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Still alive... barely

soontobemrsepsoontobemrsep
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in Destination Weddings Discussions
Wow, it's been a long time... 
I need some major help with my wedding, and I'm having a hard time finding the motivation to start planning again.
About two months ago I lost my brother unexpectedly and have put my entire life on hold. After attending a wedding last weekend I realized I need to get into gear with the planning.
I was going to postpone the wedding, or just elope, but my mom has begged me to continue with our destination wedding. She says she needs something to look forward to, and I didn't/don't have the heart to deny her that... Plus, I want to still get married in January, Adam would have hated it if I postponed/eloped because of him. So, I sent the save the dates out, got our website built, bought a dress... but now I'm stuck with the rest of the planning.
The main thing I'm stuck on, and honestly it's one of the most important aspects of my wedding, is how to remember my brother. I already know I will walk down the aisle to a song that him and I both loved. But I need more. Me being the uncreative person, I'm seriously stumped. :( We will be doing a butterfly release in honor of him, (when we were kids our neighbor raised monarch butterflies and we were obsessed with them), but as I've said... I want more!
Help? 
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Re: Still alive... barely

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    Erinkathleen84Erinkathleen84
    First Anniversary First Comment
    Oh I am so sorry that this has happened to you. I hope you are healing okay and I am sure your brother would be happy that you are not stopping your wedding for him. I think it is wonderful that you want to remember your brother at your wedding, but at the same time a wedding is a time that should focus on you and your soon to be husband. The union of you guys and the great life you will have together. There are many things you can do privately that can make sure you have his memory there. Many girls carry pictures of their loved ones on their bouquet or, play songs that help you think of him (which I think is so great that you are doing this!). There are so many creative ways you can make his memory apart of your wedding, I just do not know if it is something the wedding should be so focused on.

    I know you miss him a lot and want him to be a part of your special day, and I think he can be...but also remember that this day is about you and your fiance. It should be a very happy time for everyone involved. I know that is so hard to hear right now because all you can think about is him...but I just thought I would share some personal experience with you =)

    Sending tons of knottie vibes your way girl....I am so sorry =(
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    Julyet06Julyet06 member
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    I am so so sorry for your loss!  I just wanted to extend my condolences to you and your family...**hugs**  What you've got so far to honor your brother is great.  I know some brides hang charms from their bouquets containing pictures of family who couldn't join them on their day.  If you are doing programs maybe you can mention the butterfly release and that it's in his memory.
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    TerriHuggTerriHugg member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I could only imagine how tough it is on you. My fiance's father died recently and it's been really hard on everyone. We were thinking of doing something special in his honor at the wedding, but then family members told us that it might not be the best idea cause it could change the whole tone of the wedding. It might make the wedding go from joyous to mourning and sorry. So keep that in mind.

    But what we were thinking about doing is getting enough floating lanterns for everyone and sending them up into the air along the beach in his memory (or in honor of other loved ones who couldn't be there)

    Hang in there. You are stronger than you know. I know it's hard, but try to enjoy the planning.
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    kimmykupcakeskimmykupcakes member
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    I'm so so sorry. I can't even imagine how hard this must be for you. 

    To remember those who passed that we wanted to recognize for the wedding, we added a page to our program. Even though I wrote it and I've read it many times, it still makes me cry every time I read it. It says: 

    Regretfully, some of our loved ones are no longer with us to celebrate this special day. We feel that they are here in spirit and will always be in our hearts. 

    Hawaiian tradition says that when the wind stirs on your wedding day it is the presence of your ohana (family), who are physically absent but surround the bride and groom with their love, support and blessing. Today, as the Hawaiian trade winds blow, we would like to take a moment to recognize and remember the following ohana who are no longer with us:

    Father of the Bride- Michael Burke
    Great Grandmother of the Bride- Violet Hayes
    Uncle of the Bride- Patrick Hayes
    Grandparents of the Groom- Carl and Winifred Sandoz
    Grandparents of the Groom- Jim and Florence Muldoon

    You could also carry something with you on our wedding day of your brothers or have a bouquet charm made with a picture of him or of the two of you together. 
    Tikilife Blog* Tiki Wedding Extravaganza Website* Maui Wedding Planning Site Updated 07.17.12
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    jtolyjtoly member
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    I'm so sorry to hear of this. I think it is the right thing to do move on with your plans. My friends father passed away a month before her wedding. She got married outside and had a burning candle placed on the chair where her dad would've sat durning the ceremony. She also had something in the program like Kimmy.
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    TrudM75TrudM75 member
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    I am so sorry to hear about your loss, I can't even imagine how you must be feeling.  I do think that it is great that you are carrying on with the wedding and I am sure that your brother would have wanted you to.  And like your mom says, it gives your family something to look forward to!

    I agree with the others that it is great to remember him in some way during the ceremony - a song, a poem, something in the program.  But also remember that this day is about the two of you and I am sure your brother would want nothing more than for you to be happy on your wedding day!
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    BMcLeodTeamBMcLeodTeam member
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    A bouquet charm is a great way to have your loved one with you. My father passed away, and so I had a charm made up with a picture of him and I in it. I chose to go the route of a locket, and I love it.

    Here's mine:


    The heart locket is the one with our picture in it. This way he'll be right with me throughout my day. I also feel its a nice way to memorialize him without drawing everyone's attention to it. Here's the Etsy seller that I got this locket and others from: CLICKY
    This is something that is still going to be very raw and recent with your family. You don't want to turn your wedding day into a negative thing. You want to memorialize him, but for other members of your family that might just be too hard.
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    FaithCaitlinFaithCaitlin member
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    The girls have given you some great advice. I love the idea of walking into a song he liked; maybe put something in the program or light a candle?

    I am so sorry for your loss. Please let us know if we can help you out at all with the planning!

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    nicolej518nicolej518
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    I am so sorry for your loss!

    You could wrap your bouquet in a silk tie of his that matches your colors, or cut out a heart from one of his shirts and sew it over your heart on your wedding dress. You could get a butterfly stiched somewhere on your dress, or put one in your hair. Not sure if you are going with a theme, but you could easily carry the butterflies out throughout the programs and other places so that it is present but not overwhelming. 
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    HappyMaddieHappyMaddie member
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    Hey I just found this cute idea on pinterest http://mrandmsadams.com/wedding/procopio-photography-0321/ It's picture frames of loved ones who had passed, it's a very sweet idea. I'm sorry for you and your family.
    Planning Bio updated April 16, 2012 Just Married!
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