How far in advance do you ask a friend to be a bridesmaid?

s_hazeleyes · February 2012

My wedding is in march 2013. When is the appropriate time to ask my friends to be bridesmaids? Also, does anyone know some creative ways to ask? Thanks!

Vanessa630 · February 2012

I know a lot of people recommend weaiting on this since things change, etc. but I was so excited as soon as we got engaged that I asked everyone (2 years in advance). But I definitely lost points on creativity since I just blurted it out on the phone haha. I think I asked before stumbling onto this board so i didn't even know that there were creative ways of asking.

I think that it's appropriate to ask around now since you're going to be thinking about dress shopping and it'll give people some time to save up if they need to.

Jaridds68 · February 2012

It's recommended you should wait 6-8 months before your wedding (July 2012 - Sep 2012 for your March 2013 date). If you want to know why, just lurk on the 'Moms & Maids' board, at least half of the posts are ppl who have run into BM issues bc they asked too early. It's exciting to ask but relationships really can change.

Granted, I went against the adivsed 6-8 month 'rule', mainly bc my BM's are family (my sisters and FI's sister). Knowing our families it would take something drastic (disowning worthy) for a relationship with a sister to dissolve to the point where we don't want them in the wedding party. And that level of drama doesn't happen in my family. So I made the judgement call to ask early.

Ultimately it's up to you, I understand where the 6-8 months comes from, but it's really your call, you know your friends best.

mrsrutkowski · February 2012

I'd look on pinterest for some cute ways to ask I've seen a few things on there. Also, I'd ask the ones you're sure of right away because if they're close to you they'll probably start asking you questions about the wedding anyway. Might as well know they're included

Jaridds68 · February 2012

In terms of creativity - when it comes time to ask, I would just ask them in person, or if you're long distance over the phone/card/skype, whatever your style is. It's not creative, I know, but I wouldn't build it up too much because you are probably more excited than they are...I could be totally wrong though. I personally would prefer a friend to just ask me.

banana468 · February 2012

I'd ask when you're under a year. The 6-9 mo mark is when you'd possibly begin go think about shopping but more than 12 months and things can change.

I asked mine when I was just under a year and they're still my closest friends now that DH and I have been married 4.5 years.

Christine9866 · February 2012

Im getting married in April of 2013, and I asked my girls probably a month ago. I was comfortable in asking that far out because I know those relationships will not change for my b-party is mostly family. I agree with PP, if you think relationships might change do not ask yet. I was creative in asking, i found these cute cupcake toppers on etsy (in our wedding colors) and they said "will you be my..." on them. I baked cupcakes and put them in cute holders.

CTJenny · February 2012

I am also getting married in March 2013 and I have already asked my girls. Four of the girls are family, one I have been friends with since we were 12, the other for over ten years and the last girl is my "newest" best friend (four years). I couldn't be creative because I was too excited, though my cousin who lives in Florida and my best friend who lives in Massachusetts, I had a picture of my dog with a sign that said "will you be a bridesmaid in my mother's wedding?" next to him. I had thought about sending cards but I enjoyed seeing their reactions.

HeatherR45 · February 2012

I knew who I wanted in my bridal party long before I was engaged and I was confident that there would be no drama between us so I asked them soon after I was engaged. I agree with a PP where you should ask them to give them enough time to save money. Being a BM is expensive and some people can't just come up with the money to spend. I was so excited that I just asked my girls, one in person and two over the phone because they are long distance. I wish that I had thought of something creative! Pinterest has a ton of ideas...a tag on a bottle of wine, a box with a ring pop that says "it's my turn to pop the question", etc. It doesn't have to be anything extravagant, but I would appreciate the thought if a friend did these things to ask me.

Carebear62584 · February 2012

I asked mine right after we got engaged (a year and a half before the wedding). I've been friends with every one of the girls since my freshman year of college....wow, 10 years ago! Besides that, my MOH is my cousin and we are pretty much like sisters....we are a year apart in age, grew up with our summers at the beach, skated together since we were 6 and 7. I was also her MOH.

As for asking them....I wasn't creative at all, I was too excited! My MOH and I had an understanding that that's how it was going so I just asked her. One of my friends I had to ask right after we got engaged because she had a feeling another friend of hers (who she wasn't as close with) was going to ask her and was looking at the same day as me. We went shopping and out to lunch about 3 days after I got engaged and I just blurted it out with her too. Another one lives in California and I didn't get to see her before she went back after the holidays so I just asked her on the phone. The other 2 I believe I just called and asked.

cdbishop · February 2012

It depends on you. We are having a 18 month engagement total and I asked most of my girls about 15 months out. But one are sisters (4 between me and FI) and my two best friends for over 10 years. I knew nothing would change.

As for how you ask, it is all up to you. I never knew that people asked with cards etc before coming on these boards. I just asked my BM's in person.

Karebear852k3 · February 2012

I'm one of the advisory cases where I wish I had waited to ask. Like others, I was so excited when I got engaged that I blurted it out on Facebook/on the phone to everyone I was close with, and to the ones I wanted in my wedding party, I asked right then and there (20 month engagement October 2009-June 2011). Like Vanessa, that was before I got on the boards and realized that there was creative and thoughtful ways to do things.

But also with my original MOH I came to wish I had waited. She was my best friend since middle school at the time, but also in nursing school herself (graduating the month before my wedding), and had very little time and money for planning anything on my behalf (not that I expected it, but part of the 'obligation') or dress shopping, etc. We had been growing apart, but in my heart she was still my "best friend" and I thought maybe the wedding would be a way to become closer. I was sooooo wrong. She had no time to go to the appointments I tried to make for BM dress shopping with the other girls due to her hectic schedule; this is just her personality, but she "jokingly" hated the idea of wearing heels and wanted to wear flip-flops to my wedding because she was worried about her height. She reluctantly even looked at dresses once and hated all of the options. She eventually stepped down at the 6 month mark citing the time and money as a strain, and it was highly disappointing for me and though I understood, the other upcoming ways that she would "flake" on me ended up straining the relationship even more. She ended up flaking out in other ways, too (sometimes plausible excuses, ie. bronchitis during my bachelorette party; othertimes, not so much, ie. her Nursing BFF was having some 'crisis' and she was worried for her safety on the day of my bridal shower, and she did not come).

On the other hand, with one of my BMs I had waited to ask just because we weren't AS close as my other friends, but we were still friendly. She was the wife of DH's Best Man, so we hung out all the time because as wives that's what you do with your husband's friends (and we were part of the same crew of friends since like high school, I knew her husband and my husband since I was 16). Since she had just gotten married in July 2009 and had asked me to be in her wedding (which was a happy surprise) and was very excited that we would be getting married and willing to share in the details and joy with us. After seeing how supportive she was and how close we would get over the coming months, I came to ask her to be a BM and then she eventually came to be my new MOH when the original MOH stepped down, and that decision was the best I made.

So in other words: try to do a balance of waiting and asking ASAP. Yes, people need time to plan and save since being a BM does have some financial obligations. But waiting can also show who is going to be supportive of your day and your plans and who you can trust to be there for you, and who might not be so willing despite the "title" of your relationship with them where they should be. You know your relationships best, so you be the judge.

As far as a creative way, like Vanessa I obviously lost points in that department and I have no ideas of how to do things like that lol...good luck!

How far in advance do you ask a friend to be a bridesmaid?

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