Uninvited ceremony guests

allychase · August 2012

All of the old women at my FI church are very nosy about the wedding and trying to get invites when neither me or FI knows them or wants them there. His parents just told me that there is likely a good chance since we're getting married there that they will show up to watch the ceremony. I really wouldn't care except for the fact that we are already pushing max seating and I will be so mad if these uninvited guests get a seat and my guests will have to stand. FI parents are kind of avoiding the topic. Honestly I'm at the point where I want to have our regular church member friend usher guests in and tell him which church families were invited, if he sees others he should just tell him seats are reserved for guests with invites. I just don't understand why someone would get dressed up and attend a wedding they weren't invited to. Like if we wanted them there, we'd invite them. Ugh

LittleMissCutiePie · August 2012

Unfortunately, if you're married at a public venue, you open it up to the public. I would advise your VIPs to get there early to get a seat. That's all I can offer. Good luck.

saacjw · August 2012

What PPs said. I'm in a similar situation with pushed to the max church seating (assuming everyone who's invited comes), and should any of the uninvited church members show up, they're just going to have to hang out in the back. It's not unheard of for churches to be standing room.

I'd have ushers and some amount of reserved seating for family members, so that they at least are guarunteed a seat.

allychase · August 2012

Boo to people who can't take a hint and come to a wedding uninvited ha

crash2729 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_uninvited-ceremony-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:90779d72-ccc1-4561-ad31-30d28442b2f3Post:f1f1711c-c76c-4868-9e42-5599a9ac05de">Re:Uninvited ceremony guests</a>:
[QUOTE]Boo to people who can't<strong> take a hint </strong>and come to a wedding uninvited ha
Posted by allychase[/QUOTE]
The church is a public place. They don't have to be invited to the ceremony. Most of the time any church member is allowed to come to the church for a wedding. Now, if they were trying to come to the reception as well, that'd be different.

allychase · August 2012

In Response to Re:Uninvited ceremony guests:[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Uninvited ceremony guests:Boo to people who can't take a hint and come to a wedding uninvited haPosted by allychaseThe church is a public place. They don't have to be invited to the ceremony. Most of the time any church member is allowed to come to the church for a wedding. Now, if they were trying to come to the reception as well, that'd be different. Posted by crash2729[/QUOTE]

I really dont need to explain what's wrong with showing up to a wedding ceremony of two people you are not close with and weren't invited to attend. I'm not arguing that it's a public place. You bolded the "take a hint" part as referring to being invited, when I said they can't take a hint as we don't want them there. Who wants people they don't know at their wedding? It's really weird and seems like common sense and I don't know why I'm explaining this.

theelusive1 · August 2012

Due to a situation, Our priest has asked if we wanted security? He said it is not the first time he has had to have security at the church. We told him no it would not be needed. He said to let him know. Now I know some nosey people are not the same situation but I would think if it is not a church event it is private.

Beads921 · August 2012

From what I know, it's fairly common for congregation members to attend weddings for other members. There's no hints to be taken, they are well within their rights to attend. You're all part of the same church family, afterall.

MyUserName1 · August 2012

OP, you're coming off as a self centered brat. Maybe it's time to step away from the keyboard and re-evaluate why you are so upset that some little old ladies want to come to a pretty service at their church that is probably one of the few nice things they will do this month.

crash2729 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_uninvited-ceremony-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:90779d72-ccc1-4561-ad31-30d28442b2f3Post:fe404ced-c99c-4d51-9147-e626e3f0fa18">Re:Uninvited ceremony guests</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Uninvited ceremony guests: I really dont need to explain what's wrong with showing up to a wedding ceremony of two people you are not close with and weren't invited to attend. I'm not arguing that it's a public place. <strong>You bolded the "take a hint" part as referring to being invited, </strong>when I said they can't take a hint as we don't want them there. Who wants people they don't know at their wedding? It's really weird and seems like common sense and I don't know why I'm explaining this.
Posted by allychase[/QUOTE]
Because I don't know what you mean by "take a hint". They know they didn't get an invite. <div>As MilkDuds said they probably view it as supporting the next generation or showing support to your FI's family (is this their home church as well?). There is really nothing you can do about it.</div>

allychase · August 2012

In Response to Re:Uninvited ceremony guests:[QUOTE]OP, you're coming off as a self centered brat. nbsp;Maybe it's time to step away from the keyboard and reevaluate why you are so upset that some little old ladies want to come to a pretty service at their church that is probably one of the few nice things they will do this month. Posted by MyUserName1[/QUOTE]

Maybe you don't know these women. Actually Im 100 positive you don't know them other than the fact they're older. My FI family deals with these women all the time, being nosy asking about every detail of the wedding, they did it to FI sister who was married at her venue and didn't have to worry about them showing up uninvited. It's not self centered to want my guests to have seats and not have to stand because uninvited people will be there. So why don't you quit assuming and respond with the details I gave, not painting a picture of delicate old cute women who want to just come to my wedding and I'm the she devil who's just kicking them out the door. so my guests can have a seat at my wedding. I am just so self centered.

afeliz79 · August 2012

Going on what you have written only and no assumptions, you still sound bratty. You keep saying how you "don't want them there." It sounds so very hateful.

allychase · August 2012

In Response to Re:Uninvited ceremony guests:[QUOTE]Going on what you have written only and no assumptions, you still sound bratty. You keep saying how you "don't want them there." It sounds so very hateful. Posted by afeliz79[/QUOTE]

