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I'm never having children

jaycee7389jaycee7389
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in Not Engaged Yet
I am never going to be able to be a parent. I have too much anxiety about a grown man, how am I going to handle worrying about my children!?!

FI's phone always dies and it is always at the worst times. He text me at 8 and said he was leaving in a few minutes to come home (25 mins away) and still isn't here. Of course his phone is dead and I have no way to get a hold of him.

I seriously wish I could ground him. That sounds crazy, but I get so worked up that something happened..and he doesn't seem to get how it makes me feel.

I've tried telling him on a few different occasions that if his phone is going to die he needs to let me know where he is somehow. It does not take 2 hours to get home, so where the hell is he. UGH!!!!

Does anyone else's bf/fi/h do this shiit? What can I do to get through to him? I'm honestly considering purposely turning my phone off someday and not telling him where I am so he can see how it feels. /immature rant.
5/27/12
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Re: I'm never having children

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    peekaboo2011peekaboo2011 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    FI was supposed to at least text me after his training and before his shift started tonight.  The restaurant closed 15 minutes ago.  I haven't talked to him (or gotten a text from him) since 1030 this morning.  And he has no excuse.  

    Men=stupid.
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    misikesmisikes member
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_im-never-having-children?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:7b72d4ed-ba8a-4474-a35e-d1e7605f6007Post:7186a5a0-112a-46f7-8c9f-9ca16259fd5a">Re: I'm never having children</a>:
    [QUOTE]FI was supposed to at least text me after his training and before his shift started tonight.  The restaurant closed 15 minutes ago.  I haven't talked to him (or gotten a text from him) since 1030 this morning.  And he has no excuse.   Men=stupid.
    Posted by peekaboo2011[/QUOTE]


    This.

    I've given up on trying to make my FI "understand", and have instead opted for telling myself there's nothing to worry about. I'll tell myself "Out of all the times I've worried about him, how many times has something happened?" The answer is none, and I worry about him A LOT, lol.
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    TheMutleysTheMutleys
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I know this may be easier said than done but quit worrying about him if he does this a lot.  I could get being really worried if it was a one time deal. 

    I would point out the story about the boy who cried wolf and how this makes you feel.  That because he does this crap often that you won't know when something is actually wrong.  Then, I would drop it. 

    It may be hard in the beginning.  However, he IS an adult.  It won't do your relationship any good to badger him about something he may never change. 

    I guess maybe I don't get it since we don't check in with one another during the day.  If I call and he doesn't answer, it means that he is busy.  He calls me back when he gets a chance, or sometimes he is just too busy and I see him when he gets home. 
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My FI freaks out if I take too long to respond.  I once went a whole night without answering his calls (I got carried away talking wedding with my girlfriend and my good guy friend) and left me panicked voicemails.

    Throw me in the same boat as your FI/BFs, I'm guilty of bad phone etiquette.
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    jaycee7389jaycee7389
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I don't really get upset if he doesn't answer or doesn't to check in, but I do get upset when he said he was going to be home at a certain time and isn't.

    I'm not so great at remembering to check in or whatever, but if I say I'm going to be home soon or something and change my mind I always call!
    5/27/12
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    lunarsongbirdlunarsongbird member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Jaycee- Is he home yet?

    Andrew is so very good at calling...that when he doesn't- I have a complete cow.



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    sparkles88sparkles88 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    We usually text each other random things a couple times during the day, and we call to say if plans will be changing. There was only one time I could not reach BF at a time when he said I could, and I got pretty freaked out.

    This happened when I was studying in Germany. We only talked about once a week while I was over there. He told me to call him at a certain time for our weekly chat. I did, but he did not answer. I called once more, but he still didn't answer. I just decided to go to bed since we had a 9 hour time difference anyway. I woke up eight hours later, and I did not have an email or anything from him saying, "Sorry I missed your calls." It was really unlike him, so I started to think something was wrong. I started IM-ing friends and asking if they had heard from him in the past 24 hours. Finally, he messaged me right before I left for class (like 3 am his time) to say he totally forgot to check his phone, because he had gotten so wrapped up playing the new Call of Duty game with our roommate. Undecided
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    jaycee7389jaycee7389
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Lunar- Yep. He said they ended up going back to his friend's house to talk after dinner and he forgot that he told me he was leaving. To make me feel bad though, apparently they spent those 2 hours talking about FI and my relationship and love in general.

    Sparkles- I'm the same way. I can't just sit and wait it out.
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    NurseyKNurseyK
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Jaycee.... I think you should examine why this freaks you out. Do you have a reason to be freaked out? Are you fearing being cheated on? Have you ever been cheated on?
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    kaitlynmichellekaitlynmichelle member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    BF doesn't text me sometimes when he is off with his brother doing hiking stuff.  But a lot of the time its because his phone won't work, and he forgets to tell me he's fine when it does work again.  It drives me nuts since they're out in dangerous areas and things could happen.

    He is starting to get better at it when I told him how much it worried me though.
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    jaycee7389jaycee7389
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_im-never-having-children?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:7b72d4ed-ba8a-4474-a35e-d1e7605f6007Post:72fff789-9d0d-4640-adc2-1e595e0a38de">Re: I'm never having children</a>:
    [QUOTE]Jaycee.... I think you should examine why this freaks you out. Do you have a reason to be freaked out? Are you fearing being cheated on? Have you ever been cheated on?
    Posted by NurseyK[/QUOTE]

    Oh no honestly that is never ever the thought that goes through my mind. It is that he got in an accident or something along those lines.
    I think what I was saying is getting confused. I don't care if he stays out late, doesn't check in, etc...but when he says he is on his way home and then doesn't show up hours later I worry. I mean, why would you tell someone you're on your way home and then change your mind and not leave, but not tell them and know your phone is dead?
    5/27/12
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    bawidgetbawidget
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    edited December 2011
    I'm this person in the relationship. I never charge my phone/leave it at work charging/have it on silent. BF hated it so whenever we were going out on the weekend he would ask "do you have your phone? Is it charged?" If I didn't, we wouldn't leave until I had it in my purse. BF reminding me to carry my phone when I was with him helped me remember to carry/charge it everyday.

    Once, BF out a post it on the door at my eye level before I left the house with a checklist:
    - Phone
    - Clutch
    - debit card
    - Keys
    **BF is over a foot taller than me, so I thought it was considerate/awesome he put this where I would see it. This extra step has helped me remember all this stuff since. It's something nice you can do without harping on how it bothers you that he doesn't have his phone. Hope this helps
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    NurseyKNurseyK
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    @Jaycee... well that's good. But still, unneccesary worry won't get you anywhere. Just trust that he is ok, and if he did get into an accident, I'd be willing to be he would call you first. :)
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    anythinggoldanythinggold member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    bawidget: That is the sweetest thing! 

    I think this all the time, but it's not because I worry about BF (although I do -- has he left work yet?), but I mostly worry about my cat. I freak out when the windows are open because I think she'll jump out the screen, I have to check on her before I leave (forgot the other day -- almost got out of the parking lot and had to come back). I'm a major, major worrier, but whenever I freak out when I think the oven might be on or Pixie might be stuck somewhere, I definitely have this thought! 

    PS: I know cats are supposed to be smart and have survival instincts. She is not one of those. She tries to climb up the back of the TV and gets her claws stuck in the vent. I have to save her from this at least once a week. 
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