Don't make everyone have to attend a bunch of things throughout the weekend.

myname1234 · May 2012

If the bride wants it moved, I'd move it. I guess I can't relate to planning around a hangover. I learned a few decades ago how to handle my liquor ;-)

Also, BM that's going to the race shouldn't be slammed. Indy tickets are expensive and she is NOT required to attend pre-wedding events anyway.

ETA: the idea of shower, change, then out is a great one! Only 1 day taken up on a holiday weekend that way.

mtrosales · May 2012

She LOVED the idea! Problem solved. Woohoo!

[And not that it matters now, but the BM going to the race over the shower thing just really bugged me because, aside from me, she is the bride's longest and closest friend.
And we've lived in Indy our entire lives, missing out on one race just shouldn't be a big deal. She's not even a racing fan. People our age usually just go for the party atmosphere.]

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