I don't know them. FI doesn't like them. Neither do his parents. So, no, I don't want them there.

crash2729 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_uninvited-ceremony-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:90779d72-ccc1-4561-ad31-30d28442b2f3Post:34188a84-0556-4e22-accc-a2e794179387">Re:Uninvited ceremony guests</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Uninvited ceremony guests: I don't know them. FI doesn't like them. <strong>Neither do his parents</strong>. So, no, I don't want them there.
Posted by allychase[/QUOTE]
Then why are they sharing details? <div>
</div><div>To answer your original question-You don't like them, but you can't stop them from coming. advise VIPs to get there early or have some folding chairs for a back up plan. </div><div>
</div><div>However, you also asked "Why someone would get dressed and come to a wedding they weren't invited to" so we were just offering some reasons they might want to come.</div>

allychase · August 2012

In Response to Re:Uninvited ceremony guests:[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Uninvited ceremony guests:In Response to Re:Uninvited ceremony guests: I don't know them. FI doesn't like them. Neither do his parents. So, no, I don't want them there.Posted by allychaseThen why are they sharing details? nbsp;To answer your original questionYou don't like them, but you can't stop them from coming. advise VIPs to get there early or have some folding chairs for a back up plan.nbsp;However, you also asked "Why someone would get dressed and come to a wedding they weren't invited to" so we were just offering some reasons they might want to come. Posted by crash2729[/QUOTE]

They aren't sharing details. Everyone knows the date because the pastor is doing our ceremony. When did I say they disclosed anything else to these women? Why are my words getting so twisted around? When they ask about the wedding, FI family says its going good, then changes subject...

tanyanubin · August 2012

So sorry for your awkward situation! Curious about how this one will play out, but I suspect that they'll come, and you'll be annoyed. I supposed if that's the case, the only thing you really can do is change your own view and look past the biddies and to your own guests and new husband. My sister had a whole family 'crash' her reception. The parents were invited, and brought their 3 little kids, who proceded to run all over and slide under tables, etc, lol. What can you do? Staff just quietly put another table out and life went on. Enjoy your day, and congrats!

AlexaNP · August 2012

I think I understand. In my (very) small town, we have a bunch of "interfering" old ladies. Everyone calls them the "Gossip Circle of *Town*". Case in point: I was a lector at my church, when my fiancee and I had a baby before we were married, my priest told me "there's no rule against this in the church, but would you mind stepping down as a lector until after the wedding, so I can keep the old ladies off my back?" Now, some of them have good intentions, but some of them really would just want the chance to show up at a wedding to critique every possible things, maybe start some new gossip. So I defnitely understand that you don't want them there. I really don't know if there's anything you can do, though. The only thing I can think of is what someone else said, and try to encourage your INVITED guests to show up earlier to make sure they get a seat. Maybe, if the ladies can't find a seat when they come, they'll end up leaving.

I'm sorry you're in this situation. I hope it works out for you!

cpm1223 · August 2012

We had a few uninvited guests at our wedding ceremony. And guess what....we didn't know that they were even there until recently. I happened to see one of them this past weekend (she's a friend of my MOH's parents, who were at the wedding) and even though she doesn't know me besides just someone she's seen once or twice, she wanted to watch.

It's very common that people who get married in a church (which is open to everyone) that they will have a few "random" guests who were not invited. But thats the risk you take when deciding to get married in a church.

But honestly, this isn't going to ruin your day. You probably won't even notice them (it's not like they'll sit in the front row!) and you'll be so focused on your groom and everything going on throughout the ceremony.

julibug86 · August 2012

We have a few church ladies planning to attend our wedding as well. I'm not overly concerned because there is plenty of space and they're very nice women, but I feel bad that they'll essentially be attending the ceremony and not the reception (the big etiquette no-no!). I just can't afford to invite the whole town!

Anyway, OP, there's nothing you can really do to stop them from attending, so you might as well try to find a solution. I would definitely mark off reserved pews for the VIPs (esp grandparents). As for your other guests, hopefully it will work itself out and people will sit close together or younger people will be okay standing in the back. Do you have a choir loft or any other spill over area?

allychase · August 2012

Thank you all for understanding. We are inviting the families from the church that we speak to and have been involved in FI life and there is good reason for us not inviting the others. One PP was absolutely correct that these are the women that need something to talk about and I just didn't want my wedding being their gossip of the month when we are doing so much to make it perfect for the people WE want there. we are already making use of any extra space we can put chairs so that's why I'm focused on making sure there's enough seats for our guests, then hearing this just put me over the edge regarding that issue. Obviously we aren't having someone kick people out so I'll be sure to let everyone know to grab a seat early

FlintstonePearl · August 2012

I don't think a church is a public venue. Every church I know is kept locked, except during worship services. However, these "old women" are not the general public, they are members of the church. It is reasonable for them to feel welcome at any church event, especially if they have been members for decades. Perhaps seeing a young couple get married brings back memories of their younger days

You don't have to invite them, but if they show up, try to be gracious and accommodate them as best you can. Good luck!

jenjlgsings · August 2012

Honestly, with all the stuff going on for your wedding day, do you think you will even notice that they are there? And how many people are you really talking about? Will just a few really make that much of a difference?
Also, in many cases not everyone you invite to the wedding will come to both the church ceremony and the reception so it may not even be an issue if some of your guests choose to do this.

Uninvited ceremony guests

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