Stressing over a bridesmaid...(vent)

frantastic12 · March 2012

No, I'm not asking if I can kick her out But I'm worried that one of my bridesmaids isn't going to buy her dress. She just recently had a baby (2 days ago actually). Of course I'm happy for her and the baby! I've been texting her (before and after the delivery) and will probably visit tonight.

The absolute last day to order the dress for our August wedding without a rush fee is 3/31. I just don't know how to approach it with her without looking like a terrible person because she literally JUST had a baby. And it was a c-section, so of course she can't really do much for the next couple weeks, and to be clear, I'm NOT expecting her to. But that basically leaves the last week of this month. I'm just worried that she won't order it, and I wouldn't be shocked if she doesn't. My MOH (a friend) knows this BM (who is my relative) and agrees it wouldn't be shocking.

I guess I'm really just hurt and stressed by this. I don't want to bug her about it now because I know it would be totally inappropriate. But she ignored the previous communications I've had about ordering the dress.

What should I say, if anything to her? I was thinking about maybe letting her know, in a week or so, that the last date to order is 3/31, and offer to watch the baby or go with her when she orders it...and then just see what her response is.

Britt0412 · March 2012

Can you talk to her and offer to call in her order for her? Something like "I know you must be crazy busy right now, which is totally understandable! But since the deadline for ordering our dresses is really close, can I help you out by calling in your dress measurements? Just let me know if you want to send a check or give me your cc number. I'm more than happy to help out."

dawnp917 · March 2012

I would hold off given the circumstances. Congratulate her on the baby and let her bask in being a new mom. The 31st is still a ways off. If she can order after the 31st with a rush order she may be ok doing that. If she just had a baby she may want to lose some of the baby weight before being sized for a dress.

jjolovich · March 2012

I would give her a couple weeks, having a c-section myself, I wasn't able to really go anywhere for 4 weeks and if i did someone had to go with me cause they didnt want me driving, and the most i could lift was my baby, but not in her carseat. I would just stay in touch with her and see if you could help with anything.

Sorry this is stressing for you.

calindi · March 2012

Not today or tomorrow, but maybe in a week, I'd mention it to her and say that you're happy to help her with the order if necessary, and let her know that the last day to order without rush is March 31st, so perhaps she'd want to order something a size up from her normal size so she can have it tailored if necessary, but so she doesn't feel pressure to HAVE to lose weight right away, if that makes sense.

Ajoyd · March 2012

I agree with PPs that it is best to wait at least a week, then check in with her.

When you talk to her, be sure to stress that you are not trying to pressure her but instead you are simply trying to ensure that she will not have to pay more for her dress because it has to be rush ordered.

It would also be a good idea to offer to call in the order on her behalf.

Sorry, I know this is a tough situation, and good luck!

frantastic12 · March 2012

Thanks, everyone. I called the bridal salon to see what the rush fee is, and it's actually only $15...I was thinking it was in the $40-50 range, which I could see her objecting to. I'll probably just let her know in a couple of weeks.

ETA: I mean let her know about the 3/31 deadline, but not pressure her.

kap617 · March 2012

I think that sounds like a good plan. Gently remind her of the deadline, and let her know that there's a $15 fee if she orders any later. I wonder how late you can order with the rush fee?

frantastic12 · March 2012

Soooo update....I went to see the BM and baby today, and she actually brought up the fact that she hadn't ordered the dress, so I just casually said "you can order it until the 31st without the rush fee, but the fee is only $15 if your order later..". I would have never brought it up at that time myself, but she did so I'll try to stop worrying now

And the baby is SO adorable!

frantastic12 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_august-2012-weddings_stressing-over-a-bridesmaidvent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:1fb748ee-7a4e-40eb-b4b4-e553486f4cacDiscussion:6a4c60a8-69cd-4927-8b83-ed62e05f5800Post:b870ec0d-0933-4ab7-bae4-ea8a44898bba">Re: Stressing over a bridesmaid...(vent)</a>:
[QUOTE]I think that sounds like a good plan. Gently remind her of the deadline, and let her know that there's a $15 fee if she orders any later. I wonder how late you can order with the rush fee?
Posted by kap617[/QUOTE]

The $15 rush fee is for an 8wk delivery, and IF they can get it for a 3-4 week rush, it's $30.

saraschilling88 · March 2012

Glad you were able to give her the information without it being a big deal

Stressing over a bridesmaid...(vent)

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