Moms and Maids

Lonely MOH

I've chosen my older sister for my MOH. She's my best friend, but she's also bitterly single. It's enough of a stress for her to see friends her age getting married before she's even had a steady guy, but now I feel like I'm rubbing salt in the wound by getting married first.

I think honestly she's happy for me and she wants to be my MOH, but her gloomy attitude is going to get old for the next 15 months. Any ideas on easing the tension between us? Any advice on dealing with gloomy, single, or otherwise depressed bridesmaids?

Re: Lonely MOH

  • utegogglesutegoggles member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Just curious, how old is she? Just a suggestion, maybe whatever you want to tell her about centerpieces/flowers/cakes, etc, just post on here. We can help you and advise you, as this may be a drag for her. I'm sure that she is happy for you.
  • edited December 2011
    First of all, it's 15 month until your wedding?  Don't pick your WP too early.  Don't be over-excitedly sharing your wedding plans with her.  Keep the wedding talk to a minimum.  Gauge her response over the next SEVERAL months, and decide much later.  Focus on her needs and what's going on in her life and give her the support she needs.  Good luck.
  • edited December 2011
    She's 25. I'm 22. She's nowhere near past her prime, she just has never really been in love and I think that's what bugs her the most.
  • LoveMuffinsLoveMuffins member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I've got a friend like that. I've mostly just tried to keep from overwhelming her with wedding talk. If she asks about something in particular I'll answer her, or I may show her something I'm really excited about, and I've included her when I ask the entire group of girls if they want to help me with something, but otherwise we just talk about other things that are going on in our lives, etc. It's getting harder as it gets closer to the wedding, but I think it's been worth it. I come on here and talk about all my wedding stuff when I just have to share stuff / have a convo about it / etc.

    My friend still goes maudlin sometimes of course, and had talked with me a little bit about being jealous / worried she'll never find love, but it rarely happens unless we're talking wedding. So I usually will just answer her questions and then change the subject and that usually keeps her from getting too depressed.
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  • edited December 2011
    If your sister is not interested in the wedding planning, spare her the details. Fifteen months of wedding talk could make anyone crazy.

    Make sure you show an interest in what's going on in her life, too.

    And congratulations on your engagement!
                       
  • Savanna111911Savanna111911 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I have a situation like that with one of my bridesmaids. She's 24 (as am I, clearly nowhere passed her prime) but she's never had a boyfriend, never had a kiss, anything. 

    I think she is a little bitter and a little jealous, particularly considering I got engaged after a very brief dating relationship. (We got engaged after about 6 months).  Anyway, I think that the previous advice is good.  I've just tried to only talk about wedding plans/engagement plans, etc when she brings it up.  When I first got engaged, as with most of us probably, i talked about it alot and though there was nothing actually said, there was some clear tension there. However when i adopted the approach of not bringing it up unless it was brought up first, the situation greatly improved.  Now she gets to ask and hear about the things she really wants to hear about, without getting bombarded with it all the time.

    I think that's been the greatest thing about the knot for me.  I am always wanting to do the wedding thing and people just get tired of it.  So I talk to the folks on the knot.
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  • edited December 2011
    My sister was actually the same way at first and was going through a bad breakup.  BUT that was over a year ago and now she wants to be involved.  So my advice is to just give it time.  Dont pressure her to help you do anything and dont expect it.  Since she is your sister and now your MOH, she will eventually come around and start asking questions on her own time.  Let her come to you but dont go to her with all the plans. 

    She will get over herself and her situation in her own time and when the wedding gets closer she will get excited and want to be involved.  Plus she isnt exactly old so she shouldnt be feeling so bad about herself.  You're actually on the younger side of brides these days so tell her that she isnt behind everyone she is right on schedule and to go out and have fun dating!
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  • edited December 2011
    Just don't talk wedding with her all the time for the next 15 months. Even someone happily in a relationship would probably tire of that after awhile. Just focus on being a good friend to her, and it will be fine. That way she only has to deal with "wedding" for one day (your wedding day).


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  • tldhtldh member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I was single and not loving it when all of my friends married.  It was sheer torture to hear them going on and on about their weddings.  Please do her a favor and don't talk about it with her.
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